I've been physically feeling a lot of anxiety this last couple of days, like maybe the incident at the weekend has caught up with me. Been feeling very tired too - maybe because my body is on what I've come to call 'overdrive'... nausea, tremors, etc.

Trying to sleep it off.

[SilentLucidity]

My H and I have been going through some testing for almost two months now. Got some results back today, good but not great, then the doc said they wanted me to see ANOTHER specialist to rule out something else. Do they just make this stuff up as they go along? I mean really, she could have mentioned that to me at last months visit and I would have had it done by now. Now I get to go through all the trouble of setting up appointments, the anxiety or seeing yet another new specialist, more blood work, and the stress of waiting for results. I am so tired of it all. It seems to compound the depression. I can't even get excited about the decent news we got today. Thanks for giving me some place to vent because I don't talk about this stuff with anyone.

[cin1]

i'm tired. don't do so well when i need sleep. at the moment i am angry that i work hard to be a person in her right mind, and i am dumped on by anyone who wants to

[FourRedheads]

I'm lonely.

I took a good nap and now it is time to grade papers. Lots of papers! I think I may be up rather late tonight. If I weren't afraid that those energy drinks may not mix well with my meds, I would go and by me a few!

[rainbow8]

We're almost all packed for our trip tomorrow!! I'm trying not to be too anxious. My daughter who lives here is going also, separately from us. I always worry about road trips.

I checked the library website and my T did NOT return the book today. Maybe they were closed for Columbus Day. I'll check tomorrow. It's weird. I'm thinking about her a lot and miss her, but I'm managing. I don't have a strong desire to contact her but I wish I didn't have to miss my session tomorrow.

I have done a lot of work here on the forum and in my brain and I want to tell her. I want to be with my family but I want to be in therapy too! I'm sure all of my grandchildren will help keep me in a good mood! They're all so cute!!!

[confuseduk]

I'm sat alone in my classroom trying hard not to cry

[pachyderm]

Can you let yourself cry on the inside, while not showing it much on the outside? Sometimes that can be safer, and provide some comfort too.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I checked the library website and my T did NOT return the book today. Maybe they were closed for Columbus Day. I'll check tomorrow.

What's the worst thing that could happen if she doesn't return the book? At my library, the fine is 10 cents a day, so if you get it at your next session and return it, it will be less than a dollar. I wonder if you can just let that worry go?

[cin1]

i am tired. i had only been asleep about a hour and i woke myself up screaming. i sounded terrified. i got up for a little bit. the only time that happened was when i was in the hospital..

Originally Posted by confuseduk

I'm sat alone in my classroom trying hard not to cry

I have done that many, many times. This is when I escape to the bathroom and have a min melt down. Since it is allergy season, I can blame to red puffy eyes on my allergies.

What are you upset about?

[PleaseHelp]

I spaced out in DBT yesterday. Had a crying jag at work (glad the boss wasn't around). My SO emailed and then called to calm me down. He's such a great support system. When I got home from work, he told me we were taking a nap. I hardly ever take naps during the week. I have to admit it did feel good to take a nap. I made supper and he went to class. A friend invited me out to the bar to watch the football game. I'm not all that into football, but it was a good distraction and this friend doesn't pressure me to drink. So we sat, watched the game talked, and drank Mt. Dew It was a nice distraction.

Today we have the girls music program at their school. I'm glad that we get to see them, but I always get anxious about being around their mom. She's not nice to me at all and she puts the girls in the middle of it. Which drives us crazy. And puts such a strain on the girls. So wish me luck.

I feel very refreshed this morning. Thank God for that! Trying to get all my papers graded and in the gradebook. TOO MUCH MAKE-UP WORK~~ I wish that parents would see how important it is to have their children IN school unless there is an emergency. They miss so much when they are out. Time that I cannot go back and 'tutor' them one on one.

I have a nice day planned. The weather is fabulous! I am working on my assignment for my session tomorrow. I was so mad at her when I left my last session that I didn't think I would have anything to say this time. Well, I do! I am not mad anymore thanks to the help of many on PC. Thanks for helping me work through those emotions.

[Rose76]

Yesterday the pdoc put me on Neurontin for severe anxiety. Today I feel light headed. I don't know if that is from the medicine, or the anxiety.

[OneRedRose]

met with T today, it went well alot of questions about our session answered, but otherwise kinda unproductive really!, but i dont mind, next week we will actually have a topic to be working on, today was more of a chit chat and re cap session.

then got home and came to terms with the fact that ironically ive spent my life joking about how i have the memory of a gold fish, I found out today evidently I do actually have the memory of a gold fish! lol!.

then my computer gave me the blue screen of death, lovely, but it turned back on :S so i immediatly ran and emailed all my college work to my college address, but not really investigated the error, I got distracted watching dragon ballz episodes and helping my clan, ill be a computer geek tomorrow and investigate!

[SoupDragon]

Back to square one.

I wish that I could SHUT UP! Just SHUT UP Squiggle! When you are not doing so well, stop writing about it and SHUT UP! Keep this to yourself so that you don't make a fool of yourself. I am really good at that.

[kaliope]

had mother/daughter mani/pedis today. still no sign of baby. feeling a bit less fragile. still no call from T. i worry that i have upset him and that he has abandoned me.

went to the beauty outlet to get hair color for daugther because she wants me to dye it for her before she has baby. i couldnt resist, i bought bleach and purple hair color to do the underside of my hair. i havent colored my hair for a long time. its a definate sign of instability for me. before i got stable my hair was all sorts of colors, many shades of red, or the underside purple, blue, turquoise, pink. after i stabilized i decided it was unprofessional, that clients might view me as a little strange, less dependable, something, i dont know how to describe it, but that i just would come across more professional if my hair was of a natural hue. so i have been my natural blonde, well now i have a lot of grey too, lol, but i have been one color for a good year and a half now. but i am really excited about having my purple hair back. good thing my boss doesnt disapprove. so tomorrow, i go purple! i dont have second thoughts about it either. only sadness knowing that it is a sign things are not right with me.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I wish that I could SHUT UP! Just SHUT UP Squiggle! When you are not doing so well, stop writing about it and SHUT UP! Keep this to yourself so that you don't make a fool of yourself. I am really good at that.

It's OKAY, Squiggle! It's OKAY. You can talk about whatever you want even if you're NOT doing well. That's what this place is FOR! And you're NOT making a fool of yourself! Calm down, Squiggle! Ease off! Let go! You don't have to torture yourself in public! You're really FINE! No, that doesn't mean you don't have problems. That means that other than your head problem, you're entirely okay! And no one here holds your head problems against you! Relax. Take it easy. Breathe deep. Look at it in perspective. The only reason you feel you have to make excuses for yourself here is because of what's happening in your head. In other words, you really don't have to make excuses. Everybody likes you. Everybody respects you. You yourself are the only person who has a problem with you. Really. No kidding. Only you. Take it easy!

Originally Posted by Ygrec23

It's OKAY, Squiggle! It's OKAY. You can talk about whatever you want even if you're NOT doing well. That's what this place is FOR! And you're NOT making a fool of yourself! Calm down, Squiggle! Ease off! Let go! You don't have to torture yourself in public! You're really FINE! No, that doesn't mean you don't have problems. That means that other than your head problem, you're entirely okay! And no one here holds your head problems against you! Relax. Take it easy. Breathe deep. Look at it in perspective. The only reason you feel you have to make excuses for yourself here is because of what's happening in your head. In other words, you really don't have to make excuses. Everybody likes you. Everybody respects you. You yourself are the only person who has a problem with you. Really. No kidding. Only you. Take it easy!

Thank you for your words of support. Yes, I am spiraling for some reason. I am panicking and feeling like I just cannot get my act together. It is totally embarrassing to be like this. Normally, I would never tell anyone. I would suffer in silence until it passes.

I think part of it is knowing that I will see "her" tomorrow. I was so ugly the last time. I have never walked out of a session like I did last week. I don't know who that person was, but it was not Squiggle! She would never be that disrespectful to anyone.

I bet this means that I am really on the verge of a HUGE breakthrough. That scares me to death. I don't want to CRY in front of my therapist. I do not want to break down in her office. Especially since we are meeting at her church! What if someone hears me?

I do not want to embarrass my therapist. I don't want anyone to come in the office and ask if we are okay. I really wish I had the guts to cancel my session tomorrow. I won't do that. That will only make whatever is going on with me last even longer.

Thanks again for your support. (all of you). I feel so stupid that I am not in control of my emotions right now.

[Elli-Beth]

I f*ing hate myself and don't want to go to T tomorrow...

((((Squiggle))))
((((Elli-beth))))

We will all be going to T tomorrow, and we'll all be okay.
Enough of the self hate, you hear me?

[FourRedheads]

((Squiggle)) and ((Elli-beth))

I'm emotionally tired today. A friend opened up to me and I am exhausted. She is dealing with a lot of junk from her childhood and today she really needed to talk. While I'm honored that she opened up to me, I am so tired. It's exhausting to actively listen. Maybe this is what T's feel like?

Next T session is day after tomorrow. So now, of course, i am entering the scared stage. Panic will come later, probably tomorrow. I'm also feeling angry at T, which is weird. I hardly ever recognize my anger in my daily life so why am I angry at T?

[Rose76]

((((Squiggel))))

Thank you for starting this thread. Thank you for comforting me when I felt I was sounding foolish. Thank you for keep being "you." I wouldn't worry so much about crying at T session, if I were you. But, then, I'm not you, and you feel as you feel. You'll get through it, and something good will come out of it.

[SilentLucidity]

Today's session did not go ANYTHING like I had hoped it would. *sigh* Now I have 3 short hours before I need to be up and back at work. I see a grumpy Silent in my future tomorrow.