just dumpedT(

You've gotten a lot of advice here and sometimes that's confusing. I'm just glad you're okay and want to send you some hugs!

Things are difficult. I really needed someone to talk to, but I called T the week before, and I didn't want to bug him again. I really needed to talk to someone, because I was in over my head, but I was calmed down during the call. I was safe.

No he didn't say either of those, he wouldn't, I don't even think that he thinks that. That is ALL me, the way I see it.

Thanks granite....I do feel really alone, and really overwhelmed.

Sunrise....too much to quote it all...but in general, it was NOT my T's call to section me. It was the er social worker. What hurts is that when she phoned him he said he wanted me hospitalized. He didn't talk to me or anything.

As far as the benzos...I am not addicted, far from it. I very seldom take any. I was in a lot of physical pain that day. I tried to do my workout and couldn't get thru it. I was feeling fat and lazy and disgusted with myself. I took the extra Klonpin with Tylenol to a) kill the physical pain and b) relax me. It was more than rx'd, but it wasn't an overdose like the er and social worker made it out to be, it was only 3 mg. and all parties involved know that I don't consume alcohol, I don't like it and can't stand the smell of it.

The pro's would win, hands down.

The problem is this, I have a lot of very dark thoughts, and sometimes they slip out. T's don't want to hear any part. They just slam you in the hospital so they don't have to deal. Personally...it's been years of T, and no one will let me talk thru these thoughts. I need to talk thru them, they aren''t going away. I can't be hospitalized every time I say what's in my head..it doesn't work. And hospitals don't work.

So I am dead in the water, no way around it but to dump the mental health system and try to figure my way thru by myself. I am going to see T tomorrow. I will talk it out with him, because I like him too much to leave it at 2 not very well thought out voice mails. I am classier than that.

This says a lot.

Your T doesn't want you talking to him about these ^ things?

I'm glad that you are going to discuss this stuff with your T!

quote : WikidPissah - The problem is this, I have a lot of very dark thoughts, and sometimes they slip out. T's don't want to hear any part. They just slam you in the hospital so they don't have to deal. Personally...it's been years of T, and no one will let me talk thru these thoughts. I need to talk thru them, they aren''t going away. I can't be hospitalized every time I say what's in my head..it doesn't work. And hospitals don't work. quote

WP, That's what T's are supposed to do, is to help you work through these thoughts! Have you discussed any of them with this T before? I know that some (very few that I know) out there do automatically freak out and think it's time for a little trip, but for working through the difficult areas is what they are trained to do. If he has said he will work with you maybe you can preface it with - I have these thoughts and that is all that they are and I need to discuss them. Please help me work through them - he will understand that you are not in danger.

I've told my T some pretty bad things and the only time she suggested I go to the hospital is when I really needed to go (I was delusional at the time (and had my date and plan set of which I didn't tell her).)

I am sure your T will work with you through these thoughts. Hang in there.

A

First Sannah I want to thank you a million times, you have been more than helpful, a steady reminder in the storm I am in. Thank you.

Every T I have ever had has tossed me in the hospital when I get even close to the dark stuff. My last one wanted me to get an exorcism after hospitalization. I have sui thoughts/urdges and sometimes very detailed plans. I can't talk about them and it's frustrating. I am not there...not ready to take my life, but I would like to be able to talk with someone and figure out why I have these invasive thoughts.
That's exactly what I have been trying to do. I say "I don't need the hospital, I'm not going to act on this" he usually says, "I promise, no hospital" and then I say a bit. But this time (which was far less than anything else I have done or said) he told the SW at the er he WANTED me hospitalized. So now it "feels" like I can no longer share these thoughts.

WP, you are very welcome.

Can you talk to your T about this dilemma? That you need to be able to talk about these things?

An exorcism! OMG!