[Abby]

I'm not entirely sure what I want to express in writing this and usually if I feel this way then I won't bother saying anything because it will be pointless to do so but I'm going to today because I'm too tired to ignore whatever it is.

My therapist gave me information today in session about mindfulness techniques. It is the first time she's ever given me anything printed out or likewise. I'm semi-familiar with mindfulness. I understand it is all about 'being in the moment' and letting thoughts and feelings come and go freely without judgement. So you can say something along the lines of 'okay this situation is making me feel angry' but you aren't angry...because you are not your thoughts and feelings etc.

It seems like a positive, constructive practise to implement....so why do I feel so low right now? My only reasoning is that this came in response to me telling her that one day this week I was very, very depressed and due to that a lot of negative things happened and perhaps she wants me to able to differentiate that when I feel sad that I feel that way for a reason and be able to 'let that be' and not always react on my feelings.

But gosh all this feels so invalidating this evening. How can I detached myself away from pain that often physically feels like i'm having a never-ending heart attack? I feel like my entire life I've had to let my feelings be ignored or passed by, so today i'm feeling as though mindfulness is just a clever way of someone telling me that my feelings are irrational and I don't need to hardly think about them let alone act on them.

Logically I understand my therapist feels this will be helpful for me, and despite my feelings now I will give myself 10 minutes a day to practise it....but I feel very disconnected from her tonight. I suppose if I was mindful I should acknowledge this but not dwell on it or spin out into other thoughts like my life is rubbish etc etc.

Anyway I don't know what i'm saying.

[granite1]

my T has started talking to me about mindfulness and that it might help me but now i am not so sure does it really mean not acknowledging how you feel and stuff

[Abby]

Originally Posted by granite1

my T has started talking to me about mindfulness and that it might help me but now i am not so sure does it really mean not acknowledging how you feel and stuff

No that isn't what it means nor how I attempted to describe it.

[Wysteria]

Abby,

I'm not sure how you are feeling, but it seems that you wanted some comfort not necessarily another tool for your toolbox today. At least sometimes I feel that way and am sometimes more open to suggestions on some days than others. I'm glad you are open to at least trying it. Maybe it was just not the day for it. Sometimes we just want to be heard and listened to and acknowledged or feel a little cherished..not an action plan. Maybe just be a little patient with her and look to yourself or someone else for a little snuggle and perhaps give yourself a little reward for being patient with yourself like a little mani, bubble bath or something that makes you feel special. I don't know if I am "hearing" you...I am trying... I hope you know at least that much.

Safe hugs and huggles...pax

Wysteria Blue

[peaches100]

I think it means that you DO acknowledge what you are feeling. . .but then you recognize that it is just a feeling and it will pass. So you let yourself experience it, but you try not to hang onto it, but let it flow through you. One visual my t has used with me is to recognize what you are feeling, and then visualize your feeling being a leaf that you place on the water and let it drift downstream. It doesn't mean that you deny the feeling or refuse to acknowledge it. You become aware of it, but try not to get lost in it, or stuck ruminating about it.

[peaches100]

You see it, valid it, but don't try to hang onto it. let it move through rather than get stuck.

[mcl6136]

Thank you for revealing how low you can get after sessions..I've had this happen as well. And my first approaches to mindfulness felt actually...kind of numbing and there was a part of me that felt judged by the practice of mindfulness itself...ha! The biggest step that I've taken that has helped is to know that mindfulness allows us to be gentle with ourselves....to treat ourselves with compassion and care. Therefore, if mindfulness feels like one more "burden" or judgement, then backing away, even from mindfulness itself....is the answer, for me at least. But in the end, thank you for being open enough to share this. Blessings! mcl!

[Abby]

Originally Posted by peaches100

I think it means that you DO acknowledge what you are feeling. . .but then you recognize that it is just a feeling and it will pass. So you let yourself experience it, but you try not to hang onto it, but let it flow through you.

Perhaps I have failed to communicate myself well enough. I attempted to demonstate that I am well aware of the basic concepts of mindfulness including acknowledgement and acceptance of what is. My point in my original post was that tonight this feels completely impossible, and to try and tell someone that it can feel as though my feeling don't ever just pass, they just develop to a different one and it is incrediably difficult tonight to imagine sitting more in this level of pain.

Wysteria you are hearing me and I really appreciate that you understood my post. I agree I think if I felt stronger I would have been more able to take this positive recommendation but because i'm finding it hard to cope, the last thing i maybe wanted today was a coping tool that i have to use on my own.

[dismissed feelings]

Mindfulness is such a hot topic these days, too hot if you ask me. It is not that I think it does not have its place; I just think that it is thrown out there by too many Ts these days before people are ready and have fully worked with their T through their issues. Until you can verbally get all the ickiness self-disclosure stuff out of the way and feel your T truly knows what happened and understands you, it just feels dismissive and corny, at least that is how it felt to me. So, while I think it is a positive idea and may be helpful for some people at some point, if you are still trying to explain yourself to your T and wrap your own head around your issues, how can you practice mindfulness successfully without getting distracted?

Again, this is just how I feel about it. I would love to be able to be able to practice it well some day; but, I've tried and I just get more angry and hurt as though I am not allowed to feel anything because nothing that happened should be affecting me the way it does. It really felt like a put down to me when it was suggested in the first couple of sessions. I was rather ticked with my T as well!

[unaluna]

For a while, I told my T, I felt like if I started screaming I would never stop. I tried to keep myself as UNmindful as possible. I remember him just looking at me with his eyes open wide. I think it was in our first year, my life was a mess. I hope your pain eases.

[SilentLucidity]

Abby,

I'm glad you posted this. You know exactly what you're saying and I completely understand it. I hate it when that happens. I feel like sometimes T suggests things that are so "simple" at face value, but in the reality of where I am are ridiculously difficult to implement.

[Wren_]

reading what you wrote sounds like you are really really hurt and that the one person you wanted to have validate for you what was going on ... hurt you more even if it was unintentionally

I've only looked at mindfulness a little bit and so far have found it difficult ... I hope it will help more for both of us; but having someone "there for you" is so precious as well especially when your feelings have been dismissed before and when there is great pain involved both physically and emotionally

[skeksi]

I hope you'll talk with your T again about what mindfulness can be.

For me, a lot of my suffering comes from fighting how I feel. So I might be scared, and I think, "You're so stupid to be scared, you're so much weaker than everyone else, this proves what a weirdo you are, STOP it!" Or I'll be numb and I'll think, "come on, snap out of it, get over this. You're wallowing." or I'll be sad and think, "Everything in my life comes out so badly, I'm destined for misery. There's no hope." All of these things are distractions. When I am mindful, I feel the emotion, I notice it, but I don't get swept away with it like a tidal wave. It's more like I'm in a boat riding the crest of the wave--it helps me to survive the emotions intact.

Mindfulness is a hard thing to attempt, and that's why it can be helpful. A lot of my mindfulness comes from noticing how my body is reaction--tension, breathing, etc.--and how that is mimicked in my mind. Noticing these things makes them less powerful, so that they are things I'm experiencing and not things taking me over.

That's just my experience, mind you. Everyone is different. But maybe there is room to see how your T was attempting to introduce a new strategy to help you, but there was a disconnect and you felt dismissed? No wonder you feel hurt, but maybe that's not what she intended.

[Sannah]

[Abby]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

Thank you for revealing how low you can get after sessions..I've had this happen as well. The biggest step that I've taken that has helped is to know that mindfulness allows us to be gentle with ourselves....to treat ourselves with compassion and care.

Thankyou mcl, I think the compassion issue is what my therapist wants me to attempt because she says i'm self criticise a lot and that gets me stuck because bad thoughts about myself will make me feel worse etc.

Originally Posted by dismissed feelings

So, while I think it is a positive idea and may be helpful for some people at some point, if you are still trying to explain yourself to your T and wrap your own head around your issues, how can you practice mindfulness successfully without getting distracted?

I agree with you dismissedfeelings, your post highlighted another area that has disconcerted me. My therapist never advises. In fact it has almost been to the point where it is irritating! So this production of mindfulness has really come out of the blue. I understand your reaction of getting angry when attempting to practise mindfulness, thinking about it create a similar emotion in me, I feel the issue is that I don't get the finer points of it so at the moment 'letting feelings pass' seems like 'ignore feelings'.

Originally Posted by hankster

I tried to keep myself as UNmindful as possible.

Woah hankster I am what you described. I try to ignore and numb my feelings as much as possible to avoid the pain. Doesn't work much though!

Originally Posted by SilentLucidity

but in the reality of where I am are ridiculously difficult to implement.

Thanks SilentLucidity, I'm glad you understood too. The bizarre thing to me is that I've been going on at my therapist for months about marking progress through goals and everytime she's told me how I've progress but told me that we don't understand why I feel as I do and it is very complicated so there isn't AN answer. She said at the session in therapy we can think about why but outside I can use mindfulness. But isn't that contradictory...if mindfulness works why bother figuring out why the feelings and thoughts are there? Why bother with therapy at all!

Originally Posted by tigergirl

but having someone "there for you" is so precious as well especially when your feelings have been dismissed before and when there is great pain involved both physically and emotionally

Thankyou tigergirl for understanding my post. It is appreciated! I think it was may be perhaps unintentionally badly timed. I am attempting to keep as open a mind as possible, because I have heard positive things about it and my greatest wish is to not feel in so much pain.

Originally Posted by skeksi

For me, a lot of my suffering comes from fighting how I feel. When I am mindful, I feel the emotion, I notice it, but I don't get swept away with it like a tidal wave. It's more like I'm in a boat riding the crest of the wave--it helps me to survive the emotions intact.

skeksi I will talk to my therapist about it again, and hopefully the more I read up on the topic the less ignorent I will be and perhaps I'll be ashamed of my initial reaction to it all! It's likely...that is my fear when expressing opinions! All your examples are ones I can identify with so if mindfulness helps you then it is a good omen for me. Atm I cannot imagine how a person can feel an emotion and not be consumed by it though....but I would like to be able to notice my feelings like bow I am now able to better notice my thoughts. Like tonight I thought 'i want to kill myself' and I 'heard' it and thought 'that's daft' and then didn't think about it again (well until now!). It may be interesting to start to notice how many unnoticed, conditioned thoughts I have....

I hope that noone minds that I have paraphrased and re-quoted their posts.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Abby

No that isn't what it means nor how I attempted to describe it.

wow sorry

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Abby

at the moment 'letting feelings pass' seems like 'ignore feelings'.

This is really important and something to talk to T about. So you feel that feelings must be acted upon?

Originally Posted by Abby

She said at the session in therapy we can think about why but outside I can use mindfulness. But isn't that contradictory...if mindfulness works why bother figuring out why the feelings and thoughts are there? Why bother with therapy at all

Mindfulness is just the first step. If you are successful you can pay attention to your feelings and it will give you valuable info about yourself. Plus being able to tolerate your feelings makes life a lot better. But beyond this there are other things to work on in therapy like boundaries, self worth, etc.

Originally Posted by Abby

Atm I cannot imagine how a person can feel an emotion and not be consumed by it

This is important too and something to share with T.

Originally Posted by Abby

Like tonight I thought 'i want to kill myself' and I 'heard' it and thought 'that's daft' and then didn't think about it again (well until now!). It may be interesting to start to notice how many unnoticed, conditioned thoughts I have....

Good work!! So yes, do this with the feelings too.

I totally agree with you that mindfulness is not the panacea that it is sometimes made out to be.

If you've ever flirted with meditation, as an idea and a practice, mindfulness really isn't much different.

Also, it's not just mindfulness in the context of psychotherapy. I was first introduced to the term of mindfulness by a book called Mindful Knitting. I didn't find the idea very useful for my knitting, but it did make sense to me as a general practice.

Anne