[mixedup_emotions]

It's been 3 weeks since we've had group, due to the holidays. I have a migraine and am feeling a bit of solence at the moment....so I'd rather not go. But I will push myself to go because I hate missing sessions. When I've missed sessions in the past (very rarely), I feel like I've missed something - and that others are bonding without me - or I feel forgotten, invisible, etc. I know that's my "stuff"....

But today, I'm not up to it....Add to that, we are supposed to be getting 1-3 new group members....And that's causing me some anxiety....because not only do I have to deal with all the emotions that having a newbie brings to me (again, my stuff)....but I would want to be on the ball to show the newbies what our process group is about. I don't feel as though I'm up to being on my game, kwim?

I'd like to explore here about why I feel so anxious when a new group member joins....but I don't have time to post more about how I feel because I gotta run now to group!

I need some serious energy vibes....

[WikidPissah]

new members are anxiety provoking. You don't know their personality, are they a judger? are they an attention hoarder? Are they blunt, shy, etc? Is everyone in the group going to like them more than they like you?

lots to ponder. I hope group goes well...let us know!

[gelfling]

when i've been in groups new people joining the group -- trust issues -- can i trust you to be gentle with me? can i trust you won't take what i say wrong? it took me a while to open up to the current users -- how can i talk to you when i dont know you

and yes -- there is a definite change in the dynamics with new people -- can be good or can be bad depending on the personalities that come in.

sending positive healing energy your way mixed up emotions --- let us know how it went (((hugs))))

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks for the feedback and support....

Group was pretty awful for me tonight. *sigh*

The new members didn't join yet, so it was just our normal group....but certain topics were being addressed, and I just couldn't relate....and it really helped me to feel so distant and alone. At the end of the session, I told the group that I felt like I was on an island by myself because I wasn't able to relate to what they were all talking about.

Even though I have learned so much in this group and care for the group members, it makes me wonder if this is really the right kind of group for me...and that it might be better for me to be in a group with people who are struggling with similar issues as me.

I just think it's hard for them to understand my world....and my T said something similar to me before...and suggested that me sharing more would help them understand. But they are not there to learn about my world and try to understand it. They are dealing with their own issues, and being in a room of people who can relate and give feedback is what they need....not to spend time being taught how to understand my screwed-up world - especially when it would not be a simple task.

I don't know. I'm feeling a bit discouraged at the moment and very down about group right now...

Add to that, there was a dialogue between the members - and 3 of us were very much involved in it (including me)....and T gave some rewarding feedback to the other two members but didn't say boo to me. I understand he was commenting on their progress and that he feels that I am much further ahead with "the process" part of things....but it still didn't feel good to be excluded.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

T gave some rewarding feedback to the other two members but didn't say boo to me. ...but it still didn't feel good to be excluded.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I just couldn't relate....and it really helped me to feel so distant and alone.

Both of these are important for you to understand and work through.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

they are not there to learn about my world and try to understand it. They are dealing with their own issues,

But isn't this what you do for them?

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks, Sannah....

I know there is still value for me in this group, to deal with some important issues....but I also know that there's lots of "unfinished business" that I need to work through - and I haven't gotten to a place where I feel comfortable and trusting enough with this group to be able to "go there". It's what my T has been waiting for from me...and...well...I don't know.

I do give a lot in these sessions to others...but when it comes to receiving, I'm at a bit of a loss. That's true IRL as well....

It just seems as though my issues are always at the other side of the continuum. Today, when I reacted to some of the things that were said, my T said this very thing....that my issue is on the other side of the continuum....and during another session, a topic came up where it's hard for people to argue a feeling....but in my life, a feeling that is expressed to me may be a form of manipulation that is not a typical scenario....

I guess I just feel too "different" for this group at the moment....

[WePow]

((((((((((MUE))))))))))))

"I do give a lot in these sessions to others...but when it comes to receiving, I'm at a bit of a loss. That's true IRL as well.... " - That can be very draining to a person. I hope you are learning how to be able to recieve a bit too. But that can be TOUGH if a person expects that anything given to them is a form or manipulation. Yuck.

Tons of safe hugs!

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks....

Our group has a blog where my T posts an overall comment and then individual comments to each member....Here's what he wrote for me, which leaves me wondering if he and I are on the same page about this....

"MUE, in spite of not feeling well you found your greatest obstacle to being involved relatedness, not physical distress. You reported that you couldn’t relate to the dialogue in the later part of the session as it was outside your realm of experience. I wondered about the people you are involved with and if they are capable of what we explored or whether you are in need of others who are closer to your level. I don’t use the word level as a slight against others, but as a representation of what you illustrated in the first half of the session. Telling XXX that you stood by your interest in sharing what’s important to you but being excited about his willingness to be convicted- is an acquired talent that is deserved of others who can do the same."

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I do give a lot in these sessions to others...but when it comes to receiving, I'm at a bit of a loss. That's true IRL as well....

Group is a great place to work on this I think.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

when I reacted to some of the things that were said,

If you are reacting this means that you have things to work on in this group.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

a topic came up where it's hard for people to argue a feeling....but in my life, a feeling that is expressed to me may be a form of manipulation that is not a typical scenario....

I'm confused?

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I guess I just feel too "different" for this group at the moment....

Are there places where you don't feel different in your life?

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

You reported that you couldn’t relate to the dialogue in the later part of the session as it was outside your realm of experience. I wondered about the people you are involved with and if they are capable of what we explored or whether you are in need of others who are closer to your level.

So he is questioning whether you get to experience IRL what was being discussed?

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I don’t use the word level as a slight against others, but as a representation of what you illustrated in the first half of the session. Telling XXX that you stood by your interest in sharing what’s important to you but being excited about his willingness to be convicted- is an acquired talent that is deserved of others who can do the same."

I don't understand this?

[gelfling]

wow,((((mue))))) -- sounds like he feels you need to be in a group with people who have are farther along on theier therapeutic journey who can relate to you and give you the type of feedback that will continue your growth

this is huge

the question i have is does such a group exist already that you can join?