2-hour session

For those of you who have done (or regularly do) 2-hour sessions, what are they like?

I've only been seeing T for a couple of months, but I'm already feeling compelled to tell her some details about CSA. I don't feel pressured by her....it's more that the longer I DON'T tell, the worse I feel, the more shame I feel keeping it secret. And I think it would help her to help me better if she knew some things. Just the basics, really.

I told her that I want to tell her but that I'm not sure how. I'm worried she won't believe me. I'm worried she'll say it was no big deal. Or she'll say it was horrible. All of it scares me.

She is really reassuring. She says she has no agenda or timeline. She says I don't ever have to tell if I don't feel safe.

I just know I have to tell. For my own self-care, I have to share a bit of the secret and let go of some of the shame so that we can move forward and work on things in the here and now.

T suggested we do a 2-hour session so that I can take my time to tell...But I've never done a long session before. What is it like??

I think I just want it to feel 100% okay to tell, and it never feels 100% safe, you know? Even the most safe people, like my old T, I was still terrified to tell. Yet, in the end, I'm so glad I did...

Ugh. Why can't any of this be easier?

Two hours is nice for exactly the reason your T says, it gives you lots of time to go a bit slower or discuss things in more detail. It probably can be hard if you are fighting yourself that whole time to tell/not tell or if you normally have trouble talking to your T for an hour, but if you talk okay in the hour, having two can help with easing some of the time intensity.

If I were you, I would write out a "clinical" report of what happened. I'd keep it sort of vague, "My neighbor when I was six touched me sexually on three occasions" that sort of thing and only start work on parts of it -- you and your family's relationship with the neighbor and how you came in contact with them, how you felt afterwards/up until now, why you haven't told anyone before (how you think telling will make you feel), etc. rather than focusing right away on the actual abuse act. Just keep spiraling closer and closer as you feel more comfortable. It doesn't have to be talked about all in one two-hour session either, it might take months (or years; my last therapy was 2 hours a week for 9 years).

((((((((Griffin))))))))))

T and I have done lots of 90 minutes sessions (that have run over on occasion to be more like an hour and 45 minutes). We started doing them while I was trying to tell the CSA stories.

It was really, really, REALLY helpful. I had time to connect with T, go to whatever awful places I needed to go, and get regrounded before I left.

I'm sorry it's so hard, griffin.

I do 2-hour sessions, and I like them very much. It really takes the time pressure off, and it gives a chance to ease into the session, and relax more. I find them much more productive than the 50-minute kind.

-Far

I am in 90+ minute sessions and this is new to me, I did not know the sessions were to be so long and I was surprised to find it more effective, but it may be the style or method used by this T.
I may leave tired, but always in less distress then when the session starts.

One day he said I was 'fleeing' and invited me to sit and practice the mindful breathing, I said the time is up? He said he had time.
I could have left but chose to 'do the work'.
It took an extra 20 minutes and I felt no pressure to hurry up and move out of the way.

With more time there is developing a natural flow of (my words) energy, effort and regrouping and time to think/feel , and of course this is helpful for my trust issues. He being 'male' is the exposure therapy.
He teaches mindfulness concepts, I can 'practice' real time coping skills during the week between appointments in preparation for specific CSA work coming up soon.

griffinp; being brave is doing what is scary.

Now a days you can tell your story and the T will believe you and be supportive.
In the late 80's I went to a doctor as memories returned and was told I was just having stress from school., I went to a Psychologist in the eary 90's and 7 session (funding ran out) with hypnosis I was 'cured'.

Now I am in the care of a great team and it is time to learn to live rather than to avoid. Not that I had not tried and asked for help before.

Hopefully this my story is helpful for you to in this difficult time.
G1

My sessions are 1 and 1/2 hours each week. My former T gave me 50 minutes and never let me stay later. I always felt like by the time I got into anything it was time to leave! I love having more time though it now goes by just as quickly as 50 minutes did. But I can talk about my week before I get into heavier stuff. There's time to wrap up at the end. It's so much better for me.

I've only had one two hour session and it was for exactly that, to talk about a very difficult thing. It worked out so well, griffin. I had enough time to approach the cliff and take the leap, saying what I needed to say, and still put myself back together before I had to leave. Afterwards my T called and left me a message (the one and only time she has called on her own, without responding to a question) saying that she was honored that I would share that with her and how well she knew it was so hard for me... I really think it was a powerful part of my therapy.

I should also add that I nearly cancelled it because the idea of TWO HOURS in the spotlight became just about intolerable as it drew closer, but I just made myself go, and it was fine. good luck

My T and I go over an hour often, as I'm usually the last patient of the day, which I love. I feel like there is no pressure on us. Sometimes its an hour and a half. But we have had a few 2 hour sessions unintended.
We just kept talking and things kept flowing.

Dont focus on the time. It will probably fly by and having this extra time
will help you to really breath deep and calm yourself as you go through this process. Savor it...dont sweat it. Good luck!

Thanks for the suggestions and encouragement.

I think I'm going to stick to my regular session next week and then maybe try the 2-hour session the following week. I want to ask T more about how it will work....Also, I'm curious if we can do the 2-hour session in addition to my weekly session. So I would do the 2-hour and then a couple days later do the regular session? Does that seem like too much to ask?

I just hate the idea of spilling such painful details and then being alone for a whole week.

Also, tree, I don't know if you're still watching this thread, but I'm thinking I'll ask her if I can write some of the details on her small white board and just hand it to her. Didn't you say you've done that? Was it easier in any way than speaking?

griffinp, I have 90 minute sessions, but sometimes we have gone until 2 hours. I find the longer sessions more effective. You don't get frustrated so often that you never got to say the things you most needed help with. There is more time to "warm up" and not be so rushed. Longer sessions are great. (Unfortunately, they cost more!)

For one session where I was telling some really tough stuff, and had been unable to tell it for a couple of sessions running, I actually wrote out what I wanted to say and read it out loud to myself over and over again for days before the session to just get used to saying those things outloud. I think I was doing my own desensitization therapy to help me talk when I was with T. It did help. After all my rehearsals, I finally was able to tell T this really hard stuff. It was such a relief to get it out! I hated those sessions when I was trying to tell him, but couldn't. We would just sit there in silence, a few words here and there, with me just trying so hard. They were exhausting and frustrating. I think you will feel relief to start sharing this with your T, griffin. I also think your idea for having a one hour session later in the week after your 2 hour session is really good. Good luck.

Thanks, sunrise

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who sits in silence, spitting out just a few words here and there. It's really odd for me. I work in the communication field....yet in T sometimes I'm at a total loss for words when it comes to the trauma.

((((((((((((griffin))))))))))))))

When I've done 90 minute sessions, I've ALWAYS done a 60 minute session later in the same week. Because you're right, it's a lot to sit with. Now that the story is told, I (usually) just do one session a week for 90 minutes. But that second session was really helpful when I was telling the story...it made it feel a little safer to tell.

And yes, I do use his white board when things are too hard to say. Or we'll sit next to each other and write notes back and forth on a notepad. Because I need to get it OUT, and sometimes, the words are too much. A lot of times, I'll start by writing, and will transition to talking after a little while. Once it's "out there" it's a little bit easier.

If it feels like it's time to tell, it's time to tell. That's your inner wisdom talking to you