[learning1]

I've had two therapists in the past try to get me angry to work on expressing anger. With one of them it was the first time I saw her, and I think it was a part of a style of therapy she practices. I didn't go back.

With the other, he did it after he had gotten to know me, so probably thought I needed to express anger more, or differently. He said something that was pretty explicitly mean/critical. I disagreed with him a bit immediately, but it didn't hit me that it really hurt, since I trusted him a lot, until after I left the session. After I responded to his remark, he said, I can imagine you getting really angry, learning1 (or something like that). It sounded like he wanted me to be able to express it more forcefully. I had to stop seeing him for another reason soon after this.

Anyone have any ideas how do you work on something like this? I am aware of feeling angry about things sometimes, but I don't know how I can practice expressing it. I don't suppose practicing on supervisors at work would be a good idea

[WePow]

Learning1, I actually have a big anger problem myself. In fact, it should have cost me my job many times - but I have a very tolerable boss :-( - so I didn't get fired.

My T has me working through this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Weisingers-Anger-Work-Out-Step-Step/dp/0688041140/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1296953202&sr=1-1

Dr. Weisinger's Anger Work-Out Book: Step-by-Step Methods for Greater Productivity, Better Relationships, Healthier Life.

It is actually a very good book and so far I am seeing results.

http://www.mainlinehealth.org/stw/Pa...geID=STW001111
This is also a good read.

[sunrise]

I don't think a therapist should try to get you angry at them by doing mean things. For one thing, it is dishonest. They are saying the mean things just to get a rise out of you rather than because they necessarily believe them. I think this approach could lead to a lot of distrust between the client and therapist. Plus, it seems like there are often reasons for a client to be mad at a T lol without them having to deliberately be mean. I think also that the therapist could try to get you to express your anger at other people in your life that you are angry at during your session. For example, if you are mad at your supervisor, the therapist could try to get you to express that to him. Have you tried that?

I too have trouble expressing anger; I don't even get angry that much since I probably submerge it almost instantaneously. There were a couple of times that I got angry at my T, though, but not because he was deliberately mean. Believe it or not, it was really helpful to get angry him! He didn't get defensive at all. He thought it was great. From this I learned I can get angry at a person and survive the experience. A couple of other times I was able to express anger about other people during my session.

For me, the first step in this was learning to know when I was angry. It sounds like you are already able to do that, which is great. How about trying to express anger over your supervisor the next time you have therapy? That would be great practice, and much better than practicing on your supervisor him/herself.

I find anger really difficult too. I'm scared of it, and I'm scared of feeling it.

T is helping me see that sometimes I'm angry and I don't even KNOW it. I remember once I was laying on the couch and he told me I looked like a little fiery dragon (?). Which actually made me angrier! lol It helps me when T helps me recognize when I am angry. Then we can talk about it, and I can find out that it's okay.

For me, it's something that's just occurred naturally during therapy...not something forced. I think as I began to feel safer with T, some anger started to surface. I know that there is still a lot of grief, and probably anger, under the surface. Sometimes now I'll feel a little surge of anger and recognize it - and I'll tell T and we'll talk about it.

It's really hard, but it gets easier.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I am not able to feel anger well myself. I automatically hear voices, see things, or SI when I am angry because according to my T, I don't think I can handle feeling those feelings. We are slowly trying to get me to a point where I am comfortable enough to feel my feelings in a healthy way. It's a slow process though...

[learning1]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I don't think a therapist should try to get you angry at them by doing mean things. For one thing, it is dishonest. They are saying the mean things just to get a rise out of you rather than because they necessarily believe them. I think this approach could lead to a lot of distrust between the client and therapist.

Sunrise, yes, I felt it was somewhat dishonest. It was something he honestly meant, though, just the fact that he said it in a confrontational way seemed either contrived or genuinely mean.

It definitely led to distrust and to me almost not going back. This happened in couples therapy. The t pushed both me and my ex sometimes. I wonder if couples therapy is more likely to be confrontational like that.

Thanks for the link, WePow. It's helpful to read how they think you should express anger. I don't express much anger in most situations. In relationships sometimes I loose my temper . Sometimes people seem to think I should express it more and sometimes less, or maybe just differently.

I haven't brought it up with my current t yet .

[Melbadaze]

ok learning how to express anger, lesson one, are you wwatching? Stand in grocery shop queue and scream at he top of your voice you want serving immediately! no ok thats not a good example lol....i found it hard to feel ok with expressing anger, because it was never allowed growing up I had the phantasy I destroyed my caregivers because of their eaction to it, so it wasn't fear of being angry as much as fear of other peoples reactions to it and T has always contained my anger and esponded and never eacted to it, so it doesn't feel as scary now and I'm more able to speak my frustrations, not always ca still go on an anger bend.