Dishearted

I have been in therapy for a little over a year. I started out bringing my son there because he has ADHD and I felt he was headed in the wrong direction with friends, etc... After about the 4th or 5th meeting, the T and I were talking after my son went outside and told me that he thought I looked sad and opened up the door for me to have therapy too. For the first 6 months or so my son and I split the sessions because medicaid was paying for it and the T said that by me getting the therapy my son is also benefitting from it and that is why it did not bother him to let medicaid pay for it. My son always went too, but I just spent the time he didn't spend within the hour. Then, after about a total of 9m months or so, my son started spending more and more time and there wasn't really time for me. So, by then I was in the middle of a lot of "stuff" and really needed to continue the therapy, so I started paying for sessions whenever I was able, which was usually once or sometimes twice a month. Now, I am really not able to pay anymore, but I am still kind of in the middle of therapy and not sure what to do.
I am also having strong transference issues, not romanically, but, basically I live in a fantasy world where he is with me all the time and we talk and just kind of act like good friends or family. It is very disheartening because I feel so emotionally attatched to him.

I think I'm a little confused...is the medicaid for you or your son? Is it your insurance but your son is using it for his time with the T?

Maybe you could stay with your T and have your son see someone else? That way you can stay on the insurance, but your son could be covered under his insurance? Again, I'm not totally clear on the insurance situation.

No, it is my son's medicaid. When he started wanting to see the T for the whole hour, which is good, I started paying to see him, but am kind of out of funds now.

Did you ask your T if he could give you a lower rate or are you saying you can't pay at all? I'm sorry; that's a hard situation to be in. Will your son be finished with therapy any time soon or are you saying medicaid is only for him?

About the transference. Yeah, I understand those feelings. It does sound like you're in the middle of therapy and need to talk it over with him. Can your son skip a few sessions so you can go, at least to discuss how you're going to manage if you have to stop completely? It sounds like a really difficult position for you to be in and I wish I had a better solution for you.

The medicaid is my son's. We have just been kind of splitting the sessions until he started staying in there more time, which is good. I have medicaid too, but the T only takes it for 21 and younger. As for me going in place of my son for a few sessions, not allowed because in order for his medicaid to pay for it he has to be there too. I am too embarrassed to ask for a lower rate, and even with a lower one, it would be very hard.

What about finding a T that would take your medicaid. I understand that that would be difficult to do b/c you already have a bond with this T. However, it might help with the transference issue (if it is an issue.) Sorry, I personally don't know much about transference.

Thanks for that suggestion. I am actually considering that. It would be very hard because this T is the only one I have ever gotten this far with (actually being able to talk about things that matter), so, I guess I just have to think about it more.

switching to another T is really hard, but if it's either a new T that accepts your medicare or no T at all, I would go in favor of the new T. You obviously are needing and wanting it. I know it sux to switch, but you have to take care of yourself.

Ya, I know you are right, and that is what I will probably do.

Today I see my T and I guess I will have to ask him if he can refer me to someone who takes my insurance. I have been with him over a year now and I don't know if I can stand the transition, but with these transference issues I am having, it might be a good thing, I guess. I am not looking forward to it, though.

((beauty)) I know that it is tough switching Ts especially when you find one you are comfortable with. I wish you luck. Here if you need to talk.

I sooooo wish I could have a hug from him today, but I could never ask such a thing and he probably doesn't give them anyway. He is ultra professional.

Well my T is going to try and find a reputable therpist for me who takes my insurance. I am overwhelmed with sadness, the kind of sinking sadness I always felt when I was a kid and had to leave one parent to go live with the other.

((((((beauty)))))) I'm sorry you have that feeling.....but am glad your T will help you find someone else who takes your insurance. I hope it works out for you, and that you can work through this sadness/abandonment sort of feeling you are having too.

I hope that things work out for you. You deserve it!!