[WePow]

Ok this may sound like the dumbest question in the entire universe.
I usually have no problem on PC but this one is hard to type.
I know some Ts are members, so if you guys have insight, I would appriciate it.

At work, we sometimes get yearly bonus based on performance.
I was SHOCKED because yesterday I got mine - and it wasn't small.
I could NOT have done this year at work without my T. And he was there for me in email and phone and extra sessions throughout the entire time.

I honestly feel that he deserves and has earned some of this bonus money, so I want to give him a small amount extra (like 2 sessions time worth) as his part of the bonus for his work helping keep me in a job.
I seriously could NOT have make it without him!

But I am afraid of giving him the check because I don't want him to think I am crossing any boundary. I am not doing it to manipulate him. And I feel he has spent his time on me and I want to pay him for his services.

Today I have two checks made out for my extra session he will give me before he leaves. One is the normal session fee. The other is the normal fee plus the bonus he earned. I don't know which to hand him. I want to hand him the bonus one and if he declines, to give him the other. But I am afraid to do what I feel is right to do by offering it to him.

Any input?? Thank you TONS!

[skysblue]

I suspect your T will refuse.

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I suspect your T will refuse.

If he's a professional, then he'll absolutely refuse.

[granite1]

i wish he wouldnt refuse but i also suspect he will.maybe a donation to his fav charity in his name if he does refuse

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think it would be nice to offer it and tell him why, but he will probably need to refuse.
What a nice thought and gesture!

[Wren_]

I typed something about this; and then deleted it to go with my gut feeling .... I know you want to do this, and totally understand your desire and think it's a loving gesture as well as one of great thanks; but I just wonder if say he did accept it later your mind might trick you into assigning his extra help as something you paid for rather than something he offered out of care and going that extra mile.

[WePow]

Tigergirl, I know he goes the extra mile because he cares. And I know I am more than just a job to him. But that is the same reason I got the bonus. I care and go the extra mile for my customers because I care. And he is one who is helping me to keep caring and going. So I directly see that he deserves a share of the bonus as much as I do.

[Wren_]

I know .... I just know how the mind can work at times even knowing that with the bonus maybe there is something else that would work like a book or something? rather than cash. Could always try talking to him about this

He will refuse this if he is the professional I think he is. You don't have to pay him extra for caring about you. Is that what you are doing?

[WePow]

Farmergirl, no. I am not wanting to pay him for caring. I want to pay him a bonus the same way I get one - for going the extra mile in my job. Maybe this is just stupid of me to even think about. I will just tear up the other check.

Pick up a really nice thank you card and write him a note about how you appreciate all he does for you. Honestly, that will be plenty.

[granite1]

wepow i don't think it is stupid of you at all i think it is a nice gesture weather he takes it or not.i always think a thank you and acknowledgment of a job well done and appreciated is never stupid and is kind .i know your T would love a sincere thank you anytime any money put aside

[granite1]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Pick up a really nice thank you card and write him a note about how you appreciate all he does for you. Honestly, that will be plenty.

mabe even make him a card.i know you are amazingly talented

[Wren_]

I don't think you or the things you are asking are stupid at all

[elliemay]

In my opinion, I see absolutely no need to give your therapist extra money. As hard as it may be to accept sometimes, there are actually people there to help us. He would want you to keep that money. I'm sure of it, because you did the heavy lifting in your recovery.

You *are* incredibly talented, and I bet if you made him a card, that would, in fact, be priceless.

Use the money to get yourself something nice. Or donate a small bit to your therapist's favorite charity.

Congrats on your bonus, congrats on your recovery and courage and congrats for your generosity of heart and spirit.

[unaluna]

Well, NOW you have to talk to him about your impulse and figure out what all this MEANS. No good deed goes unpunished! Is it just the impulse to tithe? Is it because you're not allowed to have the whole pie all to yourself? You don't deserve all of it? You have to give some of it away before it's taken from you anyway? I have a LOT of issues with gifts, obviously! Maybe it's really not that complicated for you, hope not!

Congratulations on your bonus, YOU DESERVE IT.

[rainbow_rose]

I don't think it's stupid, WePow. My therapist doesn't accept or give gifts as a boundary. Believe me, my mind works to find ways around this (haven't found one yet). I think absolutely you should share your thoughts and desire to do this with him and your reasons for wanting to do this. I totally understand how you feel.

Sometimes you just wanna drop-kick those boundaries out the door.

[lacey12345]

i love the card/note/book idea! it's giving your time and care as a thank you

totally worth more than money!

i like to give friends & mentors books that I think they would like. I write a little note in the front of the book and date it.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,

I also don't think there is anything stupid about your question at all. I think it shows you are a very thoughtful kind person! However for ethical and boundary issues I don't think he will accept the bonus.

I think making him a gift or buying him something small but sentimental might be a nice thought (if he accepts gifts) or even just a nice card can mean a lot!!

*hugs*
xxx

[Dr.Muffin]

I couldn't take the money. I mean ethics and agency rules aside, I just don't think there's any reason to tip me! I've gotten lots of thank you cards and I keep and cherish those. Even from before I started grad school when I was a residential counselor working with kids like 8 years ago! Every now and again I look at all the little cards the kids gave me and I smile.

Write your therapist a note and/or give him a card and express your gratitude. He will most certainly appreciate that. And you will avoid the awkwardness that will ensue when he refuses the money, as he must.

[WePow]

Thanks Dr. Muffin. I feel better about that. I will just tell him what I thought about and what PC said and then say "I am not even going to offer so you can't refuse and you can thank them for you not getting a bonus!" LOL !!! He will laugh and laugh at that! ((I am HUGE into avoiding conflicts !! One of my issues. )))

[granite1]

i think you should make him a card

I think it's a lovely gesture, but T will refuse. Or, he should.
I do think you should talk about it though. Maybe together you guys can come up with a way you can spend the bonus for stuff that's therapeutic for you. Like buying paints, canvas, play doh, etc etc whatever it is that you can do to transfer more of the therapy work into your home life. I think in that way you are giving T a bonus that he can't refuse.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by granite1

i wish he wouldnt refuse but i also suspect he will.maybe a donation to his fav charity in his name if he does refuse

This was my thought too (thanks granite!) I would probably not ask, just tell T that I donated it (to MY fav charity), and then (try to) speak my gratitude. I think that would be more valuable overall.

PS - WePow I hope this bonus is a little gratifying for you too, a mark of progress. It's been a tough year for you.

[Wren_]

Thanks Dr. Muffin. I feel better about that. I will just tell him what I thought about and what PC said and then say "I am not even going to offer so you can't refuse and you can thank them for you not getting a bonus!" LOL !!! He will laugh and laugh at that! ((I am HUGE into avoiding conflicts !! One of my issues. )))

I hope you do share that