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#1
Feb 11, 2011, 11:21 PM
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I find couples therapy hard.
Today I was able to make it through the session. Better than that I put on quite a show. I acted strong, I sat up straight, I kept "open" and listened and spoke as honestly as possible. Meanwhile, my heart was in my stomach, a lump was in my throat. I wanted to attack my T for every other thing she said. I wanted to shake my partner. I just want to yell. I don't know what to say. How can something feel necessary, feel like the right thing to do but also feel so awful? Being in a relationship is like existing within a house of mirrors. When I see her come close I carefully move closer, when I see her pull away I quickly pull away - always too late. But... is she really pulling away? I can't tell. Is it an illusion? What I learned about trust and love while growing up makes an intimate relationship into a house of mirrors. When do I trust? When do I shut down and pull away? I'm just never safe. Don't let anyone get too close. What was I thinking? When I met my partner, I set off from the shore swimming. Everything was blue and clear. But now I am lost in the water. I can't see the shore anymore and I don't know how far it is to the next island. I just keep swimming. Hoping I'll make it.
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Keep this in mind, that you are important. |
 WePow
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#2
Feb 12, 2011, 10:19 PM
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Sorry you're suffering so much. You will make it. Just hang in there and things will become clearer. Going to therapy is a healthy first step.
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| Elana05
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#3
Feb 13, 2011, 02:21 AM
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I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time in your relationship.
I do hope that couples therapy helps you, although I'd encourage you to be as honest as possible with your feelings - and express what's going on within you - during the session. Making it a more genuine experience may help the relationship. Easier said than done though. 
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Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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| Elana05
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#4
Feb 13, 2011, 11:23 AM
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Tons of hugs to you!!!!
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| Elana05
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#5
Feb 14, 2011, 10:52 AM
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Elana, you are doing good work. Very good work for what you accomplished in there.
Quote:
Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| Elana05
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#6
Feb 14, 2011, 05:28 PM
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Thank you everyone...
I realize that I have a lot of anger. Why not? My mother had it, she passed it down to me. My dad had it, he passed it down to me - well, when he was around.  Therapy is helping (slowly) but I have to deal with it. Just bought a copy of this. Seems very interesting. Hope it has some insight. http://www.harrietlerner.com/pages/dance_of_anger.htm
__________________
Keep this in mind, that you are important. |
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#7
Feb 14, 2011, 07:07 PM
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Maybe your parents anger made you angry and then unable to express it?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| Elana05
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#8
Feb 14, 2011, 11:43 PM
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wow. hugs
 life is so HARD and COMPLEX. be gentle with yourself.i understand how wierd it is for something to feel awful but, feel like the right thing to do. its a very confusing place to be in. hope you find your way off the shore. you'll MAKE it! sending blessings your way.... JAZZY.
__________________
---  A bird doesn't sing because it has all the answers, it sings because it has a song.Maya Angelou. so sing. Jazz, sing. --jazzy123456 ---------------------------- "You're not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand." (Woodrow Wilson)
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| Elana05
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#9
Feb 15, 2011, 09:48 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Keep this in mind, that you are important. |
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#10
Feb 16, 2011, 11:25 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| Elana05
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