[Hope-Full]

Piggybacking off of PTSD's thread...

Why is it so hard for me to let myself be ok with being so attached to my T? I don't want to admit it to her at all, even though we've danced around the subject a bit. She has been away for two weeks and will be back this week and I missed her SOOOO much, but am totally ashamed to admit that to her! I mean, I'm a grown woman and here I am attached and missing someone who is paid to be in my life. It feels really wrong.

How do I let myself be ok with being attached? How do I not feel like a heel because I missed her while she was gone? I know she didn't miss me! I don't expect her to.

There were some great points in PTSDs thread, many of which really hit home and logically make a lot of sense to me. I just don't know how to allow myself to attach, be ok with the attachment, and hardest of all, admit it to myself and my T

[PreacherHeckler]

It's such a complex process... I don't think you can simply "let yourself" be ok with being attached. You start with letting yourself talk about attachment with your T, and with letting yourself feel the attachment without immediately pushing it away, and you let yourself feel both the attachment and the urge to fight it because the need for attachment feels embarrassing, and you let yourself talk about all those feelings in therapy. If your T is sensitive to attachment issues she will encourage you to talk about it and you will gradually feel less ashamed of those needs. At that point you can begin to "let yourself" be ok with being attached.
I know, it sounds easy in a few sentences, but you've obviously read some of my posts in Cat's thread so you know it's nowhere near as easy as it sounds! But talking about it with your T, even if it's just to say "I missed you and that embarrasses me" would be a huge step in the process.

[rainbow8]

I'm not sure if I have the complete answer but I used to be the same way with my first T. It was almost impossible for me to admit that I had feelings for her. It took me at least a year before I was able to tell her. Now I realize it was probably because I didn't understand that it was normal to have strong feelings for one's T. I felt ashamed and confused by my feelings. I didn't know you were supposed to have a relationship with your T when you're in therapy.

But you ARE! Does knowing that most people in therapy feel like you do help you feel better about it? Also, knowing that your T KNOWS that clients will attach to her, so she won't be shocked or surprised?

I remember struggling with telling my first T that I missed her when she was on vacation for the first time. I finally told her and she was very glad that I could! It's a sign of progress, not something to be ashamed about. It's hard because we feel vulnerable but we soon find that our T can be trusted with all of our feelings, including those about her.

[PreacherHeckler]

Something else to remember is that not everyone with insecure attachment problems experiences such intense feelings in therapy. Some insecurely attached people are more dismissive and others may have lesser degrees of attachment difficulties, so they may not experience the severely disruptive approach/withdraw conflict that is so characteristic of an unresolved attachment. I can look back at other close relationships I've had over the years and see the pattern very clearly now and I can see how disruptive it was in my life ever since I was very young. But if you attach to people more or less "normally" but with a bit of insecurity, then you may be able to deal with it relatively quickly in therapy.

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by Hope-Full

Piggybacking off of PTSD's thread...

Why is it so hard for me to let myself be ok with being so attached to my T? I don't want to admit it to her at all, even though we've danced around the subject a bit. She has been away for two weeks and will be back this week and I missed her SOOOO much, but am totally ashamed to admit that to her! I mean, I'm a grown woman and here I am attached and missing someone who is paid to be in my life. It feels really wrong.

How do I let myself be ok with being attached? How do I not feel like a heel because I missed her while she was gone? I know she didn't miss me! I don't expect her to.

There were some great points in PTSDs thread, many of which really hit home and logically make a lot of sense to me. I just don't know how to allow myself to attach, be ok with the attachment, and hardest of all, admit it to myself and my T

I can relate - sort of anyhow.

I resist attachment. From anyone. My pdoc is away. She is back late next week but I'll more than likely cancel my appt because the longer she is away, the more detached I become then she'll coax me back to my appt with the threat of hospitalisation if I don't go and we start trying to rebuild what little attachment was there before she went away. This cycle repeats each time I miss an appt.

Getting attached means I feel and I don't want to be attached to anyone except my husband and kids because they aren't going anywhere, I don't have to pay them to care about me and they aren't going to hold a grudge if I piss them off.