I fear that I may be overdosing on Ambien. I think taking it every 8 hours may be too much? I just want this weekend to hurry up and pass. Staying locked up in this house is killing me. I don't know what my husband is up to.

I know that since he read my emails, that is something he will never forget. I understand that. I know how hurtful that must have been for him to read about what I 'feel' about being in this situation.

But the bottom line is that I am still here. Taking care of him. It is HARD! There are days that I don't think I can do this anymore. But, I still do!

[Rose76]

I really feel sick, physically and mentally. I need help.

[kaliope]

Originally Posted by cin1

why , why why me? why was i the one destined to be crazy???? ( at times i hate illness , i hate how mixed up i can become. i hate how others ignore me because they brush me off as "the crazy one."

why, why why, even if we had an answer it still wouldnt make it better. i have wasted so much grief wondering, crying over this. my sister is crazy too. she doesnt seem to have nearly the difficulty coping with it as i do. she seems oblivious to it. its just life to her. while it might sound snobby, i am high functioning, she is not. so sometimes i wish, i wasnt so high functioning because it seems the illness takes so much more away from me than it seems it does her. i know i am capable of so much, can do so much, have done so much and then this illness comes in and robs me, takes away my competency, turns me to mush.

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

(((everybody)))

Another day in bed, followed by an evening watching TV at mums. I actually forgot to fill in my eyebrows before going out today - but I actually finally figured it's not a big deal, and wasn't even self conscious about it, which surprised me - this may seem crazy but I've been obsessively plucking, grooming, and filling in my eyebrows every single day without fail for the last 12 years... so to have broke that cycle.. I'm quite proud, as silly as that sounds.

13 days left of going it alone. Going to try and make them positive days...

CONGRATULATIONS justsomegirl!!
doesnt sound silly at all to me. I am a blonde and my eyebrows are on the lighter side but i have a weird obsession about them. i dont fill them but had them waxed regularly because i perceived them as jungles on my face. they werent, but i couldnt help seeing them that way. my friend and daugther made fun of my obession all the time. it has taken a long time but i have finally gotten over it. i simply do not focus on my brows when i look in the mirror anymore.

i am doing well today. working on strategies to be more mindful so that i can be at peace during my downtime to compensate for the anxiety i experience when i am out in the world. pdoc has told me to cut back on the amount of anxiety i am creating for myself in getting the homework he asked me to do as i have been going overboard. i have jumped in with both feet thinking the more i do the faster i will get better, but that is not the case. i am only turning myself into a basket case. damn body and mind betraying me.

hugs to everyone

[OneRedRose]

I was on the verge of a breakdown this weekend, I care for my mum and last night it got horrible, I packed sorted out a months worth of couches to sleep on and nearly walked out the door, but things settled and my dad calmed everything down, then this morning I woke up at 5am and couldnt get back to sleep, I sat....pondered...depressed myself, by 9am I was a wreck, texted a mate no replie, then went on facebook and saw another mate was awake so phoned her, tried to act all cool when she said she couldnt meet me in town, I broke down on phone, so she told me to come round hers, i was in a taxi and at hers by 10am, then my mate that I text at 9am contacted me and started worrying (didnt hear phone go off, and they are all aware that im a risk) so meeting her tomorrow, and then another mate randomly contacted me said she has a present for me so meeting her tuesday, Feeling alot better this evening, think I just really needed a friend, I got hyper on cola and she cooked me dinner and we just chilled, it was nice, but I had decided I had to do something destructive, I couldnt not do something I was in that state of mind so too my friends horror I rolled one of her cigs and started smoking (I quit 9 months ago) but I quicky put it out while saying "ewwwie!!" and that was that, i felt alot calmer after just doing something stupid, but not dangerous, and at same time I was sooooo happy!, I have been craving cigs like crazy for the last 2 weeks, it was litrally driven me too tears, so the fact that I had the cig and didnt enjoy it at all, made me realise that I was a hell of alot stronger than I give myself credit for, and I didnt get attached to them again, I had complete control, and if I can have complete control over an addictive substance that ruled my life and my wallet for almost 10 years, then I can get complete control over my mental health, and I will.

[Rose76]

I feel better than I did yesterday. I have to take tests for a job I applied for. I am so afraid I may not pass the tests. I take them at home on the computer. They are timed. I think - well - could study. But the areas are vast. Studying probably wouldn't help much. I'm supposed to know this stuff on my experience of a nurse.

I fix my face the best I can, too, Cin1! I never leave the house without makeup - at the very least that includes foundation, blush, and (until yesterday,) eyebrows!

Thanks Kaliope! Good for you for getting over that!

I had a good day today - yes, I got up late, but then I was finally able to go riding on my horse, and we had a wonderful 2 hour ride. I feel stronger when I can go riding, it's like the sun shines through, and nothing else matters for a while... I think this quote says it best:

"In riding a horse we borrow freedom." ~Helen Thomson

[nicoleb2]

I actually had a good weekend for once! I took my 6 year old son to his first boy scout camp-out. He was the only tiger scout there (tiger's are 1st graders), I was worried because he is shy, but he jumped right into the activities!

My best friends 6 year old son (who is my son's friend) is in the hospital after an awful asthma attack. This is hi second night in the hospital. I am really worried about him, and about how my friend is holding up, but we went to the hospital to see them. I think we were the only non-family visitors they had.

[WePow]

exhausted = totally
worked and got to work next 5 days - will make that 12 days working in a row by the time I get a day off. Get 1/2 day off Monday but still got too much to do.

Today was a little better. My therapist emailed me to give me some encouragement and 'words of wisdom'. I am not sleeping. I am worn out. My stress level is extremely high.

[Rose76]

I took the two tests and did well on each. So, I guess I got the job. All that anxiety was unnecessary.

[Kacey2]

I had a real bad night on Friday. I was on Ambien. I had a black out and cut myself really badly. I ended up getting 80 stitches. I feel so embarrassed and sad. My t said that he is not mad at me but was very scared and sad that I did that. I'm sad too.

[cin1]

i am tired, been up since four. i try to customize my profile, and put pictures in my album, Without having instructions. being the bp that i am, over and over, same way, wrong way, won't give up...., so i am frustrated. might ought to just stay with posts.

[PleaseHelp]

Managed to get around outside the house with only one crutch. Did some walking in the house with just my brace, but knew when it was time to get the crutch or give my knee a rest. Took some nice outside family photos. My girls decided that our dog needed to "dress up" for pictures too. So they had their dad put one of his ties on the dog Silly kids! Glad to have the girls for one more night, even if I have to work most of tomorrow so I wont get to spend a lot of time with them.

[cin1]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

I had a real bad night on Friday. I was on Ambien. I had a black out and cut myself really badly. I ended up getting 80 stitches. I feel so embarrassed and sad. My t said that he is not mad at me but was very scared and sad that I did that. I'm sad too.

i am sorry about all of that. years ago when i was in a hospital they gave me thorizin, (see how long ago it was), and it made me pass out. it is horrible. The cutting is done, it is sad, but today can be better. i send my thoughts and i hope someone does something nice for you today..

[nicoleb2]

I am having an Ok day.

I am really worried about my friend and her son. He is 6, and is going to be staying at the hospital again. 3rd night already. My friend is having a really hard time coping. Now her other son needs glasses. She is having such a hard time and I don't know how to help her.

feeling super depressed and massivesly screwed up at work. won't know the repercussions until tomorrow. i just made a terrible, bad, dumb, stupid, idiotic mistake, but it might cost me my job. i am keeping my cell phone off and not even daring to check work email. it is my official day off.
xanax isn't touching the anxiety...
if i do get fired, then i deserve it. i will just deal with reality when it comes.

seems like reality is kicking my butt lately.
seriously wanting to lose it just to have a chance to rest. that is crazzzzzzy thinking.

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I am having an Ok day.

I am really worried about my friend and her son. He is 6, and is going to be staying at the hospital again. 3rd night already. My friend is having a really hard time coping. Now her other son needs glasses. She is having such a hard time and I don't know how to help her.

Offer to sit with her son so she can have a few minutes to leave his room, maybe get some food. Bring her something to eat; she's probably not leaving his room very often.

((((((((Kacey)))))))))) Kacey, please be safe with you

Just having a blah day. Saw very little daylight.

[nicoleb2]

My friend whose six year old is hospitalized now has her eight year old with ear infection upper respiratory infection and needs glasses which they just found out today. If you pray, please pray for this family that they all get better and can be back to normal!!!

[kaliope]

Rose76...Congratulations on doing so well!!!!

Things going well here too. Think my anxiety levels are going down. Bit overwhelmed at work knowing that I will be taking up to three weeks off to go to my daugther for the birth of my grandchild. Just realized besides having to get my timecards prepared in advance, and getting my clients covered by other staff, I am going to have to get not only my monthly report done, but my quarterly report as well. it just seems to be so much chaos i dont know where to start to get organized being so busy.

wishing everybody well. hugs to all who are struggling

[Rose76]

Kaliope - Thanks very much. Nice of you to be paying attention with my tedious ups and downs. I surprised myself. I hope everything goes smoothly for your daughter and granddaughter.

I am stunned . . . that I actually probably got this job. It feels unreal. I'm waiting to see what bad thing is going to happen to take the good out of the good news. Yes, that sounds pretty dumb, and I was not always thinking like that. It took a lot of bad experience to get that way. I think it will take a certain amount of good experience to counteract that.

Today was a very, very sad day. I was notified early this morning that one of my students lost her mother this morning. She died of cancer. This child did know that her mother was very ill, but was not aware that her mother had passed away. They chose not to get her from school, but would tell her when she got home.

I had to keep this precious child all day. Knowing this news, but I could not tell her or let on that I knew anything. I watched her get on the bus this afternoon, knowing that within minutes she would find out that her mother died.

My heart is grieving for my student. I cannot imagine what she is feeling tonight.

[delicatefade26]

Oh wow Squiggle that is so tough : ( my prayers go out to that little girl and her family-and also for you-that had to have been difficult to know that information all day-so heartbreaking!! <----For all

[PleaseHelp]

Squiggle that had to be very difficult. My thoughts are with that little girl and her family/ to you too.