My first session: I survived!

Today I had that anxiously anticipated first session with my new T. I was so nervous, my stomach was doing flip flops the whole ride there! But in the end it ended up going pretty well--as in I approved of the woman. She was an older lady, but very understanding, caring, and sweet and I had the feeling she was the right one for me right now.

The feelings throughout the entire thing were unnerving and uncomfortable. My palms were sweating, and I was fidgeting; I was on the edge of the seat and couldn't stop shaking until halfway through the session which was an hour. I was almost crying at times. I guess it was because the things I were saying--the primary reason I came--was about the abuse that I had thought about so persistantly in my head but never said aloud. It was a very upsetting experience and by the end I felt drained and exhausted. It was so uncomfortable and I kept thinking "I've barely scratched the surface of the abuse and I'm already getting this way just talking about the OUTLINES of it--I can't do this yet, I should quit." But I had to keep my focus on the bigger picture I knew and that's what kept me going.

The entire session was focused on that primary thing--a VERY huge step I think. We didn't go deep into what happened but it still brought forth so many horrible emotions and took the whole hour. She told me what I was experiencing was PTSD which I had looong ago suspected but I'm glad I have the approval of a specialist so I don't have to worry about self diagnosing and if I am really just wrong.

She told me quite a few times that she thought I am very strong and mature for my age, 14 and she gave me an assignment. She kept assuring me that someday I will get over this, live normally, and think of this as a learning experience. I doubt that, but I'm going to try.

I just hate the sweaty, gross and uncomfortable feelings during it not to mention I had a headache after. But I take it this is a success?

Way to go!!!!

I'm glad that you had such a productive first session! I can soooo relate to the sweaty, gross, uncomfortable feelings....but YOU DID IT!!!

WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Siljie,

I am sorry it was so uncomfortable but I am very glad you feel good about it afterward! The first session is awkward (why would it NOT be?!) but feeling comfortable with the T and that they want to listen to you is sooo important.

P.S. I didn't have the best experience with my first T so I am trying a new one this week and I am really nervous about the first session also - and I am YEARS older than you .

Great Job and Big Hugs !

Awesome job!!

Blehh, I hate those feelings with a passion! But it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who gets them. Thank you for the enthusiasm!

Thank you! Good luck with your new T, I hope she's what you're looking for. I know how nerve racking it is, but try to keep calm! My voice was so horribly shakey.

Thank you!!

Thanks!

Definitely success!! Good for you!!

Thank you!!

Well, my second attempt at T went SOOOOOO much better!!! I was also very anxious and sweaty afterward Siljie. LOL I just like to think of it as "cleansing" sweat.

Glad to hear! Are you going to stick with him/her for the meanwhile? Aha, I just hope it won't be like that EVERY time we reach a touchy subject!

I think it will get better but it may take a while to get more comfortable with "spilling our guts" so to speak. LOL

Well that's at least a start. It will definitely take me a while to warm up to her too and learn to trust her more and get deeper into things. But it's a learning process I guess.