Can you file a lawsuit against your therapist for not helping with your transference?

lastyearisblank · Apr 04, 2011, 09:59 AM

Yes, eskielover has given you an incredible response. There is so much you could learn Protoform. You are coming off so unseasoned here, not bad, but simply inexperienced, which is why I think you're getting such an overwhelming response from people.

There is a lot of anger in your posts. I think a lot of the responses on here are trying to spare you the pain of being stuck in this situation, and not being able to move forward.

Protoform · 11:11 AM

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Originally Posted by Elysium

Well, what I can say is that pain is relative to each person. No T, or client is going to know going into therapy how much distress the therapy is going to cause.

But T's should be able to predict these things. That's why they have degrees in psychology. I, on the other hand, didn't even know about transference when I went to therapy

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More often than not, when a person enters therapy and begins to work their issues, the pain increases as hurtful things get brought to the surface.

This is not what I went to therapy for.

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Transference does not equal "falling in love" with a therapist. I am curious to know though, in what ways do you feel that your therapist has lead you into a painful trap? What sort of behaviors did she take part in?

She was physically attractive and she was very nice to me. And I am not gay, so obviously I was going to feel attracted to her. And I doubt she didn't suspect this was going to happen. Even women without degrees in psychology, even uneducated women would have been able to predict this outcome.

Maybe the therapist figured "well, it's impossible for me to make this guy fall for me", but if he does end up falling for me, the therapy might be more successful.

Maybe that's what she thought? Who knows? Can you read her mind? I can't.

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As far as you being vulnerable, we are all vulnerable...even therapists are vulnerable. You are stating that your T made you feel love for her and you sound angry.

I never said that my T made me feel love for her. That might be the impression that you got after reading my messages, but if you read my messages again you might notice that my complaint centers around the fact that the T was careless and irresponsible in the way she handled me.

As for the anger, why is it of more concern to you than the pain I experienced when I was in therapy? Is it because my pain is of no concern to you? I don't blame you for not caring about my pain (why should you care?), but at least be frank about it.

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Love is painful. It's not all rainbows and butterfly's.....it can't be. There will always be strife and sorrow in love.

I don't care. I did not go to therapy because I wanted to feel love.

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The important thing to learn is how to communicate through this strife and sorrow to preserve the relationship. It is okay to be angry for your pain, but at some point you need to realize that your pain is not your T's fault. It is a natural feeling to feel these types of emotions towards someone who treats you with positive regard and looks after your best interests.

If it's a natural feeling then it's nearly impossible for the T to not have foreseen it. Do you really want me to think that my T was that stupid?

Besides, I don't want the positive regard of a person whose job consists of giving positive regard to clients. If I am going to receive positive regard, I want that positive regard from a person who likes me for who I am, not because that's what their job entails or because they have a messianic complex and indiscriminately give positive regard to everyone.

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Anger is often a secondary emotion which serves to protect humans from their own vulnerabilities...so instead of having to feel the love, and the hurt from not being able to have that love, the anger kicks in so you can have someone to blame.

I would have been spared this pain if I had never gone to therapy.

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You can research this all you want....and you can contact an attorney and consult with them, but as a non-attorney I can pretty much tell you that you do not have a case.

I know I don't have a case. I went to therapy, I got hurt, there is nothing I can do about it. Obviously I feel angry.

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Transference is a common occurrence in therapy.

Why was I not warned about it?

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It can be very healthy for the therapeutic relationship if the client is willing to work through it with the therapist, or it can be a devastating occurrence if the client is not willing to work through it.

Which is why therapists should be upfront and warn clients about these dangers. I didn't go to therapy because I wanted to work through transference. I wanted to work on the issues that brought me to therapy.

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So, I guess it's your choice as to how you want it to go. You can choose to work with T, or whichever T you end up with and you can do what you can to process your feelings and emotions so you can have a more positive experience, or you can choose to not work through it and become a victim of yourself.

It's up to you....it really is a choice.

I choose not to employ the services of a therapist ever again. I don't even want to be the acquaintance of a therapist.

lastyearisblank · Apr 04, 2011, 11:06 AM

Protoform, do you mind if I ask if you've posted on this forum before?

TrulyMadlyDeeply · Apr 04, 2011, 11:38 AM

Protoform, I have been a lurker in this form for a long time.
Your post made me register so I would be able to tell you that I totally agree with you and understand what you are going through.

There really is no where else to vent the pain and frustration that transference causes. It is a secret pain. An unfair pain.

As far as I'm concerned, your anger is appropriate.

If I could say anything that would help to alleviate your agony, I would.
I can only offer my understanding.

I'm going through the same thing.

anilam · Apr 04, 2011, 11:47 AM

Well I think its a well known fact that erotic (I think is called that way) transference happens. I think is no body's fault, well not if its handled properly. If it is abused it is already illegal and therefore punishable in court.

I must say I have never experienced it. I like my T, sometimes I project hate/love/... emotions on him. Sure as hell he countertransfers them back. But I have never fell in love with him. Maybe it is because I have never fell in love with anyone. So I would kind of welcome it to happened,cause than I would be able to fall in love with somebody else.

Protoform · Apr 04, 2011, 12:39 PM

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Originally Posted by eskielover

When you were a younger person (or even older), there are times when relating to others around us that we can end up with a crush on someone & have feelings for them that aren't the way they feel about us.

Growing up is about learning the skills to handle that kind of pain & those kinds of situations....unfortunately, many of us didn't learn those skills as we were growing up.....& need to learn them at the older age in Therapy. If you aren't willing to work with your T on learning the skills, & you come across with an attitude of not being willing to learn skills, then it doesn't surprise me that your T is referring you to another T who might be able to relate to you in way that can get through to you.

The thing is, if I had never gone to therapy I never would have been put in a position where I need to learn these skills, since crushes on people are not part of my life experience.

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Law suits aren't the answer to every pain we feel in life. Learning the skills to be able to handle them is the answer....but you need to be willing to learn those skills rather than to go on attack when you are feeling pain & trying to point fingers at whose fault it is.

The pointing fingers would probably go way back to your childhood. There are just some things in life that we have to accept as being what they are & learn the skills to handle those things....which is our responsibility, not the courts responsibility to hold some innocent person responsible for your emotions.

I hold them responsible for not warning me about the pain I was possibly going to endure while in therapy.

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I'm guessing that your T doesn't feel that you are open to learning those skills from her which is probably why she is referring you to another T.

What was she going to tell me? "You have a crush on me but your emotions are just emotions so you shouldn't care?" That's why I wrote in my other thread that therapy turned me into a sociopath. Because if love and affection are emotions that need not be respected then perhaps I should follow my therapist's example and treat other people's emotions with the same disregard that she treated mine. Maybe the therapist is right. Maybe I am an idiot for thinking that those emotions matter.

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Maybe you would be better off getting a T who focuses on DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). It's a lot of work but the best therapy I have encountered in my 17 years of therapy.

I agree that if I ever receive more therapy it should be a different type of therapy. But you say that you have been in therapy for 17 years? 17 years is a long time. I would question the effectiveness of therapy if I still need it after 17 years.

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It teaches & gives practice in mindfulness which teaches the ability to identify our emotional thoughts & rational thoughts & come up with wise solutions to problems we come across in life. There is also a section of Distress Tolerance, learning how to handle distressful situations that come up in life. There are also sections on learning about Emotional Regulation & Interpersonal Effectiveness & learning the skills to be able to use them in our everyday life. Skills that would have been good for everyone to learn as we were growing up, but most of us weren't in a healthy enough family life or had parents who had not idea how to teach us these skills while we were growing up.

Therapy is all about learning & practicing skills to help us in life, not trying to point fingers & accuse others for how we are feeling or how we act, or how we respond to situations. When we can learn to handle the situations we find ourselves is, we don't dig ourselves deeper into continuing situations that have brought us to Therapy in the first place.

The thing that brought me to therapy is a problem that I should have attempted to tackle with chemicals. But my fear of their side effects of was such that I ended up leaning toward therapy.

But if I had only been warned about the side effects of therapy I would have given chemicals a try. What's a headache or a stomachache next to the pain I endured in therapy?

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It helps us look at the past situations & also help understand where we have come from & how to handle the emotions that we are dealing with in relation to past issues we need to work through.

Therapy is our WORK, it's not finding a T who will magically FIX everything in our life, but help us put past situations in their appropriate perspective & learn skills to help us in the future. Finding a T who will work with you in this way rather than like my past T's who just sat there & listened to me talk, is critical to our healing & learning how to STAY HEALED in the future.

Then I guess it was my fault for trusting the system and being too lazy to do my homework. If I had known what I was getting myself into I wouldn't have bothered with therapy.

Hopeforhealth · Apr 04, 2011, 12:57 PM

I am still in love with a therapist Who forced me to stop seeing her because the relationship hurt my wife. How could I sue someone whom I love?

Protoform · Apr 04, 2011, 01:37 PM

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Originally Posted by Hopeforhealth

I am still in love with a therapist Who forced me to stop seeing her because the relationship hurt my wife. How could I sue someone whom I love?

I'm glad that your therapist forced you to stop seeing her. She did the right thing.

But how can you love a person who allowed you to develop an emotion that hurt your write?

Besides, your therapist probably did not love you. She just treated you the way she would have treated any other client, no matter how unlovable and flawed.

I'm sorry you fell in love with your therapist. I don't think it was your fault.

lastyearisblank · Apr 04, 2011, 01:41 PM

The Poet, right?

Knock this off.

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Originally Posted by Protoform

I'm glad that your therapist forced you to stop seeing her. She did the right thing.

But how can you love a person who allowed you to develop an emotion that hurt your write?

Besides, your therapist probably did not love you. She just treated you the way she would have treated any other client, no matter how unlovable and flawed.

I'm sorry you fell in love with your therapist. I don't think it was your fault.

Marie123 · Apr 04, 2011, 01:49 PM

Tranference is just a fancy word for.....feelings....transference is present in ALL relationships.....unfortunately, with a therapist....someone who listens, cares, etc., etc.....it becomes more intense. I believe all therapists should discuss the issue beforehand....it won't make the feelings any easier, but at least there won't be so much confusion.

granite1 · Apr 04, 2011, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

The Poet, right?

Knock this off.

????????????

lastyearisblank · Apr 04, 2011, 02:35 PM

Just testing a theory... I have a feeling that this guy used to come on here as The Poet and flame other members about "your therapist doesn't love you" etc

granite1 · Apr 04, 2011, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Just testing a theory... I have a feeling that this guy used to come on here as The Poet and flame other members about "your therapist doesn't love you" etc

i remember.i would hope this isnt true.

Liam Grey · Apr 04, 2011, 03:05 PM

To tell the truth I remember too another user posting more or less this same exactly stuff some time ago.

I'm sorry for him as he just looks like a person that is suffering a lot...

Can't Stop Crying · Apr 04, 2011, 03:41 PM

Protoform - so many here have tried so many ways to help you and provide insight and advice...it doesn't seem like any of us have the answers you are looking for. Please seek help in real life, sounds like you may need more than a support forum can provide?

rainbow8 · Apr 04, 2011, 04:34 PM

I don't think he's "The Poet". I actually thought that was a woman. But there was someone posting a lot of threads like these not so long ago but I don't remember the "names." It was a different person, not "The Poet". Just my guess.

Christina86 · Apr 04, 2011, 06:40 PM

At this point, I think this thread has run its course and has gone off topic, so I will be closing this thread. Thanks!

Christina86
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Can you file a lawsuit against your therapist for not helping with your transference?

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