[franki_j]

So I have been seeing this therapist now for almost 5 months. I had never been in therapy before, and when I first made the appointment, all I wanted was to get rid of my binge eating b/c it was really controlling my life. I have had REALLY unhealthy eating habits my whole life, from not eating for days to b/p, etc. but at that stage it had basically evolved into me binging and then taking ADD meds to control the urge to binge. Just very unhealthy, and when I went in to see her, I just wanted to fix the problem. I had absolutely no idea I would become so attached to my therapist; it had not even entered my mind.
Five months later, I have made remarkable progress. I am eating so healthy and losing weight and am off the ADD meds, and last session my T was telling me how much progress I had made and that I was reaching my goals. But instead of making me happy, this made me sad. Does this mean she is planning to stop seeing me? Some sessions we do not talk about food at all, and just talk about my life, especially as it has been pretty stressful lately. We have also touched on some other issues as well, but sometimes I feel that she does not know how to handle those other issues quite as well as the eating ones (which makes sense, b/c EDs are her specialty.) I am really quite attached to her; I even made her an oil painting a couple weeks ago, and when I gave it to her I think she almost cried. Anyways, when she mentions that I am doing very well maintaining my eating under stressful conditions, which is a good sign for longevity of maintaing my new habits, or like today, when she said that I was reaching my goals, I get sad. Especially today when she was praised me a lot, and I didn't look all that happy, and she said something like "You are happy about this, right?" and of course I am happy, and so grateful to her, but I don't want therapy to end. I would really miss her and be really hurt if she said, "OK, well we are going to start cutting back and then no more therapy."
What do you guys think? I think the most obvious thing to do is ask her how these things go. Like if I have reached my eating/weight goals, then is that all she can help me with? Ugghhhh, IDK I am so confused!! Feedback would be awesome!

[geez]

Originally Posted by franki_j

So I have been seeing this therapist now for almost 5 months. I had never been in therapy before, and when I first made the appointment, all I wanted was to get rid of my binge eating b/c it was really controlling my life. I have had REALLY unhealthy eating habits my whole life, from not eating for days to b/p, etc. but at that stage it had basically evolved into me binging and then taking ADD meds to control the urge to binge. Just very unhealthy, and when I went in to see her, I just wanted to fix the problem. I had absolutely no idea I would become so attached to my therapist; it had not even entered my mind.
Five months later, I have made remarkable progress. I am eating so healthy and losing weight and am off the ADD meds, and last session my T was telling me how much progress I had made and that I was reaching my goals. But instead of making me happy, this made me sad. Does this mean she is planning to stop seeing me? Some sessions we do not talk about food at all, and just talk about my life, especially as it has been pretty stressful lately. We have also touched on some other issues as well, but sometimes I feel that she does not know how to handle those other issues quite as well as the eating ones (which makes sense, b/c EDs are her specialty.) I am really quite attached to her; I even made her an oil painting a couple weeks ago, and when I gave it to her I think she almost cried. Anyways, when she mentions that I am doing very well maintaining my eating under stressful conditions, which is a good sign for longevity of maintaing my new habits, or like today, when she said that I was reaching my goals, I get sad. Especially today when she was praised me a lot, and I didn't look all that happy, and she said something like "You are happy about this, right?" and of course I am happy, and so grateful to her, but I don't want therapy to end. I would really miss her and be really hurt if she said, "OK, well we are going to start cutting back and then no more therapy."
What do you guys think? I think the most obvious thing to do is ask her how these things go. Like if I have reached my eating/weight goals, then is that all she can help me with? Ugghhhh, IDK I am so confused!! Feedback would be awesome!

((franki_J)) It's like you wrote a summary of my therapy experience and what I've been through ( I binged and lost allot of weight etc..). I'll respond later as I have to get my kids to bed but just wanted to let you know this would be a great thing to talk about with T and just because you conquered your ED that doesn't mean there aren't other things you could be working on in therapy. What you decide to work on is up to you!

[geez]

Originally Posted by franki_j

Does this mean she is planning to stop seeing me? Some sessions we do not talk about food at all, and just talk about my life, especially as it has been pretty stressful lately. We have also touched on some other issues as well, but sometimes I feel that she does not know how to handle those other issues quite as well as the eating ones (which makes sense, b/c EDs are her specialty.)

,,,,, but I don't want therapy to end. I would really miss her and be really hurt if she said, "OK, well we are going to start cutting back and then no more therapy."

....if I have reached my eating/weight goals, then is that all she can help me with?

Just a few questions I have: Does your ED become induced by stress? If so do you feel like you now have the tools to overcome the stressors and continue on the path of health?

What other areas does your T cover? If you feel like you want to explore working on other areas of your life I would ask T if that's something she can help you with.

Perhaps you can stop going to T for a month and see how you feel?

When I first went to my T it was to unload all the stuff from my past (abuse stuff). Then it evolved into my relationships with others, self esteem, and my obesity. I'm now at a very healthy weight for the first time ever and my T is proud of me . Working on oneself is neverending it's just a matter of deciding you need your T to help you with it or not. I have my last appt coming up with T after seeing her for 3 1/2years and I will miss her dearly. I am eternaly thankful for all that she has done for me.

PS Congratulations!!!

Wow, firstly, congratulations for making so much progress! I struggle with eating issues too, and know how deeply ingrained they can be. It's really fantastic that you have been able to make such significant changes. Your T must be a good one

In my view, a good therapist will make sure that she is working to her client's goals, and won't delay the ending of therapy just because you're both comfortable. Your T may see that you are near reaching the goals that you agreed together, and you haven't (yet) set any new goals together. I don't know what kind of therapy your T does- some (like CBT) tend to be time limited, and some therapists won't see clients indefinitely. But this is definitely a conversation you should have with your T, and maybe you could negotiate together some other goals you'd like to work on. It sounds like it would be a shame to lose such a skilled therapist when you still have goals to work on.

[franki_j]

Yes, it is definetely worse during stressful times, but until I started therapy, it was always there and always something I dealt with, whether I was stressed or not, although being stressed made it worse. And yes, I actually do feel as though I have made enough progress that maybe in a month or two I would be able to try and deal with this on my own. But the thing is is that I just feel so safe and comfortable around her and love talking to her, and I like that she genuinely cares about me. Like sometimes she will get upset at my parents, to the point where I feel that I have to defend them. But it's nice to have someone care like that.
And yeah, of course I feel that I have otehr things to work on, but I really feel that she primarily deals with EDs. One time I told her something about my dad that I don't think she was expecting, it was right at the end of session,and then I got so upset about it after session I went and made myself throw up. Then I sent her an email telling her what I had done, and next session she apologized for what had happened and then we didn't talk about it. So sometimes I do feel like her thing that she deals with is just EDs, and like maybe she wouldn't be sure exactly how to deal with other things. But I just have a really good connection with her. Also, I am a lot younger than she is living in a big city that I moved to a year ago. I have really good friends, but I love that I have someone older than me that I can talk to and that I trust and that cares about me.

And Improving brings up a good point, that my therapy is CBT, so I feel that it does have an ending point, moreso than other types of approaches, but that seems SO unfair to me.

[franki_j]

Oh, and the reason why we never mentioned my throwing up again was b/c that was never really my problem, it was just an extreme reaction to what was inadvertently bought up in session. The real problem for me has always been binging (well not always, but it evolved into that). Which is why it was never really bought up again.
I just feel like if I asked her and she said that yes, we will be stopping in like a month or two, or gradually stopping or whatever, then I would probably just pay my bill right then and there and have that be my last session. I really feel like I would just shut myself off from her.

[geez]

(((franki))) You should open up to her and tell her this. Tell her what you need and want from therapy. If it helps write it down. It sounds like your T will be upfront and honest with you about what she can help you with.

Fingers crossed for you that you get what you want and need.

[ECHOES]

They just like to help us see our progress and let us know that they see it too.
Sounds like she's very proud of you!

But please talk to her about how you are feeling about this.

[franki_j]

Thank you so much for your support guys! It's just that the more I think about it the sadder I get it I do know that she is very proud of me, but one part of me thinks she is just setting me up to stop therapy. And I know that I need to talk to her about this but it will be hard for me to bring it up, so so hard. And I also realize that her therapy is CBT, which I think is more goal-oriented and less emotional, but I still feel an emotional connection to her, and I think she does to me as well. Which would make it hurt all the more if she told us our therapy had a set end point.

(((((((franki))))))))

It sounds so painful and scary, to want so badly for therapy to continue, but to not know what's going to happen.

I wonder if it would be a relief to talk about it, no matter WHAT the answer is? I know that I make things way way worse in my head when I worry about them than when I just deal with what's in front of me...even when what's in front of me hurts, and is something I just don't want to deal with.

It sounds like you have a good T, and like you've worked really hard in therapy, and like the two of you are a really good fit. It really would be hard to let that go. Hopefully your T is skilled enough that when your therapy does end (because we will all be done with therapy eventually...), she will know how to make it a good ending instead of a bad one.
to you.

[Bella01]

I can relate to what your going through with the thought of leaving your T. I am at that point also where I think my T is trying to end it. We only see each other every six weeks.

I think that you should talk to your T about what you are feeling. I too would not be able to say good bye. I think that I would not show up to the last appointment. I hate goodbyes. lol

[franki_j]

Yeah, I know I have to talk to her about this. See, I don't know if she is trying to end it, or just let me know that she is proud of me. Or maybe both. I know I have to bring this up next session, I will update everyone once I see her next week.