Therapist talks 90% of each appt.

I've been seeing my therapist, a psychologist, off and on for 9 years. He is a wonderful, caring person and is dependable and very knowledgable. I am the kind of person who needs to be questioned, have a back and forth with someone in order to 'draw me out ' of my shell and get to deeper feelings. My T, however well intentioned, talks about himself, his religious views, his world views, along with encouraging me. I feel like this method is not helping me at all, aside from having his general support. I have talked to him about it and nothing changed. I will definitely hide in my shyness and let other people do the talking, but that doesn't help me grow. If I bring up any type of idea or problem, he jumps in, overtalks me, and continues for 90 minutes. I am tired of listening to speeches, with no (what I consider) therapy. I once told him I wished I could 'get out' a bunch of feelings and experiences I had, and his response was "Write a book". I don't know what to make of all this, or if I am expecting too much. Any thoughts? Thanks. ---dreamwver

Hi dreamwver,

Part of me wants to ask whether you have ever thought of trying a different T? However as I know how hard it would be for me to stop sessions with my T and seek therapy elsewhere, I'm not sure how useful that question is for you?

However it does sound that you know what may be more helpful for you and seems you have expressed this to your T - the alternatives I can think of in order to change things are:

a) do nothing and hope things may change
b) bring it up with your T again, in order to try to bring about change
c) find another T

Oh and I don't think you are expecting too much - therapy is about you and not your T, you are entitled to have expectations, particularly when you are able to identify that certain things are likely to be of greater benefit to you.

When is your next session?

Sounds like he is the one who ought to "Write a book".

I hear you saying this isn't helpful. That makes sense to me - it doesn't sound helpful to you.
Perhaps this phase of your therapy is done and now it's time for another phase that includes a therapist who doesn't use your paid therapy session for his/her needs. You are ready for something else, something different and yay for knowing what you want!

I don't know his therapy orientation, but from my personal experience, I would recommend you look for a pyschodynamnic/psychoanalytic psychotherapist who will listen and give you all the room and time you need.

This guy has served his purpose and is no longer helpful, and it's wonderful and healthy to know what you want so you can take yourself in that direction.

Thank you Echoes and SoupDragon--it means a lot to hear your feedback and have your support. I'm supposed to see him this week or next--I think it will be next. I've been feeling like just taking an extended break. Thanks again guys!!

It sounds like you need to have the 90% and he needs to have only 10% !! He definitely is talking too much. Therapy is about YOUR issues and needs...not what the T needs to say.

Since this has been going on for so many years, you have talked to him about it and he didn't change by talking less, it seems like this is the way it is going to be forever with this therapist. Perhaps your relationship with him has outlived its usefulness? I left my first therapist because I had outgrown her and needed a T with different skills. Could it be the same for you?