For Me, It's Pure Narcissism

SpiritRunner · Apr 03, 2011, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suratji

It just feels so unnatural and uncomfortable to talk about myself for 50 minutes straight and to have someone listen intently to me that whole time. I love it because it feels like I'm finally being heard but it still feels wrong to me.

I do understand.....somehow, I feel sort of guilty at times for getting to spend a whole 60 min. focused on ME, when I have always been taught NOT to focus on me, and to draw out the other person and have mutuality in conversation! Makes me feel a bit like I am getting to indulge a selfish desire/need to talk so much about me, my pain, my problems......but actually, it is a genuine need that I couldn't expect a friend to ever fulfill. So T does fulfill that need and it is a safe place to talk about ME!
My T does self-disclose, never inappropriately, but the fact that she does does make it feel a bit more balanced, rather than ALL me ALL the time.....I get to know stuff like T is an insomniac sometimes and that's why she loves relaxation/guided imagery/sleep CDs! It makes her, and thus the interaction, seem more real and helps me feel less selfish/guilty in some way....I know this sounds funny....

PTSDlovemycats · Apr 03, 2011, 04:02 PM

Suratji, I don't know how else to say it, but you are not a narcissist.

Suratji · Apr 03, 2011, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Suratji, I don't know how else to say it, but you are not a narcissist.

Thanks, Cats, but I still feel like it. But I've come to think I shouldn't struggle with this anymore. (Yeah, I made that decision last month too

). I'm thinking I should acknowledge my faults, stop trying to be what I'm not and be done with the struggle. There's only struggle when you fight, right?

PTSDlovemycats · Apr 03, 2011, 04:15 PM

Yes, that sounds MUCH better!!

Apr 03, 2011, 05:45 PM

Sannah · Apr 11, 2011, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suratji

I have my own needs that I've neglected.

But, the thing is, I don't want to have my own needs. I want everyone else to have their needs met and I can be the giver, not the taker.

It's such a difficult idea to wrap my mind around - that I deserve having my needs met too. I don't even want to acknowledge that I have needs. So it feels very very bad to spend all that time talking about myself (but I do it very well, you know)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suratji

It just feels so unnatural and uncomfortable to talk about myself for 50 minutes straight and to have someone listen intently to me that whole time. I love it because it feels like I'm finally being heard but it still feels wrong to me.

Do you understand where all of this ^ came from? (I feel that we can't release ourselves from our issues until we can trace it all the way back to the seed because you have to release your issue from the seed).

sittingatwatersedge · Apr 11, 2011, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suratji

the thing is, I don't want to have my own needs. I want everyone else to have their needs met and I can be the giver, not the taker.

It's such a difficult idea to wrap my mind around - that I deserve having my needs met too. I don't even want to acknowledge that I have needs. So it feels very very bad to spend all that time talking about myself

I think it's very good that you have come to this realization

it's so much safer isn't it, to work on meeting others' needs, and not deal with depending on others' meeting (or yikes, NOT meeting) yours ... at least that's how it feels from here... the only thing is, we do have needs, even if having them makes us feel defective and shame filled.... this is not narcissism Suratji.

one other misc thought.... "Narcissism" is not an all-bad concept; after all, there is a healthy narcissism that occurs in early developmental years, as the child learns to differentiate from others. Could it be possible that, even in what is remembered as a calm-filled life, that phase didn't go quite a well for one reason or another as one might think? so that today, having someone really listen intently for an hour is unsettling?

Suratji · Apr 11, 2011, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

Do you understand where all of this ^ came from? (I feel that we can't release ourselves from our issues until we can trace it all the way back to the seed because you have to release your issue from the seed).

I still don't know where that comes from. It is something that T and I are exploring. Probably somewhere in childhood. Unfortunately I have hardly any memories from that time. I'm guessing I believe that I only have value to others if I'm giving to them. That idea has been reinforced in my life. Also, if you have no expectations of receiving, then you avoid being hurt.

Suratji · Apr 11, 2011, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I think it's very good that you have come to this realization

it's so much safer isn't it, to work on meeting others' needs, Oh yes, definitely safer. I love being safe.

and not deal with depending on others' meeting (or yikes, NOT meeting) yours ... at least that's how it feels from here... the only thing is, we do have needs, even if having them makes us feel defective and shame filled.... this is not narcissism Suratji. I'm working with T on how to ask for what I want/need and not feel so terrified of hearing the word 'no'. We will practice by me asking her for something ridiculous that I know she will say no to - like "can we run away to the circus?' Funny thing is, even asking that question of her scares me

one other misc thought.... "Narcissism" is not an all-bad concept; after all, there is a healthy narcissism that occurs in early developmental years, as the child learns to differentiate from others Good point.. Could it be possible that, even in what is remembered as a calm-filled life, that phase didn't go quite a well for one reason or another as one might think? so that today, having someone really listen intently for an hour is unsettling?

It is very unsettling. But, amazingly I talk quite well. I am self propelled. I have so so so so much on my mind and so so so so many feelings that need to be heard. T hardly has a chance to say a word. Even so, it embarrasses me to talk to much. It doesn't seem very 'polite'. T and I have discussed this particular issue a lot so she does know about it.