[googley]

My T wants us to talk about things that I have been avoiding or only talking about a little bit. She thinks that it is really important. I agree with her that the stuff is really important. But it is really scary stuff. I haven't been able to talk about it and stay present in session. She wants to work on me being present and talking about it so that I can fully process the experiences and feelings. I totally understand why this is necessary. However, it really scares me to have to talk about this stuff and be present at the same time.

My T is the best T I have ever had at knowing when I am dissociating. And she is the only one who really helps me deal with it. I wish my prior Ts had brought it up and helped me with it.

My T wants me to be aware of when it is happening and tell her. Sometime she is more aware of it than I am. She wants me to tell her when it is happening, but often when I realize it I'm already past the place where I can say anything about it. Or I feel so awkward mentioning it in the middle of trying to get whatever has caused it out. She said that sometimes I do it before we talk about hard stuff, like a way to protect myself from what is coming.

I just feel so screwed up. I don't know what to do about this.

What do other people do?

I used to have this problem constantly. My t really taught me how to bring myself back and keep myself present. He never let me get so far gone that I was out of control. One thing he taught me is that even when I am in that state, there is something there that I am thinking about and he absolutely expects me to tell him that. At first, I couldn't get to my thoughts. I was all feelings. But he just kept patiently working with me, and what I found was when I started being able to recognize my thoughts, I started dissociating less and less. You see, it's hard to dissociate if you are aware of your thinking. Pretty logical actually. But it didn't happen over night. This took working with and practice with many, many, many times.

[dismantle.repair]

What do you mean by 'dissociating' though?

[skysblue]

I have no idea what to do about it. When I've dissociated my T will ask me how I'm feeling and all I can say is 'blank'. I don't think I've ever returned fully present once I've 'left'. It feels almost like being asleep while still awake. I don't even know if I want to do anything about it because, for me, coming back to the present will hurt too much if I've dissociated - I mean, I've 'stepped out' for a reason, right?

[Butterflies Are Free]

My T used to be the first one to pick up on it but now I do as well. If she doesn't stop and say, "I think you need to just sit with your feelings/your body" etc... first, I will usually say something like, "I think I need to stop talking for a minute and just check in with myself." Breathing always helps as does reminding myself that I am in present day.
Sometimes, if it is really tough, I will ask T to hold my hand.

[googley]

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

What do you mean by 'dissociating' though?

When I talk about dissociating for me it means not being fully present in the present. Often I will disconnect between what I am feeling and what I am saying. Other times it becomes like I'm not connected to my body. Like I'm watching someone else say things. Other times I become so overwhelmed with an emotion (usually fear) I can't talk.

[JustWannaDisappear]

Originally Posted by googley

When I talk about dissociating for me it means not being fully present in the present. Often I will disconnect between what I am feeling and what I am saying. Other times it becomes like I'm not connected to my body. Like I'm watching someone else say things. Other times I become so overwhelmed with an emotion (usually fear) I can't talk.

This is how I feel too. I seem to have been doing this a lot more lately. I don't remember my last session at all.

[Xeneon]

I can't really say much about this topic but I just wanted to send you . I'm sorry your having a hard time, I hope things get better soon.

[Elana05]

((Googley))

This just happened to me last night. Yuck. I think if I knew how chamelions change color to disappear into the background I would absolutely do that. All I can think to myself is, "Wow, I am really not here and I do not want to be here." It doesn't happen with reg T just in couples T. It's weird to have 2 people staring at you while you wonder if you have vanished into thin air yet.

[laceylu]

Just starting my journey with controlling the disassociation. This weekend I tried so hard to stay in the present that I got tired and let it win.

[dismissed feelings]

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

My T used to be the first one to pick up on it but now I do as well. If she doesn't stop and say, "I think you need to just sit with your feelings/your body" etc... first, I will usually say something like, "I think I need to stop talking for a minute and just check in with myself." Breathing always helps as does reminding myself that I am in present day. Sometimes, if it is really tough, I will ask T to hold my hand.

I do get this part. I talk way too much to avoid feeling silly or stupid about things. I still cannot get comfortable talking to this person about embarrassing stuff. I am way too worried about what T thinks than what I feel so I just babble on and on or switch topics prematurely if I feel I am annoying or losing T. I know this is not good but I cannot stop doing it!

I think in the past few months I've just started to get a handle on this.

Hard things are...HARD. When we haven't talked about them before, or dealt with them without dissociating, it seems like an insurmountable task. Or it did to me, anyway.

For me, the feelings are SO BIG, and that's why I want to/need to "leave". T's good about sensing how much I can handle, so he doesn't push me too far too fast, and that helps.

The topic we're talking about now used to make me dissociate before ANY words were said about it. T would say something like "this thing that's pushing at you seems so hard" and whoosh - i would be GONE.

T has spent a lot of time helping me learn to ground myself. A LOT. And so he has seen what helps, what doesn't help, what works, what doesn't work, and he can guide me back to a more grounded place when I can't do it myself. Some things that work for me are putting my feet on the floor, standing up and moving around the room, listening to the cars outside and trying to identify what they are (dump truck? bus? van?). He reminds me to breathe, and that helps. There are lots of things that we've found over the years, and those tools are the only thing that make it possible for me to be present enough to process this stuff. And it's still crazy hard.

I needed to tell him something hard a few weeks ago and I knew I had to get it out, so I would tell him a tiny bit (like "there's something I need to tell you") and then I would ask him a question (like "what did you eat for breakfast?"). I don't even know why I did it like that, but it helped bring me back to reality over and over again at pretty short intervals and I never really lost my groundedness, which was huge.

I think the main thing that it requires is a TON of patience...from T and from yourself. It can be a slow, slow process, and that is so okay. Our brains have learned to protect us for a reason, and it takes time for us to understand, DEEP down, that we're safe now and we can do this.

Be gentle with you

[just2b]

WOW !!! I just had a session with T about this. It has been about 3 weeks since seeing each other because I was hospitalized. T said she has been nervous bout something and we needed to talk about it. I had my usual anxiety, but with this mentioned it just made me more nervous too. T said that the issues that we need to talk about are important but I dissociate all the time and its therapy interfering with progress.

[googley]

Thank you all.

Amazon, I really just wanted to be able to get through all this stuff quickly to be done with it. I guess this isn't going to happen that way. I just have to be able to accept that. For some reason your post just made me want to cry. (not blaming you or saying that it was wrong) just that this is really hard to accept that I'm not just going to be able to spend a couple of sessions on it and be done with it.

I was thinking about it, and the only way I survived getting though childhood was shutting off my emotions. So it makes sense that that is my easier to do that when things get overwhelming.

[Sannah]

[SoupDragon]

I do this alot and T has just focused on trying to get me back into the room. More recently T has challenged my view that it just happens and is trying to make a gap between the trigger and the dissociation - I guess to increase my awareness of when it is going to happen and to try to stop it before I get into it.

I said it is just a switch that gets pressed so T got me to imagine the switch (size, shape etc..) and then to imagine it about to be switched - what comes directly before it - I think I still have a way to go, but I think in theory this sounds like a possibility.

[skysblue]

I think I like dissociating because it's a calm neutral place to be.

[mgran]

My friend, who is a clinical psychologist, had me over at hers last night, and came back with me today to check I was okay. I was amazed how much she picked up on. She noticed last night when I was hallucinating, which is something I can hide very well, and today when I went "sideways" (that is, she was talking and I couldn't focus on what was going on) she realised something was happening. I suppose it's "dissociating" from how you describe it. She took my hands, and asked me what was happening, and I couldn't speak. She told me to look at her, and I did, asked me what was happening. I said I didn't know, she said, "come on love, use your words", which made me laugh, though I still couldn't think of how to describe it. Later I said I'd gone sideways, which is what it feels like. Other people are talking, and it's like I'm in another place.

I suppose I'm lucky having a friend who's actually qualified to help me!

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by googley

I was thinking about it, and the only way I survived getting though childhood was shutting off my emotions.

I can relate.

Grounding is definitely important to practice, practice, practice in session. Feet on the floor, walking around, identifying objects in T's office. With all of my clients who dissociate, I have a specific item in the room for them, that they latch on to, to keep them in the room with me. Then we use a lot of descriptors of the items - what do you see, feel, etc.

For clients that are ok with touch, I hold their hand or pat their back. Or I ask for eye contact and that they follow my voice to where I am at.

I've had success with some giving them a crayon and paper to just do something - scribble, doodle, etc, and I talk them through what they are doing on the paper. Sometimes it helps connect them to the present while drawing a picture/feeling from what is causing them to pull away.

I also dissociate in my own therapy sessions with T. I say "I'm shutting down", which for me is the period in which I am beginning to dissociate and am about to throw a wall up between us. My T then clues in to ground me so I don't float away.

[Wysteria]

Dear Googley,

I'm so glad you brought this up...and so glad so many people responded..I have been reading with interest all that Butterflies are Free and Treehouse and SoupDragon and others have said. I totally relate and even asked some of the same questions elsewhere.

I'd love to hear more about the grounding in sessions especially when you are kind of frozen and can't really speak or even hardly move much. I've kind of been faking it through those times for quite a while.. I wish I had a Stormy Angels that could see it so clearly and make it all right...

Thank you so much for being so candid with your thoughts and emotions...You never know who is listening and also needs to hear the same answers and stuff. I guess that is what is so wonderful about a community like this.

Good luck with your therapy and grounding and healing...

Wysteria Blue

[skeksi]

I appreciate deeply the ways my T helps me ground myself. Even when it is hard and I can't really do it, I feel like I am training my brain to understand that the world is safer than I think, that (now) there are safe places where I don't have to dissociate if I don't want to. Even when I can't stop dissociating, I am healing.

Originally Posted by stormyangels

Grounding is definitely important to practice, practice, practice in session. Feet on the floor, walking around, identifying objects in T's office. With all of my clients who dissociate, I have a specific item in the room for them, that they latch on to, to keep them in the room with me. Then we use a lot of descriptors of the items - what do you see, feel, etc.

For clients that are ok with touch, I hold their hand or pat their back. Or I ask for eye contact and that they follow my voice to where I am at.

I've had success with some giving them a crayon and paper to just do something - scribble, doodle, etc, and I talk them through what they are doing on the paper. Sometimes it helps connect them to the present while drawing a picture/feeling from what is causing them to pull away.

Are you my T?!

(just kidding, of course...but this is so similar to what my T does with me )