The WORST Session of my life!!

I also surprise myself how soon I begin to burst all those light bulbs! Just as quickly as they came on, they go out. I am grasping in the dark trying to find myself again. I think I need to keep some matches and candles handy. Or maybe I just need to protect those light bulbs and not allow anything to burst them?

((((((Squiggle))))))

I want to come along with you in your pocket too!! Good luck tomorrow!!

I'll come with you squiggs- but do you think we coud meet somewhere in the middle? I'm afraid I'm gonna need some pocket riders tomorrow too. I'm really afraid I'm on the verge of just totally falling apart.

sent you a pm

Sent a pm back to you squiggs- thanks

Okay, I am starting a new thread. The BEST session ever!! It is amazing how much different my session was today from last Thursday!! I am so happy!!! Go visit my new thread and share in my joy!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your support!

As usual, I can't sleep (insomnia), so I thought I would browse through some old threads of mine. This one stood out to me so much. I couldn't help but laugh at myself at how I was acting. I guess when we go back and read through old threads, we can see just how far we have really come.

This was a year ago and I can see that even though I still have some of the same tendencies, I am doing better. Reading back through the emails I sent to my therapist are hilarious! I was really mad at her as you can tell. Refer back to post #65. Boy was I angry with my therapist!

Warning: for those of you who are new in here, you may not have ever seen this side of Squiggle!

I am horrified and ashamed at some of things I have written to my T.

squig if I said all of what you did say in your so called worst session. My T would jump up and down and do cart wheels. Of course it would be after she picked herself up off the floor! I know this thread is very old but I had to read it. YOU GO GIRL!

My therapist was actually elated that I "told her off". Every time I sent/send an email where I am extremely emotional (and let her know it), she will reply with something like, "Great Job!! Love it! Keep them coming!"

Of course, I always send an "I am sorry that I was mean to you" email. She tells me that I have nothing to be sorry for because that is what therapy is about. A place to let down my guard and say what is bothering me so that we can work together on learning how to express myself without fearing rejection or abandonment.

She says there is always some underlying emotion/fear that causes me to react in such a strong way. When I write all that down and send it to her, she gets a pretty good idea of how I feel. If I don't write it out and send it to her, she won't know.

I have to laugh when I think about her responses to my angry/mad/upset emails. She asks for more!

Sounds like my T!

If you really think about it, most therapists want to see some emotion no matter what it is. Mine tells me that as long as I don't hurt myself, assault her, or break things I will regret later, that I am free to express my feelings in any way that I need to. She said she's not there to judge anything I say and doesn't take it personal.

I guess the whole time I am ranting and raving, she is trying to infer or analyze what I am saying. Trying to get to the core of what's gotten me so upset. Often times, it has nothing to do with an event that just happened. That event was just the trigger that blew everything up!