[Sweetlove]

I can't really find a better word...I just feel lost.

I met with at T at my school on Monday just to explore my options incase my insurance runs out and I can't meet as often with my current T. The school T was very nice and asked good questions but it made me even more confused about what to do.

Then, yesterday I saw my T and it felt a little "off". That connection I posted about last week...totally gone. I felt like he was sick of talking about the twice a week issue (so am I) and just wanted to move on. I just felt like I lost that excitement and eagerness to be present and work on things. I want to find that again because I don't want my sessions twice a week to be a waste! We talked a little about what our goals should be to meet more often. We both want to work on my SI and obviously try to find other ways for me to cope, along with helping me to be comfortable with my dependency and neediness. I left feeling very "blah". The session was a bit all over the place and I thought I would have little more clarity about what to do with my school T and whether or not going twice a week to my current T was a good idea.

I am still so lost and confused! I feel like I don't have a connection with anyone right now, and I'm on T overload! I need some advice, feeback or just some support...

[WePow]

Sending you safe hugs. It can be hard to work so hard and then feel that disconnect. Sometimes it is needed to just step back from the process and allow the work dust to settle.

[SpiritRunner]

There is an ebb and flow to the connection sometimes....it's hard when it feels more distant, when it felt so close the time before, I know.

((((((((((((((Sweet))))))))))))))

Originally Posted by Sweetlove

I don't want my sessions twice a week to be a waste!

I've been seeing T twice a week for a long time, and there have been times when I've felt this little bit of extra pressure...like "if I REALLY need to be here this much, I better prove it and get a lot of work done". And of course, that pressure leads to disconnect and confusion and stress (for me, anyhow)

I wonder if you can just go without worrying whether it's a waste, and just let whatever happens happen?? Sometimes I pray on the way to T, and ask that I will be able to do the work I need to do during the session, and be guided in some way to know what that is. And I go, and just sit and try to open my heart and let whatever is in there come out. And it's hard, but it's real, and the more real things are, the more connected I tend to feel.

You deserve to go twice a week, and every session doesn't have to be perfect. EVERY. SESSION. COUNTS. We are growing and changing and learning under the surface, even when nothing "big" is happening. Even this...you went, you're thinking about your session, you feel lost, you want to maybe find a way to find the connection again. That is movement. That is learning.

Therapy is so hard and so confusing sometimes. You're doing a good job.

Be gentle with you

[Sweetlove]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I wonder if you can just go without worrying whether it's a waste, and just let whatever happens happen??

Yes I am going to try very hard! I'll try your suggestion about having an open heart and trying to be real.

It is so weird that you said you felt pressure to get a lot of work done if you were there so much...this is exactly what my T and I talked about and he is worried that because I am going twice a week I will be harder on myself for not getting things done as fast as I think I should. My time with my insurance company paying for my sessions is limited, and I am totally feeling the pressure to be productive.

Thanks Tree...I am going to keep what you said in mind that not every session has to be perfect. You are right, every session counts and I am learning and growing with every one...even if I don't feel it right away.