[jazzy123456]

Remember my post about my T never responding to my email:?

Well, she responded but, to me, what she was saying was irrelevant according to what I needed. I was just like, okay, I'm reading this but, whats this have to do with my problem?

anywho, to put it in short, this is what I emailed:

Dear T,

I need to say this. I can't wait until next session to say this because crying embarrassed me. Just wanted to say that I hope you don't think me crying at the end of session is for attention or purposely done...

Jazzy.

And then I went on to say WHY I felt like crying and why it felt uncontrollable to me.

This was my T's Response:

"I'm so glad to hear more of your heart. Your expression/emotions are beautiful and precious, even when it doesn't feel controllable or comes when you might feel like it is inconvenient. When it comes, accept yourself (as I, also, accept you!) and affirm yourself that it's okay to be emotional when you need to be! I know you want to feel good and I believe that you will, many times, feel good. But if there are days and moments you don't, I really believe it's okay. As you keep walking, even as you feel the pain, you are growing.

Blessings on your week, and just let me know the next time you want to schedule to come in. ..."

..............................
Yes, the email was nice. Maybe it just wasn't what I was needing at the time.
I don't know.? Maybe because, her reaction to my tears didnt feel like she was thinking "oh, this is beautiful and precious."
MY T actually looked very very confused because I was crying when I paid and as I walked out the door. And I
know she was doing her job as a therapist in not letting my reactions effect her. Especially, cus I assume she had a client right
after me and she wasn't going to just connect to all my sadness when she didn't have time too and the session was over.
IDK, I'm sure she's being truthful with me, just her reaction didn't speak to me as oh, this is "beautiful and precious"
and how is someone breaking down out of nowhere beautiful? lol. confused a little...

Jazzy, I haven't been following the prior thread but I wanted to say that although this experience may have been confusing..the positive thing is that you felt safe enough with your T. to express emotions...

I have had uncontrollable crying between sessions while journaling and it can be very confusing and overwhelming.....wanted so bad to call my T. but thought he'd tell me to check into hospital or something...

hopefully this uncomfortable experience will bring you to a new level in your therapy...

[sunrise]

Jazzy, what would you have wanted your T to say in her email? You said that what she emailed was not what you needed. What did you need from her?

[dizgirl2011]

Hey Jazzy,

I have to ask the same as sunrise and ask what would you have wanted her to say in the email. It sounds like it wasnt the email that your feeling let down by but the initial reaction of your T? Perhaps you do not feel she was comforting enough at the time. Perhaps she was unsure of what was upsetting you but didnt want to push the subject or probe any further because the session was over and opening a "wound" at the end of a session can be very hard for a client to deal with.

When she said that it was beautiful and precious, I dont think she meant that the actual crying or watching someone upset is beautoful and precious but the fact that you allowed yourself to feel the emotion and trust her to see that was the beautiful and precious part.

I think her response was really nice via email at least.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I think that you got a great response to your email from your T. It could have been worse...

[jazzy123456]

Just want to clarify that I DONT think that this was not a good response... yes, in many ways this was a positive response. whether its good is not what I was questioning... the point is, it CONFUSED me, I guess your right...dizgirl2011...
what you said:

""It sounds like it wasnt the email that your feeling let down by but the initial reaction of your T? Perhaps you do not feel she was comforting enough at the time. Perhaps she was unsure of what was upsetting you but didnt want to push the subject or probe any further because the session was over and opening a "wound" at the end of a session can be very hard for a client to deal with. ""

so maybe what I need couldn't be fufilled by an email....maybe what I need is a better way to end my sessions... so I won't break down/fall apart again.

thanks for the thoughts...

[PTSDlovemycats]

Sounds like you are starting to figure some things out Jazzy.

[WePow]

Jazzy, I sense your T was trying to let you know that it is OK to have those hard emotional times. Perhaps others in your past told you to "suck it up" or punished you in some way for having your emotions?

The ability to cry is a healthy thing. It shows that healing can happen. I sense that is what your T was trying to reinforce for you.

You said ".maybe what I need is a better way to end my sessions... " I think this is something valid to bring up at the start of your next session. I agree that leaving a session with bits in the air can be very hard. But the T doesn't always know why a client leaves in tears. Therapy is tough work and it is probably one of the only professions where clients leave the office in tears when they may have walked in laughing. Ts have to let the client go and let them go process through the session. That is all a part of the healing journey. Just be honest about what you feel.

For me, I have stopped T at the end and said "I don't want to leave here with THAT being the last thing we talked about. Tell me something about you that you can share but something to make my session end on a good note." And he always does that for me if I ask :-)

[googley]

I have also asked my T to keep track of the time in session (I can't see any clocks from my seat in T) so that at the end we can have a couple minutes where we can discuss something lighter and I can compose myself before I have to leave. I have found this to be very helpful in usually keeping me from leaving in a total disarray.