[rainbow8]

I'm just plain scared because I've never taken meds for my emotional issues. Never! I don't like meds at all but I have to take them now, for prediabetes and high triglycerides.

I'm probably the only person with BPD not on meds but Ts suggested it and I didn't want to or couldn't because I was nursing back then.

I am scared of having awful side effects that don't go away. Also of having to tell my other drs. and dentist if I'm on them. Yuk!! I'm just scared.

But what if I've never known what feeling good feels like? I just don't think that's true, though. Why should I risk taking them? I don't know what to do and it's making me anxious.

My former T also recommended them and I actually went to a pdoc but changed my mind. I get tired from tylenol! I never thought my T would suggest them, but she went to a workshop about BPD and came back with this information for me.

[Dr.Muffin]

when you say BPD, do you mean bipolar or borderline?

[rainbow8]

Borderline. I wouldn't have objected if I had bipolar because it's proven meds help that disorder. But, years ago, my Ts said I could TRY meds but they didn't help personality disorders. I always feel a little depressed (dysthymic disorder), and I'm anxious most of the time. Besides now antidepressants are usually prescribed if you have borderline personality disorder, I think. In any case, I'm afraid to try!

((((((((((Rainbow)))))))))))

I REALLY didn't want meds, but finally hit a low enough bottom that I was willing to try anything. I have klonopin for anxiety - got that during the worst of the trauma stuff, when we first started talking about it and the newness was literally almost completely overwhelming me. I took (and take) as needed and it helps take the edge off.

I started Wellbutrin and I was terrified, but I just promised myself I could try it for 2 weeks and if I hated it, i could go off of it. There are quite a few posts around here somewhere all about my freak-out about deciding to take it. And you know what? I loved it. i took myself off, but I'm thinking about starting again.

Remember, it's not black and white. Nothing is forever. It is perfectly okay to try it, to decide "this isn't for me" and to stop taking it.

My H took meds for anxiety for a while and it totally rewired his brain. he had debilitating anxiety - truly- and after a couple of years on the meds, he went off and the anxiety was gone. It was like it gave him this period of time to experience the world as an anxiety-free place and those experiences made new connections in his brain. he is generally so much happier now. It's a gift.

I tell my drs and dentist I'm on them and they ask what for and I say depression and they SO don't care, really.

What are you MOST afraid of? I was a little afraid I'd be all better and not need T anymore...but it wasn't like that at all. I was just better enough to be able to do some really good and healing work with T.

[rainbow8]

thanks, tree. I don't know what I'm most afraid of. Maybe of the unknown. Maybe of pain/side effects. Feeling worse? What if I die from the meds? I don't feel so bad emotionally, but I'm anxious. I feel like I've done well in therapy and now that I'm doing mindfulness meditation, why is my T suddenly recommending meds? I know she's just suggesting them to me, but it makes me feel like I failed, and SHE, my T saw it. At first she didn't even believe my diagnosis of BPD but now she does. That makes me feel bad, that I thought I was better but apparently my T doesnt' think so, or why would she think I need meds?

((((((((((Rainbow)))))))))))

I don't have BPD and I take meds. There are lots of reasons for meds (like anxiety).

Meds don't mean you're doing a bad job. I promise.

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Borderline. I wouldn't have objected if I had bipolar because it's proven meds help that disorder. But, years ago, my Ts said I could TRY meds but they didn't help personality disorders. I always feel a little depressed (dysthymic disorder), and I'm anxious most of the time. Besides now antidepressants are usually prescribed if you have borderline personality disorder, I think. In any case, I'm afraid to try!

oh, okay. so what kind of information did she bring to you?

meds dont have to be scary....it can sometimes make you less apprehensive if someone explains things to you. what did she tell you about it?

[rainbow8]

Dr. Muffin,

Thanks for your help. Like I said, my former T suggested meds for depression also, and I went to a pdoc once but I didn't like her and chose not to take anything. My H thinks they make you a "zombie" but I think he's gotten over that idea.

My T went to a workshop on BPD and BP and thought I have low seritonin because of my diagnosis and the way I am. She wondered if I also had BP but we don't think so. That's why she suggested exerecise, vitamin B, and fish oil. It's more for depression and anxiety I suppose. She just wants me to feel better and not be so negative and anxious. She said I could try an SSRI and see if I feel better. That's all. I know there's probably nothing to be afraid of but I am afraid anyway.

She said she could recommend a pdoc if I want.

[velcro003]

Rainbow--I really fought the med thing for awhile too. I was like, "I'm not EVEN depressed!" After talking to my friends, they all said "What do you have to lose?" That was an argument I couldn't win, because I could only gain. We know enough information I think about anti-depressants where its not like you are foraying into the dark.

The good thing is, your T can recommend a pdoc. Mine did, and I love him! Also, we started off VERY slow. I started off at 50mg of Zoloft, and stayed like that for a year or two. Then things started getting worse, so we've been upping them. I'm now at 150mg. THEN everything went to the s**tter at work, and my boss begged me to see him. So now I've added Wellbutrin! I feel like a pill factory sometimes.

But you know what, I have no other explanation as to why I'm not crying all the time, or that I can focus at work...etc.

That being said, I was in denial about needing them for 2 years. I didn't believe I was depressed until maybe 5 months ago. But I kept saying to myself, "You have nothing to lose."

I don't know how your body reacts to medicine, but I had virtually no side effects with either Zoloft or Wellbutrin. I would get intensely nauseous for about 5 minutes if I took the zoloft on an empty stomach--but my pdoc told me I would, I am just stubborn!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

But, years ago, my Ts said I could TRY meds but they didn't help personality disorders. I always feel a little depressed (dysthymic disorder), and I'm anxious most of the time. Besides now antidepressants are usually prescribed if you have borderline personality disorder, I think.

People with BPD often take psych meds because they frequently have a co-occurring Axis I disorder, such as depression. So if you do take meds, you could think of them not as being for BPD but for dysthymic disorder. Don't know if that helps. Someone I know was involved in a clinical study looking at different meds or different therapies for BPD. The clear winner was DBT--better than meds. So if you are strongly concerned that you only be given a treatment that is evidence-based, then logically, that would mean you would choose DBT. Yet you've chosen IFS therapy instead of DBT and find it is helping you a lot. My point is, that the evidence based treatments work for many people, but not all. And the studies never test all treatments, just a few. So if you're so concerned that anti-depressants don't have good evidence that they can help with BPD, you could think of them as the IFS of the meds world.

Remember, you can always quit the meds if they don't help. SSRIs do not have awful side effects that don't go away. If they have side effects you don't like, you can just stop taking them. (You may be thinking of the old anti-psychotics, which could cause permanent changes in facial expressions and movements.)

Originally Posted by rainbow8

At first she didn't even believe my diagnosis of BPD but now she does. That makes me feel bad, that I thought I was better but apparently my T doesnt' think so, or why would she think I need meds?

My guess is she thinks meds could help you because of the dysthymic disorder and anxiety, for which SSRIs are frequently prescribed.

Rainbow, you don't have to try meds if you don't want to. You seem to have a lot of questions about side effects, whether meds would cause permanent changes in you, whether you might feel like a zombie, etc. Maybe it would be worthwhile just to schedule a session with a pdoc and talk about all of these things. Having more information might help making up your mind easier.

[sugahorse1]

I am a great advocate of meds, especially if you've been in therapy a considerable amount of time, and still cannot explain feeling down, or anxiety attacks, or sudden crying spurts.
Wellbutrin helped me a lot, and I don't need to see my T because I'm depressed and can't function, but rather to get my life on the whole back on track.
I agree-give it a try, and if it really isn't for you, you can stop

[SpiritRunner]

I accepted that taking meds, though I was scared to, is something I need to do. Not only because I am borderline, but because with the bipolar AND the borderline, it's clearly a case of necessity for me.
I too think you could look at it as taking the meds not because of borderline, but because of dysthymic disorder/anxiety.....and you know what, it's OK to take meds because of those, anyway! Maybe you will discover that there are feelings of a happier balance that you haven't had.....
And anyway, with the talk of there being a biochemical component to borderline, maybe meds WOULD help the borderline itself, too.....you never know. You never know if you'd don't try. And you may not have much for side effects anyway, you don't know that until you try, too!
I haven't taken my meds long enough to tell you that I definitely feel happier.....I don't feel happier, but I think I am not having as intense an imbalance emotionally as I was. My emotions ARE still intense, but the depression is not as crushing and the anxiety not as jittery and the mania not as soaring.....
I know it's a hard, scary decision to come to terms with, though.

[granite1]

i hope you will be able to talk with t more about it

[Butterflying]

Rainbow: Anti-D's are something you can try and if one doesn't work, you can stop it and try another. Sometimes it takes a lot of experimenting. They don't kill you. If they make you tired, it isn't like you can't function tired, unless you take the really old kind, but even then, your body adjusts and they tired feeling goes away. Why not try it? If you don't like it, you can stop.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

That's why she suggested exerecise, vitamin B, and fish oil.

Rainbow, have you worked with these suggestions religiously? Do you get an hour of formal exercise at least 5 days a week, and worked B and Omega-3s into your diet well? I would try these things really hard if you aren't sure you want meds.