Weirdness

I saw T for an extra session yesterday...it was good, and helpful. I had sort of spewed out all of my feelings over the weekend, so I wasn't overwhelmed anymore, and we were able to talk about what's going on in my life and he was able to help me look at the situation and find ways to move forward.

I used to tell T all the time, "I'm not the same person out there that I am in here". Out in the world, I am grown up, someone people come to for help. In T's office I am sometimes grown up, sometimes little, and he is there to help me. I guess after 4 years of therapy, "therapy me" and "out in the world me" are a little more in alignment, but I am still there to be helped by T, not the other way around.

So, T's door opens to the waiting room. When I walked out, my 12 step sponsor was sitting there (it's a tiny office, so she was there and a couple and that was it). She sees one of the other two therapists in T's office (I actually recommended her). I was SHOCKED to find someone I know sitting there...it was like worlds colliding.

My sponsor is going through a lot with a relationship ending. We said "hi", hugged, I asked how she was doing, and she started telling me what's going on with her relationship that ended. She had found out some new and upsetting information yesterday and was telling me. I was listening and asking questions and I was suddenly SO aware of T walking around behind me...getting water, walking down the hall to the bathroom, going in and out of his office, etc. And it felt REALLY strange to know that T was seeing the "other Tree"...the Tree that lives out in the world.

It was a very "grown up" session, and despite the sad things going on, we laughed a lot, so it wasn't the whiplash that it could have been at other times. But it just felt so weird to have T see me talking to this other person. Our world so exists just in that office, and it spilled out a little. Not in a bad way. Just...weird.

I tend to want to think everything happens for a reason, so I'll be interested to hear T's thoughts/feelings about the whole thing. Total weirdness.

hi, that's so great your T saw you in another setting .... probably gives them a depth of insight they were lacking in before because of not seeing you just interact "normally". I wonder that sometimes with T's - how a lot of their observations and comments come from our interactions with them. For some if they listen and we feel safe to share then they might pick up on what other interactions look like; for those who are more focused on just the relationship between T and client where we are only showing such a small part of our lives it can be hard. they miss things that are important and can get such a one sided view; so ... I hope that your T saw this helps in lots of ways

That is SOOOO cool !!!!

T is VERY VERY non-directive, but he told me yesterday that he really wanted to be directive right now. He wants me to take care of the cat first, because there is so much going on, and the cat is such an underlying source of sadness and stress right now. So. I have an appointment at 9:30 with the vet to see what she says. Maybe she will say "oh, this cat is old, for sure, but he's not as bad off as he seems". Or maybe she will say he's in pain and unhappy and it's time to let him go .

I'm scared. I've had him for 18 years. I love him.

I wish my T could see me in RL. I keep telling her that in RL I'm confident, self-assured, accomplished etc. etc. Of course, in my private RL I'm nervous, scared, sad, etc. and that's the only part she sees. I don't think she would recognize me if she saw how I acted with people because in session I am completely different. You're right - it would be weird.

Back from the vet. WITH the cat. I couldn't do it.

(((((Tree))))) (((((kitty)))))

(((((Tree))))) I know how hard it is to let a beloved pet go and I'm so sorry you are struggling with this right now.

I know what you mean about the person you are in therapy vs. the person you are in real life. I sometimes wish that my T could see me interact with people outside of T, but then I realized she'd see right through the mask I show the world and it wouldn't matter anyway. She'd see that underneath that calm confidence, I'm still anxious and terrified...I just hide it well when interacting with other.

i wish my T could see me at work. i think she would be proud of how well things go there.

(((((Cat)))))

(((tree))) I wish you could see how sweet and wonderful you really are. That you love your cat so much says so much about you.

Tree me too.... I lost the best one ever at 17... my heart is with you and Cat.

Thinking of you and kitty!

I saw an acquaintance at T's office once, and that was weird enough for me! But I know what you mean about real life vs. therapy session appearance.

tree i truely feel for you. i am so sorry you cat is not well

meow

Can't find kitty SO sad. I know I made the wrong decision this morning. Ugh. ughughughugh. emailed T but didn't ask for a response, because I don't feel like I DESERVE one.

Just. BLAH.

eta: I honestly just want to delete this whole thread now! I know it's not that big of a deal. It just feels hard.

((((((((((((Tree))))))))

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Losing a pet really sucks. You do deserve a response from T. You deserve the support you need.

Aww hun... my heart goes out to you about your cat, i dont blame you for not being able to do it, I dont think I could either. . I feel like crying for you right now. Is your cat in a lot of pain, did the vet say theres any way you could keep your cat at home in a way that it doesnt have to be in pain (maybe she could give her something to help keep her comfortable) and that she can stay at home until she passes naturally?

((((((((((Cat)))))))))))

I do have 4 days of pain meds for him. He has to take it with food and he didn't eat yesterday so I couldn't give it to him. This morning he ate, and I picked him up to put him on my lap and give it to him and he fought it, and I don't have the heart to make him struggle like that. The vet tech told me the meds taste awful and I know I'm giving them to him for ME instead of him. I'm taking him back to the vet this morning. I. am. so. sad.

I did e-mail T again and asked him to reply to my e-mail, but he doesn't usually check e-mails on Wed and I see him tomorrow morning at 8:30 so I don't think I'll hear from him. I wanted to ask just in case though.

((((((((((((((((((( tree and kitty ))))))))))))))))))

I'm glad you found Kitty, that was a relief to hear.
I will be with you in spirit today. so sorry

It is so painful when our pets are ready to leave our world. I hope you will be able to say good-bye and allow your cat to drift away without further suffering. I know it is a terribly difficult thing to say good-bye having had to go through this myself more than once, but sometimes it is the best we can do for them.

Be gentle with yourself.

Thinking about you and kitty today tree- I hope you can find some peace.

I'm taking the cat at 4. I've already arranged with the vet to have him put to sleep and cremated. They asked if I want to be with him, and I do

I heard back from T. I know he is thinking of me, and that helps.

My son is moving from homeschool to high school this fall, and I have a mtg at the school today, right before the vet, to register him.

A lot of changes at once.