[vaffla]

I promised to keep you updated regarding what I wrote about last Sunday
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=193935
and so here is the update:
I wrote T a letter in which I told her what I had done, and the different emotional reactions I had experienced as a result of what I found out. I told her I know she probably will be angry at me and disappointed in me, and that terrifies me, but I am willing to suffer the consequences.

She read the letter (my heart was beating so fast before the session, it almost jumped out of my chest). When she was done she said she was glad I was able to be honest with her. She said she wasn't feeling any anger, since there wasn't anything threatening about my behavior. She said she views it as simply wanting to know who she is, and who are the people in her world, and trying to get a better sense of it.

She is amazing, and I knew all along she's amazing, but today she showed it in a deeper way.
She clarified for me why the wedding took place recently (because her mom is about to die any day now, a family wedding that has been scheduled for later in the year was being held now). I felt really awkward to have her explain this to me, because I honestly felt like it wasn't any of my business. But she said it's important for her to explain this to me, because I grew up with so much deceit and concealment in my family.

We spent the rest of the session discussing what I had imagined regarding her when she was gone, and the feeling I was experiencing as a result.

So, the moral of the story is that my instincts about her were right, and she did not reject me for my behavior. She accepted me with all my flaws, and could understand, with a lot of compassion and empathy, what was driving me.

She is amazing, I missed her so much . Too bad she will have to go soon again and I am sad that she is about to lose her mother .

[Asiablue]

You were so brave to have done that Vaffla, so a big well done. I'm glad she reacted the way she did, she's a very good therapist and person i suspect.

So happy it's all turned out ok for you.

[FourRedheads]

Good job!

[WePow]

GOOD JOB!!! Being honest with T (and risking getting hurt as a result) is one of the most difficult parts of therapy (IMO). That shows maturity on your part. Way to go!

[SallyBrown]

That is all.

[ECHOES]

I love happy endings!

I'm glad it went so well. It feels good just reading about it!

[rainbow_rose]

Awesome!

Wow, Vaffla, that is absolutely fabulous!
Congratulations for being so courageous and upfront with what's going on with you.
I'm so glad your therapist showed you exactly what she's made of--a compassionate person who is able to stay constant and steady no matter what you bring to the table! She's definitely the kind of person who has the "right stuff" when it comes to being a therapist!

[PreacherHeckler]

Yes, what Jaybird said.

[BonnieJean]

Vaffla - it worked out! You took the risk and were rewarded.

[vaffla]

Thank you so much everyone! I appreciate the support.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by vaffla

But she said it's important for her to explain this to me, because I grew up with so much deceit and concealment in my family.

I hear that! Maybe that's why I had such a strong reaction, and why my T is so open. Thanks for sharing this.

[crazycanbegood]

Awesome, vaffla!

[Wren_]

that's good it worked out so well ... that you were able to tell her what happened; that she did return home as she anticipated; that she was going to see her mother as she'd told you; and that she accepts you just the way you are

[Butterflies Are Free]

So glad you were brave and took the risk and so happy for you that your T understood.

[rainbow8]

vaffla, I'm happy it turned out well for you, but I knew it would because your T sounds like mine!

You are so brave! Good for you--and I'm so glad it turned out ok

[skysblue]

Vaffla - can you share how you coped with becoming ready to share with T? What were your biggest fears? How did you overcome them in order to speak freely? Remind me again how long you've been with this T.

[vaffla]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Vaffla - can you share how you coped with becoming ready to share with T? What were your biggest fears? How did you overcome them in order to speak freely? Remind me again how long you've been with this T.

I've been working with her for less than six months, so it's a pretty new relationship. But in the short time that I've known her, she has proven herself to be open minded, authentic, honest and trust worthy with me. She has been there for me when I needed her, she gave me additional session whenever I was upset about something, she told me straight to my face that she wants to get close to me, and that she is hoping that I will be able to trust her and get close to her. She made me feel safe.

I was very anxious about telling her all that happened. I have told her before, in one of our very first sessions, about looking up former T online, driving by her house, etc. Her reactions to those stories was very open minded and accepting. She could understand why I did what I did. But I didn't know how she would deal with it when it is all directed at her. That was a real test for our relationship as far as I was concerned.

I wrote her a letter. I've written her before, when I wanted to bring up something that was difficult for me to talk about, so the concept is not new in our relationship. I wrote in the letter what happened, the feelings it evoked in me, and I cried for her help to try and better understand this behavior and help me stop it.

I was so anxious I had a hard time sleeping in the last two nights before session. My heart was pounding in my chest whenever I would think about this session. I dealt with it by reminding myself that so far she has been great, so there's a good reason to believe she will continue to be great. I also reminded myself that I won't be able to hide this from her, because I know what I did, and it will forever stand between us if I don't tell her. Since my goal in this relationship is to get as close as I can to her, I knew withholding such important aspect of myself would stand in our way of getting closer to each other. That was a price I wasn't willing to pay. I knew then that I had to take the risk and share it with her.

Thank god my instincts were right and she was as receptive as possible to it. God bless her heart .

Why are you asking? Do you have similar information you are contemplating on sharing with your T?

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by vaffla

Why are you asking? Do you have similar information you are contemplating on sharing with your T?

Thanks so much for sharing. No, I don't have similar information but I fear being as honest as I should with my T because of fear of disapproval from her or even termination. The risk is too high for me at this moment in time. I am so glad it turned out well for you.

[zbmom]

I've looked my T up online before but didn't find much. She didn't seem to mind.

[confuseduk]

That's great Vaffla. I really admire your courage and honesty. Sounds like you've found a keeper

[SoupDragon]

Thank-you so much for coming back on to share this with us. It is great feeling supported on here and also supporting others, but to actually hear the outcomes like this is so enormously helpful and something I really value from this site in helping me on my journey.

What an absolutely wonderful T you have - she sounds like someone who can help you so much and it also sounds like your relationship with her is one where such difficult issues can be explored openly and honestly - I think you both sounds amazing actually - great news. SD

[vaffla]

I have to bring it up again and add something: you know what's one of the best thing about T regarding this whole incident? That I totally anticipated that after telling her what I did she would tell her son to block his FB wall from strangers like myself. And apparently she didn't, because it is still wide open. It suggests to me that she really did mean her words and she doesn't mind if me, or other people for that matter, do that.
She told me her children are adults and she doesn't tell them what to do, and that despite being very private from most people, she has no problem sharing information with people she is connected with (referring to me! To me!). That made me feel like a person, rather than a freak.
her!!!

[Wren_]

You ARE a person and not a freak glad she helped you to feel and believe this and thanks for following up about the son as well