Embarrassed about having to call T

I very much dislike needing to call my T for help. I usually only do it when I simply can not break out of my anxiety on my own, and I feel that it's urgent. Usually, I will email and that helps by just getting the emotions out. In over a year and a half, I've probably only called T 5 times, and I always feel bad about bothering her when I do. I know I'm not really bothering her, and she never makes me feel like a burden and is always really supportive. She always tells me that she's glad I called and asked for help. Regardless, I always feel embarrassed and like I need to apologize for bothering her.

Today, I had to go to a meeting that was causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I knew I would be fine once I got to the meeting and started interacting on a professional level, but just getting out of the door and to my car was nearly impossible. I was completely frozen. I finally gave in, called T and left a message. She called me back within half an hour, talked me through the anxiety, talked me through leaving, and stayed on the phone with me until I was in my car and ready to back out of the garage. I'm not sure I would have gone without her support...and yet, I'm completely embarrassed that I needed it. I feel like I need to email and apologize...but I know she'll tell me I don't need to apologize and she won't accept it (we've been over that before).

I can't decide which is more frustrating right now...that I was overwhelmed by anxiety over just leaving for a meeting, or that I had to call T for support.

Sigh...

---Rhi

I understand how you feel about calling T, I really do.....I've done it maybe 2 times that was my own choice, and there were 2-3 times where she asked me to call her in a day or 2 after session and let her know how I was doing (after really hard sessions, or times I clearly wasn't doing well.....) I doubt I would have called her those times without her asking me to let her know....
It's OK though - you're not a bother at all. It's part of her job to offer you that service and that support.....I know you know that! Knowing that doesn't necessarily make it easier or make it feel less frustrating to do it.....but I am glad that you did and got the help you needed. Just tell yourself that the good in this is that you asked for help when you needed it and you got the help and strength you needed!

Poetgirl, yup, you're right...I know I'm not bothering her...but knowing doesn't make it easier right now! Usually, if I've had a difficult session, T asks me to email her an update later; she knows I'm more comfortable with the written word than a telephone. In fact, at the end of our call today, she asked me to email an update when I got home. I managed to email without also apologizing, but it was difficult to refrain!

Just realized...I think it's even more difficult for me to reach out because previous T's did not offer me the option to email or phone call, except in extreme emergency or for scheduling issues, so I'm still not used to being able to do so.

---Rhi

T is there for us when we need them. Your T was there when you needed her.
You can't undo your need for T at that time. And you did the right thing at the time.
We live in a human world and have human needs. Sometimes the needs are at a very primative level of our mind. The logical mind sometimes doesn't understand what the primative mind needs.

http://www.calgarypsychology.com/psy...fulness/brains

That is a simple way to show it there.

Don't be hard on yourself and get into an emotional rabbit hole.
Just let yourself continue to grow and get stronger each day!

i always feel th eexact same way. i've only called my t once. just don't like bothering people.

Hi Rhiannon,

Your T sounds wonderful. And you are very brave to reach out for support when you need it. I understand that it is hard for you to do, but you should feel proud that you are strong enough to do the hard things you need to do. THAT is strength, not weakness, and nothing to be embarassed about.

At the end of my call yesterday, my T asked me to email her when I got home from my meeting. I did...and in my email, I told her that I was embarrassed about having been so freaked out about going, and I felt "like a dork." She replied back this morning that it was great that I went, and that I should "be nice to your inner dork, we all have one." It made me laugh, which I really needed this morning!

be nice to your inner dork, that's funny!!