want to cancel...

So I know this sounds pathetic but I wanna cancel my appt tuesday even after having to schedule an extra appt thursday last week. I brought up what is turning out to be a really difficult issue for me...eating disorder type behaviors. She is keeping me highly accountable and Im freaking out BAD. If I call and cancel she'll know something is up and that Im reverting to old avoidance behaviors to keep from feeling. Plus its really stupid for me to cancel an original appt after having had to schedule an extra appt. I'm scared of what she'll say when she sees my homework...and 2 days of it are blank...UGH the guilt and shame from all of this is killing me. I dunno what to say or do I so wanna cancel but I know I shouldnt...Ick I dont like these dilemmas.

Melissa,
I am with you! I have therapy tonight and I want to cancel too! I keep a diary card of eating disorder behaviors during the week and turn it in to her. I hate doing it when I've had a bad week - I feel like such a failure. She always says she is not judging me, but the feelings are still there.

Keep your appointment, and try not to think about it until you get there. Is there some way you can distract yourself until then? I think the times we most want to cancel are the times that therapy can be the most helpful, at least that's been my experience in the past. Hang in there!

ps - it doesn't sound pathetic! Be kind to yourself, ok?

thanks. Im gonna keep the appt might call and let her know that I really wanted to cancel but Im keeping the appt. Im just hoping I can get up the nerve to start eating again but I doubt it. I try to distract myself but my head is too loud more often than not unless I decide to sleep it away. but again that would be avoiding not dealing with the problem. I will go but I dont like the chaos in my head leading up to the appt. Oh well deal with that when I get there.

I agree with DR. Be kind to YOU. It is ok to not want to go. But you are working on healing. You need to go in order to heal.

Please go to your app regardless. You will always look back and regret cancelling.

thanks. Im gonna go...despite really wanting to cancel. It is tomorrow morning at 9am...she is gonna be none to happy with me when she sees my homework but Im doing the best I can.

You can always slow it down in session if you need to. If it's too much too fast just make sure you tell your T. Take Care. Don't Cancel.

If you've done as much as you can, that's great! I don't think I've EVER done my homework - T just gently reminds me. It's for my own good at the end of the day.
I don't believe a T will ever be angry at you for not having done your homework

Thanks everyone. I just needed encouragement. There's no way to slow down sessions...the homework is a food chart so she can be sure I'm eating and I didn't yesterday and not so sure I can today. Which means 2 days blank...and in that situation she is atleast gonna be disappointed, give me another chart to fill out b4 i go and tell me again to eat something small 3-4 times a day...I cant do that much more than I did which was 3 days. So yes she will probably be mad if not tomorrow the second time. Oh well guess I need to just go and see what happens. So thats what im going to do tomorrow at 9am I will go see T and see what she says but Im pretty sure Ive hit the bullseye with what she will do.

I completely agree with WePow on this!