[granite1]

i have T tomorrow and i have no idea how to even begin to tell her the horrific week i had.i know she wont be thare again next monday.so it will be another two weeks before i see her again after tomorrow.im so confused.i so want to tell her about the horrific week and at the same time i cant tand the idea of going through another week or two like this and her not being around terrifies me.i dont know if i can do it

[ECHOES]

((granite))) as my therapist tells me, begin where you are.

You're already jumping ahead to the week she will be away....just go tomorrow and be there and let that happen; grab hold of it while it's there and make the most use of it. Start anywhere. Maybe start by telling her that there is a lot you want to tell her, and that you're worried about having another horrific week while she's away, then just jump in anywhere and tell her about your week.

[granite1]

last week she was thinking about playing with clay.i liked that idea o before i started having such a crazy time i went out and got some clay .i was thinking maybe i will still bring that in and maybe playing with that will make it a bit easyer for me to be able to talk.maybe she would think it strange if i bring in clay

[PTSDlovemycats]

That sounds like a good idea Granite. I hope it goes well for you!

[Sannah]

Take the clay with you! And I agree with Echoes, focus on today (tomorrow really). Leave next week for next week. Today is enough to deal with without stacking the issues up by borrowing from the future.

[granite1]

(((PTSD ))))thanks sweety.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Yes! Definitely take the clay with you Granite!

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by granite1

last week she was thinking about playing with clay.i liked that idea o before i started having such a crazy time i went out and got some clay .i was thinking maybe i will still bring that in and maybe playing with that will make it a bit easyer for me to be able to talk.maybe she would think it strange if i bring in clay

I think that's a great idea, granite. I went into one of my sessions with colored pencils and coloring pages - it helped me not shut down for the whole session. Not strange - more like taking the initiative to do what you feel works for you.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by granite1

i have T tomorrow and i have no idea how to even begin to tell her the horrific week i had.i know she wont be thare again next monday.so it will be another two weeks before i see her again after tomorrow.im so confused.i so want to tell her about the horrific week and at the same time i cant tand the idea of going through another week or two like this and her not being around terrifies me.i dont know if i can do it

Sorry it's been such a terrible week ((((((((granite)))))))))). I hope tomorrow gets to be your turn to be taken care of.

Is she on vacation or something or is it possible to just make another appt?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Take the clay with you! And I agree with Echoes, focus on today (tomorrow really). Leave next week for next week. Today is enough to deal with without stacking the issues up by borrowing from the future.

sannah i will try realy hard.so just walk in with the clay and ask if i can work with the clay????what i really want to do is go in her office sit on the floor and just cry...i know that wont help and would never happen

[granite1]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Sorry it's been such a terrible week ((((((((granite)))))))))). I hope tomorrow gets to be your turn to be taken care of.

Is she on vacation or something or is it possible to just make another appt?

it is the 4th so she isnt in her office monday.i dont think she does make up sessions.if she does im to affraid to assk her.she onlyworks 3 day weeks and probibly wouldnt have time.i would be so scared of rejection

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by granite1

what i really want to do is go in her office sit on the floor and just cry...i know that wont help and would never happen

Crying through an entire session is very therapeutic. I have done it a few times myself.

[rainbow8]

granite, good luck tomorrow. Bring the clay!! Crying would be okay too. I wish I could go in and cry for a whole session too, but as you know, I think, I've never shed a tear in therapy.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Maybe crying and clay?? Good luck with you appointment Granite!

[granite1]

i'm back to not being able to sleep again.i think it i do to my doc appointment,my T appointment and than dealing with my farther for the rest of the dat as the doctors try to figure out what is wrong with my step mother.i am so sick of the constant stream of negitivity and complaints that rae non stop from them it is really wearing on me.and it is expected of me to tay bye my farthers side because he has no idea how to cope when she is sick.I HATE IT.all my life he was never there for me just a drunk and for some reason i am supose to want to care for him.it is expected i hate him

[granite1]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Maybe crying and clay?? Good luck with you appointment Granite!

i do feel like sitting on her floor and cryng but i think i am way to numb at this point .it is my only goping skill right now or i feel like i will totally fall appart for good

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by granite1

and it is expected of me to tay bye my farthers side because he has no idea how to cope when she is sick.I HATE IT.all my life he was never there for me just a drunk and for some reason i am supose to want to care for him.it is expected i hate him

(((Hugs))) I know, that just doesn't seem fair. Remember Granite, you are the bigger and stronger person between you and your father. Thinking of you.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

granite, good luck tomorrow. Bring the clay!! Crying would be okay too. I wish I could go in and cry for a whole session too, but as you know, I think, I've never shed a tear in therapy.

rain it is strange i had cried for 2 days .this is why my huband dragged me to see my NP.it was bad i still cant cope with work.but now i am kind of completely numb.i wish i could explain to her i cant feel anything

[PTSDlovemycats]

I totally get the numb thing Granite. Don't worry this too will pass.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

I totally get the numb thing Granite. Don't worry this to will pass.

i dont know if i want it to.it is what is getting me through this i so dont want to be the way i was last week.i hope tomorrow if doc takes me off the meds i dont turn into another basket case

[PTSDlovemycats]

The numb thing will be there for you as long as you need it Sweetie, It is like an unconscious defence mechanism to protect you.

[granite1]

going to my doc appt now to get on all the proper medication i was supose to be on.i hope she isnt to angry about the fact that i stopped taking it all.i dont know why i did it just seemed like such a hassle.i'm sure my T will be happy about it.although i dont know what she will think about the added anxiety meds.i'm kind of scared to tell her .it is kind of like comming home with a bad report card and you know the mother is going to beat the heck out of you for it

[granite1]

i just so my NP she is always so sweet and understanding.she is convinced that the reason i am so out of controle is because my blood sugars anr so out of wack .that and anxiety that is made worse by the problems with my sugar and high BP

Originally Posted by granite1

i just so my NP she is always so sweet and understanding.she is convinced that the reason i am so out of controle is because my blood sugars anr so out of wack .that and anxiety that is made worse by the problems with my sugar and high BP

That very well may be the case. My husband is diabetic and has terrible high blood pressure, and keeping those two in line really does help his mood. Some of the anxiety he gets to feeling is actually the high blood pressure being out of whack. You have to take care of yourself BOTH medically and emotionally.

Granite, glad your NP was able to help you. go to t and bring your clay and tell her what you want. she will be there for you. and do try to tell about going to the np. i think she would want to know...

sending safe hugs