How can I ever trust a therapist enough to open up?

I'll just start by saying I have serious trust issues to begin with. Trusting someone, it seems to me, is just giving them the power to hurt you.

Anyway, I especially have problems with therapists in that regard, starting with my psychologist when I was 5, who ratted me out to my parents when I told him about how my dad treated me. Most recently, I had gotten miserable enough to try treatment again (bipolar, anxiety, PTSD mostly). The doctor turned out to be crazier than me, trying to make me his friend outside of therapy, calling me to babble about his problems for hours on end, then sending the police to my house in a mere two hours instead of trying to ring my phone more than once when I forgot about one appointment. I fired him, which prompted him to call the police again and lie his butt off, claiming I had threatened suicide so they'd drag me from my home and lock me up for the night.

Here's my question. I feel like this was the last straw in my ability to ever trust someone enough to actually talk about my inner life, and in particular trust anyone who might be described as a therapist. I know I'm in a bad place and not getting any better on my own, so I know I need help. But I also can't trust any potential therapist enough to give a remotely honest answer to "what brings you to therapy?" How am I supposed to find someone I can trust when I am necessarily giving them the power to hurt me like that on a whim?

I would suggest that the first answer to your question.........what brings you to therapy.........is that you have trust issues. That sounds like a reasonable answer without having to dive into all the other issues upfront. Also, you ask "how am I supposed to find someone I can trust when I am necessarily giving them the power to hurt me like that on a whim?" That is a good question. I am not minimizing your experiences, but try rewording that.
How am I supposed to find someone I can trust when I am necessarily giving them the power to HELP me?
Unfortunately, in order to get better or make progress you have to take a risk. There is no other way around it. Either that or stay where you are at. ((((((hugs)))))) Remember that although you have been burned before, you are worth the effort and until you open up and jump.........you will stay where you are at. However, it does take time. Take it little by little. Don't be too hard on yourself. And not all Ts are created equal. I hope this helps.

Hi there,

I am so sorry for the bad experiences you have had! I can understand why you find it hard to trust professionals. As a child I can imagine it felt hurtful to be told it was safe to talk to the psychologist and then find out he told your parents what you said? Unfortunately as a child, confidentiality doesn't apply in the same way as it does as an adult, so your parents are allowed to know what you talked about - although if the psychologost telling your parents about your father made your father hurt you in any way then he handled the situation wrongly.
The Therapist you seen sounded so unethical and really by his actions should be struck off the register. You have the right to report him and complain about how you were treated.

I have encountered many bad professionals in mental health and therapy over the years. Sadly there are bad ones out there, however please don't let these experiences stop you from reacting out for help. There are good, genuine, trustworthy therapists out there.
You don't need to open up to a therapist straight away. Infact you could choose a few therapists and go to the first session with each and explain how you feel about trust and what has happened in the past and tell them that you need to take things very slow in order to feel comfortable to talk about anything sensitive in detail and see what they say. You have a right to find a therapist who suits you.

When a T asks, "what brings you to therapy" you do not have to tell them the exact details if you don't feel able. You can explain what your past is and tell them you are there because you know you need support, thats all they need to know, you can talk about whatever you want until you feel comfortable to tackle harder issues, obviously when you feel the trust is there.

Please don't give up hun

(((nothingclever))) I can see based on your experiences how hard it must be to trust. You went to a T for help and ended up getting hurt by someone who shouldn't be a T with that kind of behavior (crossing boundries etc..). Fortunatly I would say there are many really good T's out there. I hope you find one that is a good fit for you. On the upside because of your experience your 'radar' should be tuned in to picking out these wacko types.

Wishing you the best. Trust is a slow process but it is rewarding when you do find the right T to open up to.

Wow, kinda overwhelmed by the response. Seriously, I haven't had this much helpful, positive feedback in a long time.

That... sounds like a good place to start. Not only would I be confronting it head on, I'd be making my T aware of it (which is probably good info to know how to proceed), and a lot of my other problems are fundamentally tied up with it. Definitely helpful. Thanks, swimmergirl!

Indeed. I wanted to avoid triggers in my OP, but I'll just say it now. I told the psych my dad beat me. He told my parents (I don't know which one), and my dad beat me as punishment. Problem solved as far as anyone who mattered was concerned, since I had no more complaints after that.

Yeah, funny thing about that. My state's medical board claims that to actually pursue a complaint against him, I need to release to them my medical and psychiatric records. They'd be confidential, of course... unless their investigators determine wrongdoing on his part and actually press for sanctions, at which point they become a matter of public court record. Not worth it, no thanks.

That sounds like it might be a good plan to test the waters. I guess I've been thinking of it too much as all-or-nothing, never really considered middle ground approaches like this. Thanks, dizgirl!

I suppose it should, at that. Way to find the positive in it, geez!

Thank you all. This is really helpful to stop brooding over it and start thinking more constructively.

I'd reciprocate the hugs, but I don't hug IRL and I'm not about to start on the internets. So I'll just thank you all again for the kindness.

Given your experiences, I think it will take some time to be able to get to the point of being able to trust, but that's ok! You can explain your previous situations and your T will understand, and hopefully help you work through those trust issues. I hope this T is WAY better than your previous ones, and you can finally get the help you deserve!!!
Just hang in there and take it slow!! It will happen in time!

I know the feeling. I started seeing a therapist just recently after seeing a psychiatrist in the same office for nearly two years. I had bad experiences with so called mental health people. I decided to take care of myself for 15 years before my depression got so bad I could no longer sleep. It took me 4 months to decide to make the appointment after researching the best psychiatrists in the area. Thank god she was nice. I had decided that all psychiatrists were mean and somewhat evil. But my doctor was so nice and she gave me choices and did not threaten doom if I did not take the meds. She gave me information and a choice. She did not bully me into seeing a therapist. I started to trust her after 2 years and when I ran into a really big problem, she helped me decide to talk to a therapist. This lady is also really nice, but I still do not trust her because she can make me hurt. i have only seen her4 times and this may work. So my point is, there is someone out there who can help you. They are not all mean and evil like you think. Try finding someone associated with a large group practice or large university. I drive 50 minutes and it is well worth the trip to get someone who can help. Good luck to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the kind words of support, doodle.

laceylu, I'm glad to hear you've found a good psychiatrist and your new T seems to be working out. It's encouraging to hear that even after a long string of bad experiences, it's still possible.