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#851
Sep 09, 2011, 02:09 PM
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Quote:
 
__________________
"Wake me up...when September ends"
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 confuseduk
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#852
Sep 09, 2011, 02:16 PM
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Today has been kinda weird...I feel frazzled-trying to find an apartment to rent-that I can afford but that isn't too ghetto...and I have so much other stuff going on right now it's hectic and exhausting...and I haven't heard from my T (and even though I said it could wait until Monday-I was hoping he would have wrote me back) I see him again then...and i feel like I'm counting down the hours til it happens...and I know it will be disappointing...I'm so confused right now I need to just stop...
__________________
"Wake me up...when September ends"
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#853
Sep 09, 2011, 03:25 PM
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Quote:
Best of luck finding an apartment and hope Monday isn't disappointing for you
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| delicatefade26
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#854
Sep 09, 2011, 04:14 PM
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I'm trying so hard to keep talking and keep the darn mutism away, but it's difficult. I'm okay during busy work hours, when there's no time to worry, but as soon as it's "down time", the stupid stuttering returns. For the most part, I can speak except for needing to write during the most intense moments in session, but it's sooooo much hard work to spit the words out...
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#855
Sep 09, 2011, 05:41 PM
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I am SO glad that I feel great today!!! I don't know what happened, but the dark cloud of despair has been lifted. Well, at least for the time being. I never know when it may come back. I hate that I can't predict it!
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| FourRedheads, skysblue
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#856
Sep 09, 2011, 08:25 PM
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today was a good day. i did homework asked of me by pdoc, or half of it anyway and went grocery shopping. forgot to walk around building, but i was fairly busy with multiple projects at work today. i could say thats a legitimate reason but to be honest, i just didnt make the homework a priortiy. it truly doesnt take long to walk around the building. oh well. i will put more effort into it next week.
well wishes to all |
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#857
Sep 09, 2011, 10:38 PM
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I was folding a bunch of laundry when I felt almost too weak to finish. I had eaten okay, so I didn't know what to think. I went to bed because my whole back felt so weak. Since this afternoon, I've been in bed resting. Dozing on and off. I guess I was behind in rest. Slept 6 hours last night, which has been kind of typical and not enough for me. I've just been so obsessed with my cleaning projects, I guess I got carried away.
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#858
Sep 09, 2011, 10:43 PM
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Today I saw T and spoke about rapid mood swings. He said he was concerned about my impulsivity. Don't know if it's bipolar or the DID or both. All I know is I can go from "fine" to sui in 5 seconds or less.
Of course, as soon as my H got home, I went straight down the tubes agian. I don't really have the motivation to fight these mood swings. Or to find out where they're coming from. Danm! I feel like crap now! 
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#859
Sep 10, 2011, 12:35 AM
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I was not able to make it through the day today. All my classes had tests and our technology was down so I had no real distraction from my thoughts. I was set off by a song on the radio and completely fell apart. I have been crying all day. I can't stop. Tonight I finally got an email back from T. It was pretty basic, "I got your email, sorry things aren't well, see you next session." I am relieved that she emailed me back, but I think I was hoping for a little more. I don't know what that would look like though.
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#860
Sep 10, 2011, 12:48 PM
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 to you SilentLucidity.
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| SilentLucidity
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#862
Sep 10, 2011, 04:22 PM
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((SilentLucidity))
Haven't updated here for a couple of days because I don't know what to post. I don't know what to say. I don't really know myself at all. I don't know who I am. I can tell you what I did today but I can't tell you what it means. How I feel about any of it. I'm hoping to change that. One positive: letting T know what I needed this week in session. HUGE. Even knowing what I needed--HUGE! Of course now I am panicking and feeling guilty and second-guessing myself. |
| SilentLucidity
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#863
Sep 10, 2011, 04:40 PM
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SilentLucidity: When a song can set you off that bad, you are really in a very vulnerable state. I think people who are very affected by songs are inclined to be very reactive emotionally on other fronts, as well. That would be true of myself, anyway, and some others whom I have known. Hope you feel better. Something is wrong that needs fixing.
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| SilentLucidity
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#865
Sep 10, 2011, 06:46 PM
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Stressed out by a family function today. My belly was in knots and I struggled to stay present. Not good. I went to the dollar store and bought some index cards to write down the instructions for the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. I started stressing because I could not remember the instructions for grounding myself. What a mess. Is it over yet?
__________________
 laceyluHiding Hurts, Sharing Helps 
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#866
Sep 10, 2011, 07:36 PM
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so i have been focusing on the homework pdoc gave me, getting out and doing things instead of holing up in my apartment all the time. didnt think it would be a big deal. honestly, i thought that i used my anxiety as an excuse for being a lazy unmotivated couch potatoe. what i have come to discover is that i truely have a problem. this is damn hard for me. i truly am crippled by my anxiety. and the thing is, he was telling me a story to use as a tool to manage my anxiety, but i couldnt process it, because he told me he wanted to change my meds and that had created so much anxiety for me i couldnt really listen to what he was saying. and now it is a month before i see him again to ask him to repeat his story.
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#867
Sep 10, 2011, 07:39 PM
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thank you for the kind thoughts. this is my second day of uncontrollable crying. self-medicating which i know is not the best, but i just don't want to feel anything else right now. i can't talk to my husband about any of this because he will feel so guilty about something that isn't his fault. i didn't know i could hurt this bad. it is like parts of me i didn't even know i had are broken. can't sleep. finally broke down and called T but told her she didn't need to call me back. i don't see her until tuesday. i can't even think about work on monday.
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#869
Sep 10, 2011, 08:30 PM
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Today is my husband's birthday, so it's been family time with all the boys. Very nice. I should be grading a set of tests that have to be graded by Monday, but I've decided to procrastinate. I'll think about it tomorrow. (Yes, there is a little bit of Scarlett O'Hara in me
 ). (I wonder if any of you will actually get that reference.)I guess it's time to look at that friggin list again. Monday's my appointment and I'll be tied up with church (and grading that test) tomorrow. |
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#870
Sep 10, 2011, 08:39 PM
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Quote:
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#871
Sep 10, 2011, 08:46 PM
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Quote:
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#872
Sep 11, 2011, 12:19 AM
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Hi farmergirl, I get it too. Scarlet had her defense mechanisms. Also, she had a kind of mental efficiency. If nothing can be done now, then file it under "things to be dealt with later." A good system? Yeah, I think so.
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#873
Sep 11, 2011, 03:51 PM
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Third day of crying. For someone who never cries this is a bit hard to handle. Husband and I went for a walk today and he brought up our dilemma. It was the first time I let him see me cry about it - two straight hours of crying. I hate it. I hate that he feels so bad. I hate that me feeling bad makes him feel worse. T called me back even though I told her she didn't have to. It was so reassuring to hear her voice. She said if I need to talk before our next session that I just need to call and she will get back to me. No self medicating for me today. I promised myself and a friend that I wouldn't, but I am constantly thinking about it. I just don't want to feel this way anymore.
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#874
Sep 11, 2011, 04:39 PM
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silent lucidity i am sorry things are so tough for you right now. i use the mantra that "these feelings are fleeting", tho when they go on for several days that seems like a hard one to accept fleeting for. but still, by focusing on the idea that they are fleeting, i was able to look forward to the fact that i knew they WOULD end as they always did in the past and it somehow lifted the burden some, disconnected me somewhat from experiencing the pain. i hope you get some relief when you see T next week. please dont hesitate in contacting T sooner if she has given you that option. i am struggling, obsessing over my new pdoc. i am happy he is putting so much effort into helping me with my anxiety, but he also wants to change my meds, take me off the one med i credit to have totally stabilizing me for over a year and a half now. so on one hand he is wanting to help fix me and on the other, i see him pulling the rug out from under me. it just doesnt make sense. i think i freaked out sufficiently that he only lowered the dose by half, but his argument was the dose was low enough in the first place that i might as well not be on it. how do i win an argument like that. i said it stopped the voices in my head. he believes they were broght on by stress. i believe they accompany mania/depression, but i guess that would fall under the category of stress as well. how does one argue with a pdoc? |
| SilentLucidity
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#875
Sep 11, 2011, 07:15 PM
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Today was okay. Went to church and then to Walmart. Ate at Hunan's. Came home and took a nap. Worked in my yard. Now I am grading papers! That is not that fun, but necessary to keep my job
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| sittingatwatersedge
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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