[Overcastbutclearing]

Was just wondering if anyone else has a difficult time verbalizing their feelings while in a session with their therapist. And wondering what they do to express themselves?
I always have so much I want to say but I get into my session and then I just cannot get words out.
I do trust my T. But still, I feel so ashamed of my thoughts.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((sj)))))))))))))))))) of course! the words would literally stop somewhere in my throat. I can still do that but not as badly.

I look back and wonder what miracle or change came about and the only thing I can tell you is...I bit that fear bullet...hard.

I bit it and things came out. Did I feel like my heart was gonna explode? yep! Did I feel that all of the things that I worried about didn't come true (i.e. he would think badly of me, I would just die, etc)? yep! He still respect, listens to me and wants to help...maybe even more.

I literally had to force them past my throat.

Good luck, honey.

KD

[Estee1]

I know what you mean. When i go the the t I freeze up big time. I get really nervous and it's like my brain leaves the room or turns off. (Like 'Sorry, we're closed for today.') It's like someone has me by the throat and I feel like my brain is just spinning around like I'm in a big washing machine. When I try to explain things I just can't remember and I lose my train of thought. It's very frustrating. It's alot easier for me to talk when the t asks me questions. But if i'm left to explain on my own it's just a big jumbled up mess of words.

oh man does it ever happen to me. For the longest time my therapist got her information not from word of mouth but by reading my journal entries.

One time I recorded onto a tape recorder the things I wanted to tell my therapist then gave it to my therapist saying I don't always remember what I want to say so heres a tape of this week. Sometimes we listened during sessions with my therapist stopping the tape to talk about the things on there other times that therapist would go through it making notes and we would talk about what she found on the tape at the next appointment.

Now I always go into my appointments with my notebook with a list of things or other projects or workbooks that I am working on so that if we are at a point where we are just staring at each other I can reach into my back pack and say I brought something in.

now there is rarely a time when things don't get said unless I intentionally don't tell my therapist something.

[bipolar_bear]

Boy do I ever have a hard time expressing myself when I am in my therapists office. My mind goes blank and I forget everything I wanted to say. Then I get flustered and it just makes the situation worse. She now has me journaling during the week and we elaborate on some of the more important points. That has made our sessions much more productive and has eased some of the anxiety on my part. Slowly I am getting to the point where I can initiate a subject. Before I could only answer direct questions.

[jennie]

Yes, I do . . . every time, every session! But, now I have an added excuse why I don't talk . . . I'm hormonal (pregnant) . . . as if, my issues and memories that emerge are not relevant to discuss because I am emotional only because I'm pregnant.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Yeah I do too...sometimes I just act or come across as very together.

[Quay]

I always used to freeze up with T, and the longer I was silent, the more self conscious i would get. I would just sit there and scream at myself inside for being such a dope, and for not talking. Of course, the more I screamed and kicked myself, the less I could come up with anything else to say on the outside. I really hated it. I write pretty well, but talking has always been more difficult for me. Like you and others have said here, the words just drop out of view, my throat closes up, and my brain goes on standby. It's a wonderful feeling, like you'd like to sink down low enough to hide in your shoes, "just pretend I'm not here".
It has gotten better. I email my t each week with the topics I want to discuss (his idea). Then if I fall silent, he has an idea of what other topics I might be forgetting and can offer them to me. I also bring in a copy of the email, just in case it didn't go thru for some reason. He can still freeze me: a question that makes me uncomfortable, a look of that I interpret as boredom on his face, any body language ( a tapping toe) that suggests to me that I'm testing his patience, and I'll slide behind a huge defensive wall and hide.
Dealing with what's inside is really hard work. I worry about whether to bring up each new topic. Will this be the one that finally makes my T hate or dislike me? Will this be the one to which he finally says, "enough, you're sick, beyond help"? I think trust and revealing yourself to another person are very difficult. Judging by this thread, it's something that a lot of us have to deal with.
TC, Quay