Do you fear getting better? Does that mean therapy is over?

I would LOVE to feel better enough that I dont need therapy anymore. I think that is a while off however. But I love to go in and tell my therapist about good things that are happening, T loves to hear things like that, and T and I do fun things too besides just serious therapy talk. T and I have talked about things like this, and she isn't going to suddenly just disappear someday just because I am all better. We will still talk. It will just be about different things.

What I am learning is that just because I have a good week, does not mean that I have worked through all of my issues. It does not mean that I have completed my course in therapy. I am learning that therapy is something that has ups and downs.

Good sessions and not so good sessions. I have to be okay with the bad sessions and not want to give up on myself. I have to be okay with the good sessions and not jump to the conclusion that I am through.

I have to accept that therapy is a process. I have to look at my goals and see just where I am in the process. I can't stay in the gutter, nor can I stay on the mountain top. I think the good sessions come to give us a break. A much needed break!

I know that just beyond that good session, is another valley that I will have to go through. I must be able to look up at the mountain, and not look at where I am and allow myself to get stuck. I get stuck a lot of times.

Having good sessions gives me hope that there is an end in sight. It may take me a lot longer than I anticipated, but that's okay. I have to tell myself that it is okay. That is hard for a person who wants things fixed now!

I imagine seeing a therapist for the rest of my life. Not because I will have seemingly insurmountable problems to overcome but simply to have someone to talk to about day to day life stuff that can be problematic. And to have someone to remind me how to process emotional stuff, etc. I hope that one day I will feel the need to visit my T only monthly - just to touch base.

the title of this thread continues to rattle around in my mind.
Not that it means therapy is over; coud it be fear of "getting better" in some one area because it would mean that now (good news) it doesn't hurt nearly as much as before, but also that now (bad news) it's time to pick up the next piece of the puzzle, and that hurts a lot?

That is a good thing to ponder. Getting better means that some part of you is healing. It is taking it one piece/hurt/issue at a time. When one piece is healed (worked though) we have to fill that piece with another (healthy) one, and then move on to the next piece that needs to be healed (Ouch!) A puzzle has to have all of its pieces in order to make a whole.

Is this hard to follow? In therapy, we normally go in thinking we have a few issues to work on. Once we get into the heart of therapy, we realize that there are many issues screaming to be heard. Many pieces/parts that are damaged and need to be repaired.

I am not sure if I made one bit of sense in this, but it made sense to me and got me thinking about 'getting better' in a different way. Thanks, SAWE, for sharing your point of view on this.

you really get it!! thanks!

Getting better is a trick? I mean, if you get better, maybe you will let your guard down and then you will get smacked in the puss by another deceiver?

Well, pachy's back seriously - welcome back!

I wonder, why do you say deceiver? The one thing that most gives me trust in my T is that she is very authentic; if I ask I will get a straight answer (not necessarily an answer I like); I feel that she is honest and not a deceiver.

In between my bouts of hysterical laughter (session yesterday), I asked my therapist if she thought I was almost through with therapy. She looked at me and said, "Now that is funny!" Then we both broke out laughing.

I still asked her again, "I have come a very long way since I started. What more do you want me to do?" She had a look of not being sure if I was being sarcastic or serious. Her reply was, "You have not been able to address X,Y, and Z. These are things that affect you whether you see it or not. You are in denial that you need to face them. You can end therapy today, but I am not going to be the one to discharge you. I do not feel that you are ready."

I just looked at her and thought about it. Then I said, "If you are talking about me forgiving myself, accepting myself, and being true and authentic to myself, I will be here forever!" Then I burst out laughing again.

She said, "Why do you find that funny? You are once again denying yourself the help you need. You are still struggling with accepting that you deserve to be in therapy and you are worthy of help. You don't like receiving help. You are a rescuer and a caretaker. This is just your nature. You don't know how to be on the other end of that. I am here to guide you and help. If your life was working for you, you would never have come to see me. I have to be honest with you. You are not ready to leave."

I guess my session of hysterical laughter did not get me a ticket out. I did wonder if she was thinking since I appeared to be so happy, she may think that Squiggle was good to go now. NOT!

I never know how I will act in a session. Next week I may be sobbing in the corner, pacing the floor, angry as heck, happy as a lark, etc....I don't plan my emotions. They just happen!

Well, I was away -- did get in a few posts from my other location!

I was thinking of a parent deceiver mostly, though I had a T deceiver too...

My somatic T told me yesterday that it was obvious that my laughter was my mask to avoid paying attention to my feelings. That was such a revelation to me.

squig L BLEAH... I hate it when I laugh something off, and T gets reeeeeeeallllly serious like that.... Been there.

question for you, though....... yr T said this >> "You are a rescuer and a caretaker. This is just your nature."
Is it her idea that she can (or even should) help you change your nature? surprising.

No, I don't think she wants to change my nature. She actually thinks that speaks highly of the kind of person I am. She just wants me to give to myself, what I give to others. She wants me to allow others to give to me, what I give to others.

She tells me that I cannot always be the strong one. There are times when Squiggle needs to be taken care of, but I won't let anyone help me.

A therapy room for our therapy room! I totally get that. Though it's just a recent thing, I've been attending Al-Anon meetings after therapy...I need a little pick me up from positive people.

I can honestly say that I am getting better and I am not afraid of that. I have made tremendous progress in this past year. HUGE progress! I talked with her in my last session about how she felt about my progress and did she think that I was almost finished with therapy.

She told me that I have come a long, long way. But, I am just now being able to look at my issues and accept that I need help to get through them. She said that for a long time I was so resistant that we struggled to get to the heart of the issue and FEEL my emotions about them.

She said that my wall is still up, but it is transparent now. I can see through it, where before it was solid as a brick wall and I could not see through it at all. No one else could see through it either.

She tells me that I am afraid to go through to the other side. I can see the other side of this transparent wall, but I am terrified to actually take the step to tear down the only protection that I feel I have left. I tell her that everyone needs to keep a barrier up, don't they?

Her typical answer, "We are not talking about everyone else, we are focusing on you."

She is right about that. I tend to keep comparing myself to what others do or don't do. Comparing myself to everyone else. Trying to make sure I measure up. She says that is hindering me and we need to stay focused on me.

As for when therapy is over? She wants me to stop thinking about that and live in the present. I guess she is right about that.

I liked your last post! I'm so glad you're making progress in therapy. I really like what your T says.

Whenever my T tells me something is progress I try to tell her it's not, or I make a face. I'm not sure if I don't think it's progress or if I just don't want to get better. She always asks if I think I'm afraid I won't be able to see her any more if I progress. I say "no" but maybe subconsciously I think I'll have to "give her up" if I make too much progress. I still love therapy too much to stop. I'm in the middle of important issues so I'm not ready, but at some point I will be and I can't imagine not seeing my T. It's only a little over a year and I average about 2 years with a T, though I think this one is a "keeper" so I have no intentions of ever seeing anyone else. She reassures me that I don't have to stop even if I make progress.

I often worry about the end of therapy because my T is the only one I can be truly honest with. With my family, if I don't put on the happy face, they think I am getting really bad and should go inpatient.
I do sometimes have good days in therapy, but generally have a hard time because of stuff that needs to be discussed.
Currently in my treatment plan, my T has me continuing therapy for at least 3 years.

ahhhhh, i used to hate it when t said that.... haven't heard it in a long time....

and i think i like your t. she knows you very well indeed!

I walked out of a session last week...and didn't cry a single drop. Yes, I did mark my calendar.