Sent to T.

Hi T,

It's been two weeks and I'm thinking it might be time to check in. Just to see how I'm doing, whether I should come back to therapy, whether I should continue the break.

It's been AMAZING in a lot of ways...but over the past day or two I'm noticing myself losing a lot of time. H drank A LOT last night and it got ugly and blah.

It seems like when I first started the break it was a lot easier for me to hold onto the gentleness towards and acceptance of myself, but now it's a little harder to reach. And, actually, life is a little hard when I don't have any breaks/time for myself, and therapy really served that purpose for me.

I think when I come back, I would like to bring a candle to light in the office or something. Just something to "clear the air" a little bit. I felt so stifled for a while there.

I know you are on vacation, but when you do get this, will you let me know if we can schedule a time to get together this week? I'd like a 90 minute session if it's possible.

Here are times I have this week:

Tuesday after 1
Thursday before 12
Friday before 12

Is there any time in there that will work?
tree

[granite1]

[Elli-Beth]

Well worded! To the point and meaningful!

You know what? I just used a "bad coping skill" I haven't used in probably YEARS. Maybe part of me is ready for break, and part isn't. Which sucks

I've been losing tons of time (like I said in my e-mail to him) over the past couple of days, and I guess that's a "bad coping skill" too.

I hate to even write this stuff here, because I feel like a big failure, but you know, it just is what it is. It took me a LONG LONG LONG time to build up these fears and defenses, and I guess that it will take a long time to really get rid of them

I *am* proud of myself for doing as well as I've done until the past day or so, and I am open to the possibility that a check-in with T will set be back on the right path and I can continue the "break" a little longer if I need to.

I guess I'm disappointed in myself and accepting of where I am all at once.

I kind of feel like I've let people HERE down. Oh well, I really tried. I'm not sure where I stumbled exactly, but I guess I did.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey hunni

(huge hugs!)

I think you have succeeded just by trying so hard to cope with a break and to take on the challenge and try to accept that idea, that is very difficult to so!! If you go back to therapy now you won't be failing or letting anyone down, there is no shame at all in needing help, no matter how much or how little!

Personally I think you have done great to take on the break so positively and if it's time to check in or go back then thats totally ok...you need to do what is best for you, not what you think looks best to others, you are important!

DIz xxx

p.s also making a smal error or fall by using a bad coping mechanism is natural, we have to fall to know what it's like to stand tall

[Suratji]

you've let nobody down here on PC. We're all struggling and it takes time for new habits to be second nature. I think you're doing great and you shouldn't beat yourself up just because you used a bad coping skill.

It's like learning anything in the world. We study, we practice, we experiment, we try to apply our knowledge but it's a life long exercise. I don't believe that we'll ever stop needing help in any endeavor we embark on. So, why should our mental health abilities be any different?

[SpiritRunner]

tree, you did so well with your break! you let no one down. 2 weeks is longer than I could manage right now, so I find that impressive. you learned some good lessons that helped others here so much, too.
your email is lovely and honest. you asked for what you needed, and that is so good.

[nannypat]

You have inspired me, not let me down. Your strength and self awareness has shown me what is possible. With or without T you have demonstrated a personal growth I can only dream of reaching someday. You have shown a trust in a T that I can hope for, but must work toward. You have shared your ups and downs to benefit so many others.Thank you.

[Sweetlove]

Tree you didn't fail...2 weeks is a HUGE success! I can barely go 4 days right now...I've had to keep going twice a week. You were and ARE incredibly strong for the time you took your break.

Your break doesn't have to be over if you don't want it to be...but it's ok if it is. You learned a lot...how to apply the tools T gave you, how strong you are, how you will be okay if you need another break, how T won't leave you if you aren't a paying client...lots of reasons to be proud of yourself.

Take care of yourself, and if that means checking in with T, going back to T full time, or taking more time off...then that's what you need to do. Lots of love and support

[learning1]

Originally Posted by nannypat

You have inspired me, not let me down. Your strength and self awareness has shown me what is possible. With or without T you have demonstrated a personal growth I can only dream of reaching someday. You have shown a trust in a T that I can hope for, but must work toward. You have shared your ups and downs to benefit so many others.Thank you.

I agree w what nannay said!

[ECHOES]

Dear sweet tree

Please don't judge yourself at all. Please be gentle and kind to you, as you are to others.

You did this break as a way of seeing how it would go. So, you noticed in this trial that some things went okay and some didn't. Life is for learning and you've learned more about you and where you are ~ and possibly this is the only way you could have learned these things. So I think it is the genius part of you that thought the break might be a good idea and wondered what it would be like.

And you were able to cope well at times. Those times still are real and are not negated by other times when you struggled

I still think you were very courageous to take the break in the first place!!

[Can't Stop Crying]

You didn't let anyone down. You've shown amazing strength and courage! So you may have used an old coping skill...you realized you were using it and identified it. Coping skills that we have used for a long time don't just disappear...identifying them is a huge step. I'm proud of you!

[WePow]

(((((((((Tree)))))))) Don't allow the emotion of guilt or shame to take root and make you spiral. You know you have been doing great and working hard. That is what matters. Keep on fighting and live each hour as it happens.

[sittingatwatersedge]

You didn't stumble, Tree, and you haven't failed;
you are taking things as they come.

When you feel strong enough for a break, you take a break;
when you want to express gratitude to T, you send him a book;
when you want to check that you're on the right path, you check with him;
when you need reinforcements, you ask for them;

it's all OK. Really!

if you would not allow yourself his support at all, out of feelings of "failure" or what not - that would be a problem, but this is no problem. You are doing fine. When the two of you get together again he will tell you so

[elliemay]

I'm with SAWE, this is no failure at all. This is just wisdom.

[Luce]

Jeez Louise, you're hard on yourself! YOU GOT TO A POINT IN YOUR THERAPY WHERE YOU WERE ABLE TO TAKE A BREAK FROM IT! That's is HUGE!!
So you feel now that you've had enough break and you need to go back.
There's no 'failure' there, hon. That's simply knowing yourself, taking care of yourself, making the best decisions for you at any given time, and having the flexibility to revise those decisions on an as-needed basis.

[purple_fins]

I think you have done awesome work!

your "path" will take you were you need to go (IMO)
-- I dont' think it's a matter of failing or succeeding
-- it's just -- going along your path.

best to you

fins