About to Start Therapy, some ???

Hello Everyone

I am so glad I found this board! I am about to start therapy next week with a therapist. I have some questions which I have not been able to find answers to.

I am wondering if people get started in therapy, bond with the therapist, confide all their innermost thoughts, and then the therapist decides to dump them for not making progress? I fear that its going to take me awhile to trust the therapist, so I don't want to have confided all my thoughts and feelings and then for him to drop me! Does this ever happen? Do therapists ever terminate therapy if the client doesn't seem to be progressing? Has it happened to any of you?

Thanks for all your comments,
Kathy

Welcome, ColoradoK. It's good to have you here. I wish you much luck.

My therapist and I have been together for quite some time. I've not been fired. The reason that I've seen him for so long were trust issues and not being able to open up. It takes quite some time and good therapists know this. I would make your question the very first one you ask this new therapist when you meet! I think that's a great question to ask...regarding expections on progress! I hope that you'll get an answer that will help your comfort level!

Please let us know how it goes! I hope to read more from you soon.

Agian, welcome!

KD

A person enters therapy with a problem and goals surrounding those problems. The therapist listens, makes suggestions and asks questions so that the client looks at their problem from all angles which leads to the client coming up with the solution to their problems. The client does the work - talking, journalling, drawing, workbooks (whatever works to accomplish the goals. set during the first couple sessions) once those goals are met the person doesn't need therapy anymore for that problem.

Most therapist now only see their clients for a set amount of sessions. this is because most people pay by insurance methods and that insurance company sets down a certain amount of funds for mental health care per client. When the insurance company sends a notice to the therapy agency that the client is nearing the end of their alloted funds the therapist has a decision to make. If the client is not talking, shooting down all suggestions, refusing to answer questions, refusing to work on journaling,and whatever other activities the therapist suggests then the therapist can't give the insurance any reason why they must keep seeing the client. So then the therapist must tell the client you can either pay me from your pocket for my time which is about $80-$100.00 bucks an hour and still sit there and not try to help yourself or you can go see someone else. If the client is trying and actively working the suggestions and activities then the therapist can tell the insurance we are making headway but I need more time and these are the goals for the next 6 months, with that kind of information the insurance company sees their money isn't being waisted and issues more funds. Now I have never heard of a client who was paying $80.00-$100.00 bucks an hour out of their own pockets not progressing and being dumped for not progressing. With that amount of money on the line either they do the work needed and get better or they don't bother with shelling out the money to just sit there.

Now a person who is already looking into reasons why therapy as a whole would end before they start raises serious questions of if the client is going for the right reasons or if the client already has plans to not cooperate with the process. Therapy is only as good as the information brought into the sessions. Thinking about how its going to end before even beginning is like the saying you look hard enough and you will find problems with any situation. Well that kind of sinks the who project into a hole right from the beginning. Right now before you enter therapy is the time to decide why you are entering therapy, wht your problem is, what you hope to accomplish during therapy and how you plan on accomplishing those goals, and how much you are willing to put in to accomplishing those goals. The way I see it now is not the time to worry about endings. And yes a therapist will drop you if you refuse to try and help yourself. Most agencys have a 2-3 year waiting list of people who really need their help and are willing to do what it takes to make their lives better. Having someone who won't talk, answer questions, do activities and so on is a waist of their time, your money, the insurance money and is holding those that could be in serious danger on waiting lists with no one to help them.

A therapist cant fix you or do the work for you only you can decide to do that.

Now there are times when I haven't shared everything with my therapist. a person doesn't have to share EVERYTHING in order to progress.

Hello

Thank you both for your replies. You both have been extremely helpful.

I am looking forward to therapy and working out some problems I have, please don't get me wrong on that. I do have some problems trusting people and since this will be my first time going to a therapist, I am just anxious at the thought of being "dropped". I went to another professional a few years back, (not a mental health pro) and they lost interest when on the outset, it didn't seem like I was making much progress, even though I just felt things were moving slowly, but in the right direction. Their lack of interest made it hard for me to stay motivated about our work, so it ended. I still have regrets about it. That wasn't anything as intimate as sharing my most inner thoughts and feelings, so I am just worried that if a therapist were to 'drop' me or lose interest, it would really crush me. I am truly motivated to do well in therapy and of course hope it would never come to that, I just wanted to see if that ever happens.

Again, I am thankful for your responses!
Happy Thanksgiving,
Kathy

one way I keep thing going on the therapy end when I need to take my time is on my own doing journalling and workbooks. that way even if my sessions are going slow and at my pace the therapist sees from my sharing the workbooks that I am working on things, just not always in sessions.

Thanks, that is a great help. I would have never thought of that. Shows that you are working on it.
Thanks for your help!
K

you're welcome and Happy Thankgiving to you too. and welcome to psych central.

Kathy, all I can tell you is I had a very hard time talking to my therapist when i first started therapy. I don't think it was a waste of time because as time passed I came to trust her. Obviously trust has been a major issue in my life. The only reason I tell you this is because at no time did my therapist contemplate dumping me. I know because I finally asked her as I had the same fears you speak of.

Everyone progresses at their own rate and a good therapist helps develop the realtionship to offer the best service they can. It is hard work and to recieve the full benefits you need to put your utmost to the tasks at hand.

Since this seems to be a major question in your mind I suggest that you bring it up when you meet him. Being honest is an important part of the client/therapist relationship. I think it is a fair question and one you deserve an answer to. Please relieve your fears upfront so you can concentrate on your healing process.

From someone who has struggled with communicating in therapy please be assured that I am still progressing at my rate. My only experience is in private practice and I can not speak for the other options available. Good luck and keep us posted how it goes.

As bipolar bear said, bring it up with your therapist. That's one of the nice things about therapy...you can talk openly about this stuff. He should probably give you some idea about what he expects as far as progress and if/when he ever drops clients.

Making sure your own therapist is good for the "long haul" is part and parcel of the therapy relationship. Take your time if you can... not everyone finds the perfect T the first try out... trust is the main issue with therapy, once you have that pretty much comfortable, you can build on it with answers to all those questions! TC

Welcome!
It can be very nerve racking right before your first meeting with a new therapist. And, if never in therapy before extremely nerve racking.
You have to trust that your T has his/her best intentions for you.
I fear abandonment all the time with my T who has never proven I cannot trust her. It is my own issue.
I told her the other day I was afraid one day she was going to tell me I don't need therapy anymore and she said she would never do that. So...the key there is to have open communication with your T and have the T know your fears and talk it out.
I wish you the very best as you start your journey to heal!

Colorado,

While I don't think anyone can guarantee that a therapist won't drop you, good therapists understand that therapy requires trust and will help you to make it a trusting and comfortable relationship. Like all doctors, there are good ones and bad ones but in my experience all of the T's I've had have been very good at allowing me the time to trust them and to begin to talk openly. Like KD said this may be a very good question to ask him, to let him know your fears and present an opportunity to begin the trust relationship.

I've been dropped from therapy twice. One was because the therapist thought I'd be better off with someone else because he didn't know much about my disorder (borderline personality disorder) and couldn't help me. The other reason was I wasn't able to pay and owed a bunch of money so the owner of the counseling place dropped me. I think that a good therapist would understand that everyone progresses at a different rate and that you might take a bit longer. I do agree with dexter and kd that you should bring this up with your therapist.

Jbug

Thanks everyone for your comments, they have helped so much. I start on Wednesday, so will let you all know how it goes!

Sincerely
Kathy

Hi Kathy,

Couldn't resist the opportunity to share. I agree with everyone here; it's a very important question. How can you bare your soul, or talk about really difficult issues if you don't think the person listening has any commitment to you or your therapy? Can't. Won't happen. You have to know it's a safe place, that they are interested and listening, and they'll keep in mind what's best for you, before you can start to trust them with anything more than the superficial stuff.

It happens to be one of my issues also, like bipolar bear and susan jane mentioned. I've been afraid from day 1 that I wouldn't move fast enough or I'd say something to supremely tick him off, and I'd be out on my nose. We address it all the time.
My T understands that it's a fear of mine. He's spent a lot of time reassuring me that good t doesn't work that way. We've also talked about how termination of therapy would work, and he's reassured me you still don't get dumped. He says even then it's a process, and there's always an open door policy, meaning if a client felt he or she wanted to return for some reason, he would see them again.

There is a chance that this person won't feel they are the best therapist for you, or vice versa. That can usually be addressed in the first meeting. If they feel they don't have the expertise to help you with your issues, they should tell you that up front and direct you to someone who can help you. If you feel for some reason that this just is not a person you are ever going to feel comfortable opening up to, whether it's their personality or personal habits or what ever, that's okay too, and you have the right to say, "great interview, but I think I'm going to see someone else."

If you are someone who has difficulty talking, bring a list of the questions that concern you. I did. It helped me remember them, and we went down them individually. I liked that he was willing to do that. If you look around, possibly on this site even, I know there are suggestions about good questions to ask at the beginning, such as how to they deal with contact between sessions, their rules about cancellations, their values and orientation to therapy. For instance, if you are an atheist, you might not want a christian counselor, or if they like psychoanalysis and expect to be seeing you for the next 10 yrs, but you are looking for brief therapy.

Good luck, I hope it turns out that this will be exactly the person you're looking for.
Quay