Lurkers, "Do you feel welcome?"

Just put "poop" into the search box. Probably most threads do not include that word, so you should have no trouble finding it.

OK Lurkers, resurrecting the post!!

no we dont

First of all, if you don't remember from when you first visited this site, 'guests' do not have the privilege of posting or commenting. They can only read the public forums. So, you'll never see comments from them.

Secondly, the term 'lurkers' is derogatory in my opinion. It conveys the idea that those who don't post are sneaky or devious or are up to no good. There are plenty of people who read and learn from this site. Posting comments is not the only way to gain from PC.

Maybe those who don't comment feel they have nothing to offer to the original poster in guidance or thoughts or suggestions, etc.

They also may be shy or maybe they prize their privacy more (even though we're all anonymous) or maybe they're worried about negative feedback or maybe they simply have nothing to say.

It can be a bit scary to jump in and make comments in a large cyber community. And some of us are very frank and uninhibited in our opinions. We've all witnessed some clashes between members here and it's very well possible that those who don't choose to post simply want to avoid any possibility of that occurring.

And there can be a myriad of other reasons. But for me, I choose to not label those who do not post as 'lurkers'. If they need a title, I will call them my 'honored guests'.

If you look up the definition of "lurker" this is what you will find: a person who reads discussions on message boards but rarely or never participates actively. Research indicates that lurkers make up over 90% of online groups. Lack of trust represents one of the reasons explaining lurking behavior.

When saying the word "lurker" it does tend to have a creepy sound to it. I don't see it as derogatory, though. I think I do like the word guests better. It does have a better ring to it than lurkers.

First, we are all "lurkers" to a certain extent. If we read a thread and don't contribute, we are "lurkers" at least for that thread. Second, Confuscious (supposedly) said that the first step toward wisdom is calling things by their right names. Well, the word "lurkers" is derogatory and I don't think it should be used. "Guests," "Silent partners," "Readers," "Visitors" -- there are many less offensive words that can be used.

My apologies to those who are offended by this thread. I think we should have left it as it was and not had it resurrected. It seems to be causing some issues. That was not the intent. Let's just put this thread back to sleep. For me, I actually feel attacked. That is exactly what we don't want to happen on PC. I would never intentionally write anything to offend anyone.

Again, to anyone who felt like I was being derogatory, I apologize. I do see your point. Lesson learned. It burned, but I get the message.

Just because there is some debate or people disagree is no reason to get rid of thread. Disagreement and debate and discourse and differing opinions are not bad. We are not all going to agree ever.

Squiggle328, I wasn't offended, and I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I don't think anyone thinks anyone set out to offend anyone. It's all okay! It's a good thread! People are thinking, and that's good. What's the use of exchanging ideas if they're all the same?

I've always liked the term "lurker". It makes me think of someone standing quietly unnoticed in the shadows, so thinking of myself as a lurker makes me feel safe - like I get to be part of the group without having any pressure to actively participate. I don't often have anything to contribute, but I get a lot of comfort and perspective out of listening to everybody else talk.

Part of the reason I am in therapy is because I tend to take things personally. I am EXTREMELY overly sensitive. I don't do well with things I perceive as rejection. It is a major trigger for me and something I try my best to avoid.

Thanks for clarifying that you were not upset with 'me'. You were just making a point about the term 'lurkers'. I do agree that it has a negative tone about it.

i used to post in this fourm all the time..in fact most of the time..recently i have branched out..when i try to post here now sometimes i feel like an outsider altho i have been around for a while..& then i get told..no humor,, no this no that etc..

so honestly at times while i know i am "free" to post this place doesn't feel as welcoming as it used to be...so i lurk.

perhaps others feel the same way...not everyone posts in the same fashion as everyone else..each person has their own style...& remember each person came to pc because of a mental illness or in support of someone with a mental illness..so honestly i find the rigidity or chastising not helpful. if you post a question...expect replies. don't expect everyone to agree with you or if that is what you want upfront, then say it..because i was under the impression that as a public forum we were all welcome to discuss equally our opinions in a helpful manner.

ok going back into the lurk mode.

Yeah. I agree.

I have noticed it seems like there have been more attempts to control what people say or how they say it on threads recently. I am not talking about where someone has been truly offensive or has seemingly gone out of their way to be attacking another member. I realize in a thread I started recently that I replied in a way that may have seemed like I was trying to control what others posted (I was trying to clarify for me - not others) - so I tried to fix it but I don't know if I did - I do not mind threads taking off in different directions. I find it interesting. I lurk when I have nothing to say and unlurk when I have something I want to say. I figure as long as I am only voicing my opinion (no matter how alone it may be) and not telling anyone else what to do or how to be or saying they are stupid, it should be okay. Humor is good and playing amongst members should be encouraged (in my opinion).

yeah, I am pretty oblivious to that kind of peer pressure, not saying that's a good thing - T and I were discussing that just this week, how kids couldn't bully me because I was being bullied at home, so it was kinda hard for mere kids to be meaner than your own family. I mean, kids don't even know you. Plus being an early February baby, I was older and taller and smarter, so... So I don't MEAN to be oblivious to social cues, and to be so harsh? I do appreciate the tap on the snout with the newspaper when I get out of line! This bi... er, old dog is here to learn some new tricks! (you like that one, stumpy? )

I think it can be a good thing in some circumstances. Go hankster.

Recently when I've posted something here I've been feeling like I'm in elementary school again, needing to conform to the teacher's idea of how things need to be done, so I decided to return to lurking most of the time.

Wow Stumpy, I had already read "not helpful" in your post even before you edited it to actually say "not helpful!"

bigger, taller? wow....not something i've ever known...(they don't call me stumpy for nuttin')

see they would bully me (because i was always 2' nuttin & i would laugh & say really? that's the best you got? stole my hat off my head? you must be poor, take it...i can get another one.

OH NO...just realized something..we have veered off track! shame on us. hitting self on hand!

This makes me quite sad - I liked reading your responses and playing with you.


I had too. Now hankster can reprimand me for my poor reading skills.(hankster - you know I am kidding with you, right?)

Perhaps we need a "playing" or "no playing" symbol like the trigger one to use on threads. (this is a joke - do not get offended).

I've been a member for a little over two years, and lurked for a few years before that. I'm the type that doesn't say much unless I feel it will further a conversation or be helpful in some way. I'm not much of a talker in real life. I'm a sideline, back of the room type of person, watching everything develop around me. I'll start a thread if I have a question or I feel the need to talk about something, but I spend most of my time on here reading other threads and just learning about different people's experiences. I find it interesting that two people may have the same official diagnosis, but they manifest in those people in completely different ways. It makes me feel a little bit more validated in my concerns over my social anxiety. I know I'm not a textbook case, but nobody else is either. A lot of times I feel like people think I'm making things up because I'm not a textbook example or I don't show my emotions in regards to anxiety, etc. I learn a lot by lurking.

There are times here that I feel that my problems aren't significant enough to contribute to a conversation. I tend to stay out of those, but I'll read the entire thread. I'm slowly learning that if I feel something is a problem in my life, then its a valid problem, but that is one thing that holds me back on here a bit.

Maybe I am being totally off the wall on this and taking it WAY too personal, but I think I need to get out of here for awhile. While I respect that some of you like to joke around alot, (for me) it can be a major trigger. That's just me, though. Post away. If I am offended, I will stop posting in that thread. That will solve the problem. At least it will for me. Everyone should be able to post in their own style.

Squiggle is taking a break.......... I am majorly triggered right now. Its my issue. Something I struggle with. You guys have fun. Will be back when my emotions settle down. I feel like I am in a crowd of people who are talking about me and acting like I am not there. This could be my insecurity. More than likely it is. My feelings are hurt. But that's not a big deal. I get my feelings hurt all the time. That's why I am in therapy!

Lurking = sinister = I like it!

I think the idea behind this thread - and the other 'lurker' thread - was really sweet: trying to encourage guests to register, and for new and old members to post. I know when I discovered this site it took me MONTHS before I felt comfortable enough to join - I was scared I wasn't worthy, scared no one wanted to hear anything I had to say, scared everyone would think I was stupid, scared someone might figure out who I was.. yada yada yada. I might have took notice of a thread like this, and the gentle prod to make myself known and become part of the community. I hope this is what some of our lurkers/guests/ and so-far/sometimes invisible friends decide to do - because WHAT a community

We can all learn from each other. Sometimes we can feel like we're the only one with a particular issue or that we're 'weird' or whatever and that nobody will understand, only to post and find out that others will empathise -- or someone else posts about it and you're like 'Thank you! OMG, me too!' If none of us ever posted, we'd get nowhere. Everyone is valid here! You never know how something you post may be invaluable to someone else.

Having said that, I'm still not always brave enough to post about everything I want to (maybe in time!), and sometimes I lurk on threads because I just don't always know what to say - I think everyone has days like that, yes?

I would hope that everyone feels free to post without fearing a backlash, too. This IS a support community. I think sometimes we have to remember to be careful, because by the nature of this place a lot of people are very sensitive, but I don't think that should dissuade us from gentle humour and healthy difference of opinion - the humour especially - several members here have often brightened my darkest days

One thing I don't think I have seen mentioned is that PsychCentral is a huge site, not just the forum portion and there are lots of other areas one can be/post (if one is a member of the site). Registering makes one a member of the site, not just the forums but people reading the blogs, taking quizzes, exploring research or books, etc. are all listed as "guests" unless they are members and have logged-in. John Q. Public may not be interested in the forums but if they land on the site, they're a "guest" of the site. But they are not necessarily reading our forums and posts.

I deal with feeling exposed by remembering when I lived in a large, high-rise apartment building that was built into a hill and had three entrances; the "back" door was in the basement, the "front" door lobby was on the 5th floor and the garage was on the 4th floor :-) I lived on the sixth floor and thus 1 floor from the lobby but my window was 6 floors up. I worried about robbers, murderers, thieves, etc. since I was a female living alone but the idea that someone would get into the apartment building and pick my apartment out of the hundreds of identical doors possible. . . not very likely.