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#1
Jun 27, 2011, 04:22 AM
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***Trigger warning for Suicide, hospitalizations, cops.***
Brief History....I have PTSD, have had many hospitalizations, but the last one was about 9 years ago, was once charged with a felony for beating up emergency personnel when they were trying to take me to the hospital. I quit my meds (Zoloft) cold turkey about a month ago and became CRAZY from doing that. I have been back on the for like a week and a half - two weeks now. I am still waiting for them to take affect. Anyways, now on to the problem....I am TERRIFIED of therapists, but I NEED to go because my mind is so messed up between having PTSD, 2 people in my family recently dying and still waiting on my meds to work, which is making me crazy. I have an appointment for therapy Tuesday, but am TERRIFIED ! All I can remember is that therapist I had that called the cops on me because I was suicidal. The cops and ambulance came and I was cornered and TERRIFIED and the cops and ambulance people were VERY nasty to me, so I went into fight or flight. I couldn't flee, so I fought. I kicked everyone's butt that day. In the end I got charged with a felony for my actions. I took me over 10 years to get that felony pardoned and expunged. In the meantime I had to live as a convicted felon and had a very tough time finding housing or a job because of it. I am TERRIFIED of trusting another therapist, yet I need to go see one because my mind is getting so crazy. Any suggestions? How should I cope? What should I do? I am TERRIFIED of therapists ! |
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#2
Jun 27, 2011, 09:37 AM
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the first day i had my T appt I did not eat because I was so terrified of it. Somehow I did it and it turned out fine. my fear of the old mental health system was unjustified- to my surprise. I held off therapy for 2 years because of my fear and when the crisis hit I knew i had to have help. My doc whom I like and trust recommended the new T. I still tell both of them that I am scared of it. And I tell my doc that I am scared of T. T is really nice and gentle because I shared my fears with the doc and T. They work in the same office and they can read the notes that each other makes so I do not have to repeat much. Last time doc and T were separate and could not read each others documentation and that made it hard. Good luck to you and peace be with you.
__________________
 laceyluHiding Hurts, Sharing Helps 
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 SillySelf
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#3
Jun 27, 2011, 01:15 PM
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Quote:
 Thank you for taking the time to respond. I like your idea of telling them flat out how terrified of them you are, that way they know to be careful and kind.
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#4
Jun 27, 2011, 04:48 PM
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How are you feeling today, SillySelf?
When thoughts of what happened in the past therapy/treatment come along, slow down and remind yourself that this therapist is brand new. This is not any other therapist. This is a therapy fresh start Trust takes a long time, and it comes as it comes. For me, who wanted very much to be in therapy, it took 9 months at 1-2 times per week visits. Therapy is at your pace and you are going to be just fine Let us know how it goes! |
| SillySelf
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#5
Jun 27, 2011, 05:14 PM
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Quote:
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| ECHOES
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#6
Jun 27, 2011, 05:20 PM
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I hope things go well tomorrow, S. It took me a while, but I have found a T that I trust. I hope you find that tomorrow, too. HS
__________________
You must go on, I can't go on, I'll go on. - Samuel Beckett It's never too late to start all over again - Steppenwolf Every person carries with him or herself patterns of thinking, feeling, and potential acting which were learned throughout their lifetime...As soon as certain patterns...have established themselves...he must unlearn these...and unlearning is more difficult than learning for the first time. - Geert Hofstede |
| SillySelf
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#7
Jun 27, 2011, 11:10 PM
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Wishing you well on your session tomorrow!
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| SillySelf
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#8
Jun 28, 2011, 02:45 AM
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I hope that your appointment goes well tomorrow. Wishing you the best!
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| SillySelf
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#9
Jun 28, 2011, 06:14 AM
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i hope things go ok.remember to breathe and know that this isnt the other T,give this T a chance.move slowly if you need to .it will be ok
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT  Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
| SillySelf
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#10
Jun 28, 2011, 11:00 AM
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To calm my nerves, I went to a Christian book store and bought a few comfort items to hide in my pocket. I bought a wallet card that says, "Today.....Let there be peace within me, trusting that God has planted me right where I need to be." I also bought a metal token to carry in my pocket. It has a cross with hearts on it and in the back it says, " You are loved because He first loved you."
No worries, I am not a bible-thumper and will not preach on here LOL!! The comfort items are just to get me through. After therapy I think I will take myself out for an ice cream to reward myself for going. My appointment is in an hour. I am SCARED, but I AM going. I NEED to. I will let everyone know how it goes. Thanks you all so,so,so much for the support and encouraging words. 
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| skysblue
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#11
Jun 28, 2011, 06:55 PM
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Therapy went GREAT
My new therapist is around my age and is very easy to talk to. She like a good laugh and is easy to relate to. She saw that I looked TERRIFIED  of her in the beginning, so I thought it fair for me to explain to her why. I explained to her that I was TERRIFIED of therapists ever since that one called the cops on me when I was suicidal and the cops corned me and talked nasty to me and I ended up fighting everyone and got a felony (Since pardoned and expunged) from all of that and that now I was TERRIFIED and untrusting of therapists because of that. She was GREAT.......She told me that in her agency that they do not call the cops or ambulance on suicidal people. She said instead, they call in a person specifically trained in handling suicidal people and that he will talk to the client and assess their state of mind. She said sometimes only a suicide contract is needed if he can calm them down through talking, if not, and if they really need to go to the hospital, that he would take them in his car and stay with them so that it is less scary and so they do not freak out. I was sooooooo relieved to hear that. It makes me trust her much, much more. She said I could tell her anything and that she would handle it very gently. I feel sooooo much better. Thanks for the support
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| rainbow_rose
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#12
Jun 28, 2011, 07:23 PM
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So glad it went well! I was also scared of T's because of a bad experience, but when you find a good one, therapy is the best!
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| dismissed feelings, SillySelf
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#13
Jun 28, 2011, 07:35 PM
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this is great glad you were able to get along so well with your new T.i really like how they deal with a crisis
well done
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
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#14
Jun 28, 2011, 07:43 PM
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#15
Jun 28, 2011, 08:33 PM
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Wow!! Your first appointment went so well!
I am SO impressed that you could tell her something so important about your nervousness and fear. YOU made this 1st session go beautifully with your honesty and openness! She and the agency sound like a really good match. It looks like you've found a keeper! |
| SillySelf
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#16
Jun 28, 2011, 09:01 PM
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Thank you also for the compliments. It was hard for me to say that to her, but I also knew that if I did not, then my progress would be extremely slow as I would continue to be terrified of her. I loved her response, so now I am very comfortable and can make quicker progress. YAY ME !!!! I stopped and got a smoothie at Tropical Smoothie as a reward to myself for following through and going to therapy and doing as well as I did. Positive reinforcement :O) |
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#17
Jun 28, 2011, 09:52 PM
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SillySelf, I'm so glad it went well! (love your username
)
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ 
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| SillySelf
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#18
Jun 28, 2011, 10:03 PM
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Something to hug and a soft barrier between me and my t. It helps get me through.. |
| SillySelf
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