[SoupDragon]

I am still trying to understand that whole therapeutic thing. My T has said to call in between sessions if I am feeling overwhelmed, but I have a real difficulty using the phone so have been unable to do this. I do e-mail from time to time and he always responds...eventually.

The last time I e-mailed between sessions, I told myself that I shouldn't and that I must learn to keep to the boundaries of the session. I sought of feel that I am being unfair on him and that he needs a life away from clients.

However reading the posts on here it seems not so unusual for people to have contact with their T between sessions.

So I guess my question is, is it OK to contact between sessions and is this something that you agree this with your T? Please don't say to discuss this with him, my sane brain tells me that I should, but the other part of me finds it so hard to talk in the sessions.

[Splintered]

It's definitely ok to contact t between sessions if he's said that you can. I think most t's know their limits and would only offer out of session contact if they felt they could handle it. I know some t's say no contact between sessions which to me seems a little harsh but if it would be too much for them to have that extra contact I suppose it's better that they state this upfront. My t has said I can call and e-mail between sessions but she didn't give me any rules about this so I've made up my own - can call between 9-5 monday to friday (though I've never called apart from cancelling sessions), e-mails anytime monday to friday but not from 6pm friday to midnight sunday. And only one call or e-mail a week. My t doesn't know about these 'rules' though. I think I like having my own rules rather than her imposing them on me. Then I'm not worried about getting in trouble if I break the rules seeing as they're my rules anyway. I think if you called or e-mailed a lot it might be a problem but I don't think once or maybe twice a week is too much especially when you're dealing with difficult stuff.

[ECHOES]

Contact between sessions is something individual with each T and possibly each client of the T. He's offered it to you because he means it. Is it clarification or reassurance that you need, do you think?

I tried several times to clarify what I could call my therapist about, and she never wanted to define that so she just said "....whatever comes to mind - anything". My guess is she doesn't want my grocery list so I have called in distress sometimes and it gave me the opportunity and experience of reaching out, asking for her to call back, and her being there consistently; it was important in building trust in the relationship.

But yeah (sorry!) talk more to your T about this.

[SoupDragon]

Thank-you for your responses - yes I suppose he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it - hadn't thought of it like that. I just get so anxious at the mere thought of contacting him to the extent that I freeze. Maybe one day I can be brave and talk to him about it. The therapy stuff is so hard sometimes...

[Splintered]

It is really hard. I'm sure one day you will be brave enough to talk about this, and other stuff as well. I completely understand the freeze thing. I should probably have called my t today (I should probably be calling her now!) but the thought makes me so anxious I almost think it's better to struggle by myself than take the risk. E-mail is much easier for me - although it takes me forever to write my t an e-mail. If all else fails at least you can post here as much as you like at any time of the day and night

Its certainly okay to contact between sessions if your T says its all right. I think especially with the email thing-- I mean, they have a choice of when, where, and how many times they check it. They can do that in the middle of the night or whenever they have time, 5 times a day or 1 time a week, or whatever inbetween. Its all up to them on their own timetable. So if they say its okay, its okay. Trust your T (do you?) to let you know if it is not all right to anymore.

(p.s. I know its hard! )

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

So I guess my question is, is it OK to contact between sessions and is this something that you agree this with your T?

If your T says it's okay to contact and has given you the means to do so (phone #/email address) then it's OK to contact them. They wouldn't have offered if it wasn't okay.

However, I KNOW how hard it is to actually make contact. I've been seeing my T for almost 2 years, and I've called her less than 10 times, and email no more than once a week, if at all. As I said in my thread earlier today...I struggle with actually sending emails - I can type them no problem, it's hitting send where I get stuck. Calling is nearly impossible for me and something that I consider an emergency only type of thing.

My T has never given me boundaries on contact, and in fact, her office voicemail gives her cell phone number to call. I would assume, therefore, that she's okay with calls after hours. I will often send her an email on the weekend, but I know that she doesn't check emails from Friday thru Sunday and I won't get a reply until Monday morning. I also know that she typically only checks emails once a day, in the morning.

I have put my own boundaries on contacting my T, but it's not something I've ever discussed with her. I will not call her outside of her normal office hours. If I leave a message for her during office hours, and she returns the call after hours, I figure that's her decision. The only reason I'd call her outside of regular office hours is if I were in major crisis (of course, last time I was in major crisis, I couldn't call her). I try to limit emails to no more than one per week, and I try to keep them brief. Sometimes we've had a bit of an email exchange, maybe a couple mails back and forth, but if I feel it's getting excessive, I'll tell her "thanks...I'd like to continue talking about this in session." and I stop emailing. My T has never indicated to me that I contact her too often...she's actually encouraged me to contact her more...but it's a challenge for me.

[Elli-Beth]

My T says I chose rather well how often to call him in between. I wait to call when it's important only but I don't wait so long I'm about ready to be hospitalized. Once was when I panicked about my abuser contacting me and once was when my mutism didn't fade after the usual time it takes for that to happen.

[SpiritRunner]

If a T says to call, they do mean it, it is something that you CAN do! ANd if you need to, if you feel the need to, then by all means do call.
My T has said to call, if I need to. At first, I rarely did, because I did not want to be bothersome. But I have learned it is better to call if I need to than to not call! So I call more often now when things feel too hard, but I still try not to call every week!
My T actually thinks it's progress that I am more willing to call when I need to!

when i first started therapy with this t, and things would happen, issues would come up and he would say to me "why don't you just call me" and i would tell him, "i can't" and he would say "can't what" i seriously thought he was kind of stupid in the beginning... seriously.... wondered what i had gotten myself into..

later, i learned that they are trying to build trust and connection and that if you call and they respond positively, you have just gained some more trust in them and the relationship...

took me months, (i think) but eventually i called for every little thing, then got out of that phase

now i only call when necessary, i know that he will be there.... to make appts, or once in awhile because i am in crisis....

just another perspective and how it worked with me...

sending safe hugs

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I am still trying to understand that whole therapeutic thing. My T has said to call in between sessions if I am feeling overwhelmed, but I have a real difficulty using the phone so have been unable to do this. I do e-mail from time to time and he always responds...eventually.

The last time I e-mailed between sessions, I told myself that I shouldn't and that I must learn to keep to the boundaries of the session. I sought of feel that I am being unfair on him and that he needs a life away from clients.

However reading the posts on here it seems not so unusual for people to have contact with their T between sessions.

So I guess my question is, is it OK to contact between sessions and is this something that you agree this with your T? Please don't say to discuss this with him, my sane brain tells me that I should, but the other part of me finds it so hard to talk in the sessions.

Hey,

As everyone else has said, if your therapist has said to call when you need to then it's fine to do so and if he has responded to your emails when you do email then he must be fine with that contact too.

As someone else said, different therapists can have their own view on boundaries and stuff. Very few Therapists would prohibut a client calling when they need to, i don't know of any.

You your worried about contacting him as it seems unfair on him as he needs time away from clients but actually its his discisson to be avilable for calls or emails, he can decide wether to answer calls or check emails so your not forcing anything on him.

The only time contact out of sessions sometimes becomes an issue is if maybe the client is phoningc constantly all the time, like every day or every week or something and the therapist feels its unhealthy but that does not sound like whats going on for you so really there is no problem

Contact your T if you need to hun, im sure he wont mind at all

[cmac13]

My therapist has always allowed phone calls between sessions. I have difficulty making telephone calls to her because I don't want to bother her. She works part time now and i feel guilty when I call her and leave a message on her days off. She told me that she chooses to listen to voice messages on her days off and she chooses to call clients (me) back on her days off. She has assured me countless times that it is OK to contact her. I have her office number, cell number and home number. I know she woud not give out all of those numbers if she did not want me to call her should the need arise. But it is still hard to make the calls to her. I told her our session this past Saturday that I wanted to call her because something great happened with my son but I knew that was not an emergency. She smiled and said I could have called her evenjust to leave a essage it would have been fine. Also she lets me write and send letters between sessions to get some of the feelings out so we can discuss them in the next session.

[PTSDlovemycats]

My T and I text each other quite reularly outside of our sessions.

[whenwillitend]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

I am still trying to understand that whole therapeutic thing. My T has said to call in between sessions if I am feeling overwhelmed, but I have a real difficulty using the phone so have been unable to do this. I do e-mail from time to time and he always responds...eventually.

The last time I e-mailed between sessions, I told myself that I shouldn't and that I must learn to keep to the boundaries of the session. I sought of feel that I am being unfair on him and that he needs a life away from clients.

However reading the posts on here it seems not so unusual for people to have contact with their T between sessions.

So I guess my question is, is it OK to contact between sessions and is this something that you agree this with your T? Please don't say to discuss this with him, my sane brain tells me that I should, but the other part of me finds it so hard to talk in the sessions.

I have the exact same problem. my t always tells me to call her if i need to, but she also knows that i have a huge problem with telephones and making phonecalls. my t doesn't do email, so i do not have any contact with her in between sessions. i envy those who can email their t's. iw ould love that.

[wheeler]

I have a hard time maintening the connection between sessions so she says I can call as much as I like, and I think she really means it. However calling, even talking for me is very difficult so she also allows me to text as much as I want/need. We have hit a couple of bumps-in-the-road with texting, but overall it's been positive and very helpful.

[SoupDragon]

Thank-you all so much for your encouragment and also sharing your own experiences and difficulties - this is a wobbly path we walk at times isn' it?

Although I can't see a way to make telephone contact with my T, that's one less thing I can criticise myself for now as I know I am not on my own with that problem

I can also almost get my head round the fact that making contact may not be a failing, but instead progress in being able to identify my needs and seek help - wow that would be a big step forward for me.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

So I guess my question is, is it OK to contact between sessions and is this something that you agree this with your T? Please don't say to discuss this with him, my sane brain tells me that I should, but the other part of me finds it so hard to talk in the sessions.

But how will you find out the answer if you don't discuss it with him? We can't give you the answer because we don't know your T. Every T has different boundaries about contact between sessions. For example, I email my T sometimes to change an appointment time or cancel, and he is OK with this. We don't do therapy by email or phone, though. But he's never spelled out what topics were OK to contact him about and which weren't. I just took my cues from his responses. So if you can't discuss this with your T, I guess you could just shoot off an email or phone call to him and see what sort of response you get.