[Splintered]

I have t today - in 6 hours - and I really, really, really just want to call and say I'm ill or something and stay home. After today my t is away and I won't see her again for 4 weeks so I know I should go. I was, up until a few days ago, really dreading the break because so much stuff has been going on and she's the only person I can talk to about it but I think my body/mind has decided to give me a break from all that and it all seems very far away right now. If there was something I needed to talk about or wanted help with before the break then it would be much easier to force myself to go but I don't want to talk about anything - I don't want to be jolted out of this break. I have pretty bad anxiety problems - to the point where I rarely leave the house - so every tuesday I seem to spend most of the day worrying about getting to t and back and wondering whether I can go and crying and generally feeling completely stressed out so that also plays into this. If it was easy for me to get there I would go today no problem. It's so much harder to force myself to go when I don't feel any need to go.

Sorry this is just one big whine I don't know what to do

[Elli-Beth]

Let's trade places! I'm scared because I have to wait 'til Friday and I think I'm going to lose it before then.

Maybe you could try to remind yourself of all the good things about your T and how its helped so far?

[Can't Stop Crying]

Hang in there Splintered! Just do the best you can and be patient with yourself! Do you need any pocket riders?

[Splintered]

Thank you both.

Elli-beth - I would gladly trade places with you and give you my session today. I really wish I could.

Can't Stop Crying - thanks for the offer of pocket riders. I'll be taking you up on that if I decide to go. Still not sure what to do Guess I better figure it out soon so I can let my t know if I'm not coming

[sittingatwatersedge]

Splintered - can I come too?

have you talked to yr T about how to stay connected during the break? a keepsake, even email contact if needed? I hope this is a good restful time for you coming up.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I'm in your pocket, ready for you to decide!

[Liam Grey]

I know how you are feeling. I have therapy thursday and it's the first time in two years I probably REALLY don't want to go.

I can only offer all my support, anyway, whatever you'll personally decide .

[Splintered]

Thanks. I just called and left a message saying that I can't make it today - I just can't face it. Now I have to wait for her to call back, bleh, I'm really not very good at talking on the phone. Thanks for your support

((((((((Splintered))))))))))

I'm so familiar with that feeling of not wanting to go to the session before the break. If I'm in a place where I've kind of "shut down", I'm scared to go and open everything up again and then be left alone with it.

I actually always ended up showing up for those sessions, and I would tell him "I do NOT want to get into anything hard before break", and we would talk about other things - how to get through the break, how to reach out to someone if I needed support, how to hang onto the connection with T and still believe in it.

Twice before a break, something really big did come up. One time in particular, I was triggered, BIG time, the night before, and I ended up having a longer session and telling him all of the details of part of my story. And then we had something like 10 days off The timing felt horrible, but it just was what it was, and even that ended up being okay in the end. The trigger had happened, and I was going to be stuck with the flashbacks either way. I think it helped a little to tell T what was going on, even though he wasn't there to help me through it afterward.

My T takes lots and lots of vacations, so I have a lot of experience with breaks

You know what's best for you. I was always afraid that if I didn't connect with T before he left, that I would regret it, so I always went.

Lots of hugs to you....4 weeks is a long time

[anilam]

I think it is important to go even when you don't want to.
Maybe it has something to do with her going away?
4 weeks are very long (my T does say that breaks in therapy should be as short as possible-he doesn't take a holiday longer then a week- one during Xmas and one in summer) So do not make it even longer.
Go there.

[SpiritRunner]

[Splintered]

Thank you all for the support.

Isn't it weird how you do something thinking you're doing it for one reason and then after you've done it realise that wasn't the reason you were doing it at all? Or not the main reason anyway. After cancelling yesterday I realised that the main reason I didn't want to go was because I was worried I wouldn't be able to go back after the break and I was feeling cut-off from all my issues and a little bit from t so it seemed like it would be less painful not to go and risk getting re-connected to t/my issues and then possibly not being able to go back after the break I spoke to my t yesterday and she has changed my session to a different day at an earlier time which will hopefully make it a little easier to go when she gets back because I won't have nearly the whole day to worry and stress myself out about it. Now I just hope I can get myself to go back after a 3 week (well 4 weeks including this last week) break. I'm literally just worried about a 10 minute car ride, not the session itself. It's such a tiny part of my week and yet it stresses me out all week

[granite1]

glad you were atleast able to talk to you T and make arrangements that may be a little more comfortable