[zooropa]

I went to group yesterday, and talked about what is going on with my kids and what is going on with my T. GroupT had some very helpful and comforting things to say, and helped me figure out a way to feel better about going to see T tomorrow.

I talked about Boot Camp T and how scared I am that I will meet her tomorrow. I told the group about what treehouse said, that if she is Boot Camp T, I can just ask her, why are you being Boot Camp T?

I talked about the first time I saw the Boot Camp side of T. It was a year ago, almost exactly. When I showed up for my session that day, instead of coming out to greet me T went back in her office and then called to me: Molly, come back here. I should have known right then that something was off.

So we actually talked about that and how I can react if it happens again. I said if she does that I will leave, just get up and leave. But groupT helped me realize that, if that happens, I can go up to T and say "hey, wtf?"

It is hard for me to not view T as a sort of punishing parent at times. I have to remind myself that she is not my mom, that I am not a little girl, that this hasn't all happened before.

Sounds like it was a productive group. I hope you feel more prepared for tomorrow.

[WePow]

Zoo, it will be a very interesting day for you to be certain!
Remember that you deserve clarity and grace in your life.
Go into the session with the open heart of the child, but the shielding and wisdom of a grandmother. You are both.

[googley]

That group sounds like it was very productive. I hope that you are able to use what you talked about in group tomorrow if you need to. I'm glad you went to group. You are being really strong.

[Fartraveler]

Glad you went to group, it sounds like it was very useful. And good luck with tomorrow.

-Far

[zooropa]

thanks, you guys. I will have extra big pockets tomorrow, for anyone who wants to ride along.

I had a crisis with my 16 year old son last night (he jumped off our 2nd story balcony to evade the police who were here to pick him up on a truancy warrant! ) and I left my T a message about that last night. Dealing with police officers is triggering for me, as is being in hospitals, especially emergency rooms. Dealing with cops IN the emergency room is pretty much the perfect storm for me to have a breakdown. Add to that the worry about my son and my other kids, and yeah. I broke down and called T.

ANYWAY. She called me back today. She was not boot camp T. She was not really her usual self, but I suspect she is deliberately changing the way she interacts with me. I am trying to trust that she's doing it because she believes it is in my best interest, and I am trying to trust that I will understand it better tomorrow.

At the end of the call she said goodbye. Not, call me if you want to or need to. Just...bye.

I sent T an email. It seems like I can't stop doing the exact wrong thing, I can't stop doing whatever it is that will make everything worse. I'm just digging myself in deeper and deeper and deeper.

I'm having a really hard time sitting with these feelings until tomorrow. I'm having a hard time sitting with them until 5 minutes from now.

[Sweetlove]

(((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))

I'll be a pocket rider tomorrow

Sorry about your son...I'm sure that was incredibly stressful and definatly not something you needed to deal with right now. When it rains, it poors. I'm glad you called T though and even though she seemed "off", she was still somewhat the person you needed to talk to. I'm sure you will figure things out tomorrow and discuss exactly what to expect from her and if she is going to change how you both interact.

Do whatever you have to do to get through until tomorrow...just take care of yourself. Thinking of you

[googley]

((((((((((Zoo)))))))))

I'm jumping into those pockets.

I'm glad you called her to get support. I'd be totally wigged out if the cops came to my house for any reason.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by zoo

I am trying to trust that I will understand it better tomorrow.

This is wonderful, zoo!! I'll hang out with your pocket lint, too! hehe

[WePow]

Sometimes the best way to learn is just to start dancing. We may not look good doing it, but we don't learn if we sit around on the sidelines. Live your life and interact with your life. You are learning the "how" along the way - like anyone brave actually does ;-)

[mixedup_emotions]

Make room for me in your pocket for tomorrow!!

I'm glad you went to group, and I hope you can bring what you learned into your session with T tomorrow.

As far as doing "everything wrong" and digging yourself deeper, try to think of it as a learning experience. This is all happening for a reason, and by experiencing this - and working through it with T - it can lead to growth and understanding. It may not happen quickly or without pain...but it has the potential to be a wonderful learning experience.

[ladyjrnlist]

That's right. You own T, not the other way around. So to speak.

[SpiritRunner]

I'm glad you went to group and had a helpful experience. Make room for me in your pocket tomorrow, too!