[Jenn1fer82]

After not seeing a therapist for almost a year now I've decided to find a new therapist. I can't afford an actual licensed therapist but only interns that are being supervised during graduate school. I've seen these interns before in the past and many of them have turned out great. I am having a hard time opening up to the one I'm seeing now. I can tell she's nervous and she uses words that makes me feel I'm being judged. Already I feel like she's reading me like a text book. I know I need to talk to her but its hard. I've seen her twice and she uses words like dysfunction, disorder, disoriented to refer to the way I feel about things. I wish should could have use other words that has a softer tone to them bc it just made me feel bad about myself.

[disguise123]

well i would talk to her about just that: her language.
Tell her the words she is using make u feel worse.
Shes using negative terms
She should see where u are coming from, its perfectly
Reasonable.
Maybe u could address it all by saying to her, ''im having a issue with feeling like im being judged by others''
That way its not something she would take personally but a problem for her to guide you through?
Good luck
Xx

[Perna]

Sounds like she needs more practice but it would be nice if she didn't get it on you? I would be frank the next time she used a word you didn't care for, point out that "dysfunctional" or "disordered" are not feelings but descriptions and "disoriented", while it can be a feeling, is more appropriate to lost hikers or people who are feeling faint? But I don't see how you could make it work; it is not your job to teach her and I would feel resentful having to correct her and try to make it work with her; it doesn't sound like "accidents" or something she could correct easily but like she needs a whole lot more classroom training and practice with professionals correcting her.

I would write a letter to her supervisor/the clinic head and explain the problem to them and ask if you can try another intern without there being an embarrassing confrontation with her or, I would save up some money, try therapy in six months or so, see if you can think of a plan of attack on what you're wanting to work on and see a professional for a short period.

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by Jenn1fer82

After not seeing a therapist for almost a year now I've decided to find a new therapist. I can't afford an actual licensed therapist but only interns that are being supervised during graduate school. I've seen these interns before in the past and many of them have turned out great. I am having a hard time opening up to the one I'm seeing now. I can tell she's nervous and she uses words that makes me feel I'm being judged. Already I feel like she's reading me like a text book. I know I need to talk to her but its hard. I've seen her twice and she uses words like dysfunction, disorder, disoriented to refer to the way I feel about things. I wish should could have use other words that has a softer tone to them bc it just made me feel bad about myself.

where i work we use "the feedback loop" to help clients commuincate whats going on for them. it is as follows...

1. When i see/hear you do/say.....
--> this is just a description of the bothersome phrase or behavior

2. What i make up about that/what that brings up for me is.....
--> this is the meaning you make of those words or that behavior

3. And about that i feel....
--> this is what feelings come up as a result of the meaning that you assigned

4. In the future, i would prefer if you....
--> this is your vulnerable request. a concrete step that the person can take to avoid this conflict with you in the future


my clients always think it seems silly and feels unnatural at first, but they come around VERY quickly after using it. its just a really great way to express whats going on for you and ask for what you need.

[lastyearisblank]

Wow that's great Dr. Muffin! One thing that comes to mind is that what if the T doesn't agree? (Or say is offended). How do you work it out?

[Dr.Muffin]

im not sure where one could be offended in there...what youre essentially saying is, i am observing some action of yours and the meaning that im assigning to it is leading to these particular feelings. i would really appreciate if you would do something else in future.

now, step two is THE most important part IMHO. that is where the conversation is. if you say something and i "make up" that your intent is to belittle me, then of course im going to feel hurt, angry, judged, unsafe and so on....however, by just putting it out there, ive given you the opportunity to (1) understand WHY im feeling all those feelings, (2) set me straight if that was not your intent and (3) understand how your communication with me may need to be different

[Dr.Muffin]

also....sometimes there is an impasse and things cant be worked out. if its not an "agree to disagree" friendly situation, then we have to decide what what we are going to do to protect ourselves.

i think its always great to at least try to resolve conflict, even if it doesnt succeed. because then you know that youve done what you could and you dont have to have regrets

[WikidPissah]

I am never one for confronting my T about things that bother me...but Dr. Muffin's advice is quite good...I might use that myself....someday.

Good luck Jenn...I wish I knew what to do, but I can just offer support and good wishes.

[lovEternal]

if you dont feel comfortable with her i would request another person. It is important for you to trust that your therapist is helping you and feels comfortable doing so. its not your responsibility to make her feel comfortable about her job. I would tell her how you feel and then move on.