[DarkAsNight]

My therapist dumped me after a year + and I'm so angry, how can my T do this? After revealing intimate things and talking about experiencing rejection and low self-esteem due to that, the one person who knows me to the core, got rid of me, validating my greatest fear of rejection if people really knew me, how can I ever open up to anyone again in a real relationship? I don't think I"ll ever get over this...and now stuck, too depressed to start over with another T, took 6 months just to feel somewhat comfortable with this one, have to start again? I keep thinking I want to die lately, constantly, can't stop thinking about all this but since no one knows about my T and my life at the core, I can't ask anyone directly what to do to get past this...please help if you can

[WePow]

I am so sorry you have so much pain right now.
Did your x-T give you any referals?
Was there any T logic behind this - such as not enough skill and they needed you to see someone who was a better T at those issues?

BIG SAFE HUGS!

[lastyearisblank]

Wow I'm sure it's better in the long run but... there's really no explanation good enough for dumping a patient. I hope you do know that deep down and in fact there are APA guidelines that specifically say therapists can't just dump a patient unless they are stable or referred to the care of a different T, true story... If that validates things at all.

For how to get past it... pretty much how you would get past any disappointment, time and new things (in the vein of support/growing). Actually focusing on being WELL is so important, please don't lose sight of THAT end goal

[WikidPissah]

I am so sorry, that really, really sux. You can call the APA like lyib said, it might give you some validation.

Sometimes you trust a second T quicker than the first, because you are used to therapy and how it goes. I think you should definitely look for a new one. Make a list of what you need in a T first, really think about it and spend time on it.

[mixedup_emotions]

Oh no!! That's awful! And so painful....((( HUGS )))

It's important that you allow yourself time to grieve...and to get support of those around you. You've come to a great place for support and experience. Share as many feelings as you can, feel them, express them....

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Eventually, this can be seen as a learning experience, but for now - it's just pain. And that just sux....

[SpiritRunner]

I am so sorry this happened too, I hope you have someone else you can start going to, too. Big hugs to you!!

I am so sorry this happened. Did you're T say why? Give you any reasoning at all behind it? T's normally just can't dump patients like that. And it is always suppose to be up to the client when termination happens. Unless T has very personal stuff going on that is making them unable to act in the best interest of their patients.

I am sending safe warm hugs. I know its hard, but you will get past this in time. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you will and you can move on....

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by DarkAsNight

My therapist dumped me after a year + and I'm so angry, how can my T do this? After revealing intimate things and talking about experiencing rejection and low self-esteem due to that, the one person who knows me to the core, got rid of me, validating my greatest fear of rejection if people really knew me, how can I ever open up to anyone again in a real relationship? I don't think I"ll ever get over this...and now stuck, too depressed to start over with another T, took 6 months just to feel somewhat comfortable with this one, have to start again? I keep thinking I want to die lately, constantly, can't stop thinking about all this but since no one knows about my T and my life at the core, I can't ask anyone directly what to do to get past this...please help if you can

(((DarkAsNight)))

What a difficult thing... I know how it feels. My T told me she was retiring after a year and a half. First I went numb. Then I was so hurt, angry, sad, I felt like my heart was melting. I spent three days afterwards hardly fighting back the tears. I'd be in the grocery store and just couldn't hold them back. It is so hard to trust someone so deeply and then have them say they are leaving. What I can say to you is hang in there. The pain will begin to subside after a time. For me it was about two weeks. Tell your T just how you are feeling; if you are majorly p***ed off, or deeply hurt etc. tell them. But also ask for some names. Your T should provide you with some names of people that would fit with you. I didn't want to start up with anyone new at all either. The first two Ts felt off. But the third T I met with seemed OK (I wasn't thrilled of course but I thought, "she'll do"). But now, a year later I can see the ways that this new T has been especially helpful for my situation. I have even learned things from her I probably could not get from my last T. Each T will offer something different. Hang in there. Sending many, many supportive thoughts your way.

E.

[swimmergirl]

(((((((((((DarkAs Night))))))))

Did she give you a reason? Did she refer you to someone else? I am so so sorry.........that is absolutely horrible. Take it one day at a time. Please please when you feel ready ask your old T for a referral and see someone else. You are worth it. Please stay safe.

[karebear1]

I'm so sorry this happened darkasnight. Don't really have any words of wisdom fr you, just lots of safe hugs. (((DarkAsNight)))

[DarkAsNight]

Thank you all for responding. I appreciate the support and advice. My T said in an email she would give me referrals but I'm too angry at her and depressed in general to accept. I don't trust her anymore either for anything and part of the problem was the imbalanced power dynamic that I felt, so I feel like she continues to wield this even from the grave, so to speak, by telling me where/who I should go to even now. I can't take it. I can't tell her how I feel either becuase she obviously hates me if she dumped me. I think the power struggle started after I opened up. I couldn't even look at her after as I felt so low. I also hated the imbalance of being charged for a missed session but not vice versa. When she came late a few weeks back, I told her she should credit me but she refused, as if her time is more valauble than mine. As far as why she did it, well if you knew what she learned about me, my intrusive thoughts, my compulsions, my screwed up soul, I had a feeling it would come to this. This is why I'm always closed. Ultimately, I am the failure here. My T has her life intact and I'm still screwed up and abandoned. She said she no longer felt she could help me anymore.

[Oceanwave]

Did you like this therapist darkasnight? Would you continue with her if you could? Perhaps you were not a good fit and it's time for you to find someone else. However, it's worth bearing in mind that most will charge for missed sessions, and if you have issues with authority you will probably have those with the next therapist too. But finding someone who is not regularly late for session and who doesn't "dump" you sounds like a good way forward. If she gave you referrals they are worth considering -- maybe she is not experienced working with the condition you have but knows someone who is.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by DarkAsNight

As far as why she did it, well if you knew what she learned about me, my intrusive thoughts, my compulsions, my screwed up soul, I had a feeling it would come to this. She said she no longer felt she could help me anymore.

It sounds like you may have done some major boundary crossing with your actions? I would find a new T and start there, see if you can work on not acting on your thoughts and compulsions, find where they are coming from if possible or see if a pdoc will work on your for meds, etc. first. You may not be ready for therapy yet if you resent other people's boundaries and rules.

I think your T literally was not "good enough" to be able to help you, rather than not wanting to/abandoning you. It is extremely hard to start over but I hope you are able to come up with a plan to help yourself, figure out what you want to accomplish with therapy and work the plan.

[ladyjrnlist]

Obviously not getting many details here and that's fine. I would say that you shouldn't give up on therapy. I agree with Perna's post as well. There are a lot of T's out there who are not well-equipped to deal with mental illnesses, quite frankly. I've had a few.

[swimmergirl]

((((((((Dark)))))))))

You are not beyond help unless you are not willing to do the work..........which I know you are willing because you tried with your current T. I completely understand the frustration with the double standard of T's, doctors, dentists, etc. with cancelled/missed/late appointments. If it is the client, we have to pay. If it is them, oh well, ho hum, so sorry, here have a sucker. I also understand not wanting to go to someone your T recommends. You feel to some degree she still is making choices for you. Do you remember how you were referred to your current T? Maybe go back that route to find a new one? You ARE worth it. Take some time to heal, please please be safe. Yell, scream, shout, whatever, but be safe. You will probably need to heal with the help of another T when you are ready. Until then, we are all here for you. I am so so sorry for your pain. ((((((((Hugs Dark)))))))

[mgran]

Is it possible that she has something going on in her own life? Sometimes T's have to reduce their case load or stop work for any number of reasons... health, childbirth, marriage, divorce, death in the family... perhaps it wasn't anything personal.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,

I am really sorry this happened to you, I fear this is going to happen to me soon enough also.

I'm sure what you revealed didn't cause your Therapist to end your counselling. You said that when you revealed what you needed to that you couldn't look at your therapist anymore? Do you think perhaps you shut down a bit and therapy wasnt helping?
Did your therapist give you much warning before ending? If I was you I would want to know exactly why my T was ending with me.

I know your going through so much pain...im sorry

[mgran]

I've really decided not to go into therapy... it looks like such a minefield. Hope you're feeling at least a little bit better. (((hug)))

[zooropa]

oh, ugh. I'm so sorry. Regardless of who did what and why, this is still obviously incredibly painful. I hope that you can hold onto some hope that it won't always feel this way, and that it's ok to feel sad and angry and everything else when you're going through something like this.