[Chronic]

Im not sure if this my personal problem and the way I relate to people or whether its my Ts boundaries but I read so much on here about people knowing their Ts likes/dislikes, and how you know about little things that go on in their lives . Im just wondering how this info comes about...do you ask T "what is your favourite book or what are your interests etc etc" or does T volunteer the info.

My T does tell me personal stories but only when relevant to a problem I have and I would not feel comfortable asking him anything other than what he has disclosed. I am always aware that T is doing his job and we are not friends(even though I wish we could be) therefore why would he want to engage on small talk with me when he has friends to that with. I wish I didnt think like that and could somehow be more relaxed around this issue.

What happens with you and T?

[PTSDlovemycats]

Mine is just an incessant chatterbox that talks about anything. Lol.

[anilam]

I ask him, mostly when I don't want to talk about myself.
Sometimes I have tried to make him angry by asking to most private (and insulting )questions.
When I don't ask he wont tell- so I have found out he had his 5th child one year later.

[sailboat]

I know a few things about her. Sometimes she tells me to give me a second perspective on an issue or she just tells me when we have our few minutes of chit-chat or what's going on in my life.
She never really volunteers it and I feel the reluctance when I ask her something "personal" (something that doesn't refer to her as a T)

My t and I always have a certain amount of just friendly conversation. It just is a natural part of our relationship. I like that about him. It keeps him "human".

[qwerty000]

I know a little, but not much. There are lots of things I want to ask, but it's hard for me because I'm so excessively concerned with her boundaries. I guess that applies to things I share as well. Heck, now that I think about it, I've even struggled with asking about boundaries at times, because asking could be an infringement in and of itself.

She knows I have excessive boundary concerns to some extent, but I don't know if she understands the extent of it. I know, I should bring this up with her, and intended to do so in relation to something else on Monday, but it slipped my mind.

[Suratji]

I know almost nothing about her - that she's female, is a T and likes the poetry of Rumi - that's all.

[Elli-Beth]

I know only what little he's mentioned in session and only because he thought it was a helpful part of our conversation. Most of it deals with the obvious, since his office is a home office, but I really don't want to know too much, because I just want to see him as T, not in another role.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I don't know very much and am very comfortable with it that way. Rarely he will make a comment about something in his life if it relates to what we're talking about. I second Elli-Beth's comment..I want to see him just as T.

[SpiritRunner]

I see my T as a real person, because she does self-disclose, she is transparent and honest, and I like that. But she is careful and appropriate.....what she discloses does have a relation to what we are talking about with me and my situation. She doesn't generally just share things out of the blue to simply be sharing them. But she does believe in therapists showing themselves to be real people with weaknesses, impairments, hurts, themselves.....so she has been honest about those with me, as they fit into the scheme of my therapy.

T shares bits of his life with me. He didn't early in therapy...I made it VERY clear that I needed him to be this guy who just sat in that office 24/7. I wasn't ready for him to be a "real" person, at all.

But over the years, things have changed. He tells me little stories from his life (mostly from his history) when they tie into what we're talking about and when he thinks they will help. I know little tidbits about what goes on with his daughter, who is the same age as my youngest son. We talk about spirituality a lot, so I know a lot about his spiritual beliefs/practices.

When I used to need to get grounded, I would ask T to "tell me a story". And he would. He never told me anything inappropriate or too personal, but he always, always told me a story, and it helped.

I had a minister when I was in high school who was supposed to counsel me and he used ME for counselling - I knew way, way, way too much inappropriate stuff about his life...and the boundaries were blurred and then they disappeared and the outcome was not good.

So. I love T, and I love knowing little things about him, and I've learned to trust over the years that he won't tell me "too much". He has good boundaries and I appreciate that. A lot.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T has shared only basic information about herself, and I'm fine with that. She is honest but doesn't inappropriately disclose things. Generally, anything she shares with me is relevant to things we are talking about, or is just a bit of small talk at the beginning or end of a session. By observation, I have learned quite a bit about her, but I do that with everyone I meet.

[nannypat]

My T also does therapy at his home office.It is nicely set off from his living area with shaded french doors. Office area has french doors also and bathroom off entry way.
He shares little things with me, mostly stories that relate to therapy or examples of something he has been through that has been similar ar made him feel in a similar way.General information about where he is going to for a conference or a vacation, a funny real life story, just enough to be real, not enough for me to have to worry about him or as is my downfall, need to protect and take care of him.
I did this with my last T whom I new sooo much about I didn't want to burden him with my stuff too. I am a caretaker by nature, to a fault. It is hard for me to let down my walls enough to let anyone take care of me.

[maggyjo]

Old T almost nothing about her personal life.

New T, I have only had 3 sessions and I already know quite a bit about her. Including her own mental health struggles.

Not really sure which style I like better.

Maggy Jo

[with or without you]

I don't know very much about her. I went through a rough "declaration of my attachment to T" period a few months ago and she did not answer any of the questions I wondered aloud to her.

[BethD1980]

me and my T talk about everything and anything, I know as much about her as she does about me. Some may not see that as a good thing, but I think it is, because it reminds me that T is just a person like me.
beth

My T is also a chatterbox so I know quite a bit about her. I love it because it keeps her real.

[cmac13]

Originally Posted by BethD1980

me and my T talk about everything and anything, I know as much about her as she does about me. Some may not see that as a good thing, but I think it is, because it reminds me that T is just a person like me.
beth

I have been with my therapist for almost 20 years so it is inevitable I know a lot about her just because of the length of time I have been working with her. I feel good to know her as a "real" person and not some "blank slate". It helps me trust her much more. I can ask her anything and discuss anything with her.

[ljp1979]

I have two T at the moment - one for IT and one I go to with my hubby for CT. My individual T is awesome, I really like him. Early one he told me he has been divorced twice and those learning experiences (not mistakes) help him with his clients. He uses a lot of examples of his personal life, sometimes I think they are rather too honest But at the same time it helps me to open up because I know he won't judge, he has been through a lot himself I know about his dogs, and landscape, and current girlfriend... He likes to talk

My other T does not talk. At all. There are two things I can tell you about her - she is a woman and she works as a therapist. That's all. I know nothing else about her.

[JustWannaDisappear]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

My t and I always have a certain amount of just friendly conversation. It just is a natural part of our relationship. I like that about him. It keeps him "human".

Mine too. One of our last sessions we pretty much just chatted because my anxiety has been so bad and she just wants me to learn to relax a little more. We have been starting our sessions with a good 10-15minute chat about whatever. She'll ask me if I've watch any new movies or read any good books or whatever. I'm so much more comfortable with her than any of T I've been with. She's so down to earth and relaxed and seems to get me.