[boston_girl]

Hi All:

So in s nutshell I am a former "cutter"/anorexic/bulimic and I always hid the cutting from everyone- including my therapist when i was younger. One of my biggest fears was that people would think i wanted attention when i all i wanted was to relieve the pain i felt. Anyway, my current psychiatrist is well aware and has always told me that when i get the occasional urge to cut to CALL/Email him and take klonopin. I told him i was too embarassed for said reasons. He said, "well the fact that you're worried i will perceive you as manipulative indicates that you aren't".

Finally, after one year of working with him i emailed him one week ago and said i had strong urges to cut my wrists (where i always used to cut) but that i thought it would pass. The following day he messaged me back: "If you can't say that you're safe, i will call 911 now". I was very confused, i have never tried to kill myself and he knows that. I said, "I'm safe" and asked if he could explain why he acted that way. His Response: Isn't it obvious? You sounded "very borderline" and "dramatic so i was concerned". I am particularly hurt because i always told him that i was afriad that if ppl knew about the cutting that would give me that label even though i don't fit the diagnosis techinically.

I am SO CONFUSED and i told him so, and explained that i was just doing what he told me to do for months. Now i feel like a total IDIOT. I'm so embarassed, and i feel betrayed. It's been over a week now and he hasn't responded at all and i just wanted to reassure him that i wasn't being manipulative but he doesn't respond.

It took me SO long to TRUST him and now i feel like i can't trust him. his message was sarcastic and i felt misunderstood. but these past 6 months have been SO hard (leaving an abusive marriage, relocating, surgery, etc) that lately i was starting to feel that keeping a stiff upper lip was getting increasingly hard. So I am in no position to START over with someone new, yet I can't trust my shrink who isn't even acting like he cares and hasn't called in my script he's been promising since 2 sessions ago. Im very nervous and feel so alone. i have so many friends but i can't burden them with my personal life, and i have no idea how to resolve this.

I'm so sorry this is long i just am clueless. please advise. much thanks. BG

I can relate SOOOO much. I am really sorry you're feeling so bad and that his comments hurt you. I feel really bad for you.... I've been there. My old therapist-- SHE would get all dramatic whenever I cut and pull out the "I'll call 911" card. UGH. When I was just doing what she told me to do--let her know if I wanted to cut. Etc.
Thankfully I have a new therapist who takes it all in stride, and that helps so much. But I used to be so ashamed, on top of what I was already feeling. Your psychiatrist PROBABLY meant well...and obviously has your safety in mind. So that is something you CAN trust about him. He wants you safe. But yah, it didn't come out very well did it? Can you try talking to him? Write him a note? Send him this post?

BG,

I'm new here and perhaps there are better people to respond. I had a conversation with my T. about overwelming feelings of despair. He asked if I wanted to hurt myself during those times and I said NO. He asked if I did have those feelings, would I call him and I said NO. He was very upset. I know that T. has obligation to report any incidents where he believes I would hurt myself or others. We ended up discussing it more and came to this conclusion....I promised to tell him if I "FELT" like I wanted to hurt myself if He promised to trust my response to the question "would I act on those feelings"....because there have been time that I want to stop the pain but it doesn't mean I would act on it....

Maybe a face to face discussion about the wording of emails....what certain words mean to him vs what they mean to you...how to be able to say I"m concerned because I feel these feelings" and when he should know you mean "I'm scared cause I feel like I'm going to do something drastic"...

I don't know if any of that helped...

[dizgirl2011]

Hey there,

I am sorry to hear that your Psychiatrist response was definately not what you expected it to be. He should have explained to you what he would do if he received an email from you. I can understand why you feel upset about this - you told him your concerns about contacting him about your self harm and it seems like just when you decided to trust him, he did exactly what you told him you were afraid of. I resent the use of the word borderline like that. I have BPD and I hate how people use the term as though people with the condition are just manipulative attention seekers. I can also understand how you feel about being refered to like that.

How often do you see your psychiatrist? If I was you the next time you see him, tell him exactly how you feel about his response.

**huge hugs**

Just remember you were only doing what he said that you should, so you have done nothing wrong!

[elliemay]

mmmm.... I understand how you would feel that way. I'm sorry you felt so bad that the urge to cut was there. I'm glad you tried.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with reaching out, I might gently suggest that email is not a good way to do it. A phone call with a voice on the other end of the line can do wonders to lift you. It's not a burden at all if he told you to do it. Also, there is much less left open to interpretation.

I must admit that when I first read what you wrote, my first thought was for your safety. Despite a history of not doing it, there is always a first time. I think your therapist was prudent in his choice to ask you to call 911. It may not have been what you wanted to hear, but he ultimate concern at the time, I can assure you, was for your safety.

Also, what did he mean by borderline? Borderline what? Suicidal? Borderline for admission to hospital? Borderline for cutting? That could be interpreted in many ways, other than just a description of a "personality disorder".

Above all else I think you need to tell him face to face that his words led you to feel ashamed.

Kudos to you for doing the right thing. Next time, if you tell him so, I suspect your therapist will respond in the right way.

Peace to you.

That would be hurtful and confusing.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I can understand how hurtful that must have been for you. I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

[boston_girl]

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

I can relate SOOOO much. I am really sorry you're feeling so bad and that his comments hurt you. I feel really bad for you.... I've been there. My old therapist-- SHE would get all dramatic whenever I cut and pull out the "I'll call 911" card. UGH. When I was just doing what she told me to do--let her know if I wanted to cut. Etc.
Thankfully I have a new therapist who takes it all in stride, and that helps so much. But I used to be so ashamed, on top of what I was already feeling. Your psychiatrist PROBABLY meant well...and obviously has your safety in mind. So that is something you CAN trust about him. He wants you safe. But yah, it didn't come out very well did it? Can you try talking to him? Write him a note? Send him this post?

Thanks so much for responding! I tried to reach out to him 3 times and i've been waiting a week and a half but I don't feel like trying again... I had an appointment with a new therapist Tuesday and it went VERY well, but i will still need to touch base with my psychiatrist for medication.

[boston_girl]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

BG,

I'm new here and perhaps there are better people to respond. I had a conversation with my T. about overwelming feelings of despair. He asked if I wanted to hurt myself during those times and I said NO. He asked if I did have those feelings, would I call him and I said NO. He was very upset. I know that T. has obligation to report any incidents where he believes I would hurt myself or others. We ended up discussing it more and came to this conclusion....I promised to tell him if I "FELT" like I wanted to hurt myself if He promised to trust my response to the question "would I act on those feelings"....because there have been time that I want to stop the pain but it doesn't mean I would act on it....

Maybe a face to face discussion about the wording of emails....what certain words mean to him vs what they mean to you...how to be able to say I"m concerned because I feel these feelings" and when he should know you mean "I'm scared cause I feel like I'm going to do something drastic"...

I don't know if any of that helped...

Actually, it does and I think it's a good idea. The thing is sometimes i think he just has a problem remembering things, and i know that sounds odd. But for instance, there have been times when we were face to face like 6 months ago and i told him i was so depressed i wanted to die but would never do anything- yet he didn't really react much at all. So i don't know why he acted that way when ive told him that i used to cut all the time but never to die, only to cope. I've also told him that i would take myself to the ER if i ever felt like hurting myself because i have a dog im way attached to and would never leave him. But i do believe a conversation is needed, i just feel kinda dumb

[boston_girl]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

Hey there,

I am sorry to hear that your Psychiatrist response was definately not what you expected it to be. He should have explained to you what he would do if he received an email from you. I can understand why you feel upset about this - you told him your concerns about contacting him about your self harm and it seems like just when you decided to trust him, he did exactly what you told him you were afraid of. I resent the use of the word borderline like that. I have BPD and I hate how people use the term as though people with the condition are just manipulative attention seekers. I can also understand how you feel about being refered to like that.

How often do you see your psychiatrist? If I was you the next time you see him, tell him exactly how you feel about his response.

**huge hugs**

Just remember you were only doing what he said that you should, so you have done nothing wrong!

EXACTLY!!!! I know it wasn't his intention but it almost felt like a "set up" if that makes sense because he knows that a fear of mine is to lean on someone and also to be perceived as manipulative- and the worst came true. BPD has a very bad rep but what people fail to see is that even if someone is manipualtive or seeking attention- it's coming from a place of pain or desperation, it isn't that someone would want to be that way. at least that's what i think. Hugs back

[boston_girl]

It's been ten days and yesterday i asked his assistant if he had received any of my messages or if it was a technical issue. she got back to me and said that he would call me today. he did leave me a voicemail and i know im being stubborn but i feel like knowing how upset i was, he waited so long to get back to me and might have not even called if i didn't contact his asst. i feel he often forgets what i say, assures me of things that don't happen or promises to do something but doesn't- not to be mean but beause he is too busy i think. but after a year im starting to get irritated that i always have to try to understand him and excuse him. like he'll say, "i want you to email me your thoughts on a, bc and c" and then i do but he doesn't respond. then if i bring it up in session he says he didn't have time to read his emails- then why does he ask me to do these things? He doesn't take it well if i say im upset w/ him in some way- he ignores it completely. Like last month i found out i had a tumor (luckily it is noncancerous) but he told me to tell him what happened at the doctor. So i leave him a message saying it was was tumor and he writes, "wow". but that's it. he didn't bother to ask me how i was doing. I feel torn because i am attached to him and have disclosed a lot to him so it would be too annoying to start over... Sorry this is so long

Do we have the same T?
I'm sorry you have to go through that but I've found if I come right out and say something he said hurt or seemed sarcastic, he'll realize what he did. It IS confusing to be told one thing and have another happen. It's important that you tell him and give him examples. I hope it works out.

[boston_girl]

Originally Posted by elliemay

mmmm.... I understand how you would feel that way. I'm sorry you felt so bad that the urge to cut was there. I'm glad you tried.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with reaching out, I might gently suggest that email is not a good way to do it. A phone call with a voice on the other end of the line can do wonders to lift you. It's not a burden at all if he told you to do it. Also, there is much less left open to interpretation.

I must admit that when I first read what you wrote, my first thought was for your safety. Despite a history of not doing it, there is always a first time. I think your therapist was prudent in his choice to ask you to call 911. It may not have been what you wanted to hear, but he ultimate concern at the time, I can assure you, was for your safety.

Also, what did he mean by borderline? Borderline what? Suicidal? Borderline for admission to hospital? Borderline for cutting? That could be interpreted in many ways, other than just a description of a "personality disorder".

Above all else I think you need to tell him face to face that his words led you to feel ashamed.

Kudos to you for doing the right thing. Next time, if you tell him so, I suspect your therapist will respond in the right way.

Peace to you.

Thanks and I think you make a good point. i guess it's hard to gauge what someone means if you can't hear her voice...

[boston_girl]

Originally Posted by Calista+12

Do we have the same T?
I'm sorry you have to go through that but I've found if I come right out and say something he said hurt or seemed sarcastic, he'll realize what he did. It IS confusing to be told one thing and have another happen. It's important that you tell him and give him examples. I hope it works out.

LOL- you've had similar experiences i imagine. you know, i'm just going to do it and suck it up and call him tomorrow and then call him out.

[boston_girl]

Originally Posted by boston_girl

Thanks and I think you make a good point. i guess it's hard to gauge what someone means if you can't hear her voice...

and he meant borderline personality disorder- i think he assumed i was trying to be provocative