it seems lately i have been reading alot of post of people who stare at their t's carpet more than their t. i am famous for this... and then t got a new rug, totally threw me off my game. i was so angry. finally, t gave me a picture of the old rug

so do you have a hard time with eye contact and what does your t's carpet look like?

[WePow]

That is so awesome that your T gave you a picture of the old rug! OMG! The fact that he had one shows he knows his clients!

I know what my T's diploma looks like because it is off to his right and I can get away with kinda looking at him and looking a LOT at the diploma instead.

It is hard to open our souls to another human.

PS - just read your post about the rug pic your T gave you - that is just way too cool!

[Omers]

ROFLMAO
My current T has a blah off white/tan-ish carpet and some very strange shoes... the socks, when she doesn't wear shoes are even more strange.
Don't know what massage T's floor looks like. When we talk and it gets too close I stare longingly at the table... "can I go yet? can I go yet?"... but she will move into my line of view. One time she even slid her chair up to me, locked my knees between hers and held my head!
Pdoc has hard wood floors... but she has Ansel Adams style photography behind her that I prefer to disappear into.

I did fire one T after our first session for bad carpet... It was 2001 and she had yellow/green shag carpet with a worn in brown hue... NO way was I going to be staring at that for an hour a week! (OK, so didn't really like her either... but shag???)

[Ygrec23]

I don't stare at T's carpet. I stare at her rubber plant. Every time. Serious questions. Serious answers. Stare at rubber plant. Last time T told me that if you don't talk to people while looking them in the eye they think you're lying. I don't think I've ever said anything serious to anyone in my life looking them in the eye. No wonder I myself have received so many funny looks, always a big conundrum to me for decades and decades until now and T's explanation. How can you think seriously and talk seriously while looking in people's eyes? It's just contradictory. To me. Take care.

I know the pictures on T's walls, his carpet, ALL of his shoes and socks, the patterns on his chairs and pillows SO SO SO SO well. I figure I've sat in his office for over FOUR HUNDRED hours staring at those things.

I do look at T's eyes more and more. I STARED waaaaaaay into his eyes today. I need to see who's in there sometimes.

[velcro003]

yep, i even trace the patterns with my toes sometimes I commented once that i liked her carpet, and she laughed and said that it is nice because it never gets boring to look at! seems our T don't like to stare at their clients all the time either.

i think i make eye contact about 10% of the time...if that. my T has never said anything about it though.

finally, t gave me a picture of the old rug

I love this - it shows that your T understands you and is caring. That's such a good sign!

My T's office is more like a living room than an office - leather sofas (2), leather chair, lots of floor-to-ceiling bookcases, filled with books and "stuff". There's a red oriental rug over the carpeting - with a gold design. The pillows have a red and gold zigzag pattern - I know them well because I'm usually holding one. Once I even piled up all of them on my lap and I could barely see over the top. I was laughing and he asked "Do you feel safe?" I said yes. I made a joke out of it and put them back, but I really would have liked to spend the entire session peeking over the top over the top of those pillows. Maybe one day I will ... but then he'll want to discuss why I'm doing it.

[crazycanbegood]

i used to stare at these globes my T had in the corner. then one day she moved a desk in and put the globes in a spot where i cant look at her. i have accused her several times of moving them to force me to look at her. once i said, "now I have no where to look. she replied, "you could look at me." i said, "no thanks i prefer the globes!"

[Elli-Beth]

No carpet- it's a hardwood floor with WAY too many dust bunnies. I usually stare at the ugly sofa cover or count upholstery nails in the sofa. Eye contact is almost as difficult as speech for me.

[Indie'sOK]

I can make eye contact with my T....to a point. Small glances here and there don't bother me, but when I have to maintain it, my mind goes nuts. It's the same with anyone. Also, my T's carpet is kind of a dull gray color - same as in the rest of the building. I love my T's room. It's so small and cozy. I can just sink into the couch and make myself look smaller that way.

[~Christina]

I have a variety of things I look at in my T's office ... I really dont have any problems looking directly at him.. But hes the first T I have ever been completly honest and open with. Maybe thats why I dont have issues with eye contact .
I figure im paying him to help me fix my life so I might as well be upfront and honest ,, even tho at times its been very difficult to be this honest..
But I trust him and I am determined to help myself .

Wishing you all Peace and Love and intersting T's office carpets, rugs and wall hangings LOL

[nicoleb2]

I stare at the carpet sometimes, but it's a really boring blue/grayish commercial building carpet. I tend more often to stare at the plants she has, and I stare out the window at the sign for the building. T notices, a lot, and tries to get me to maintain eye contact, but it is really hard to for me

jbmomg - it's so awesome that your T gave you a picture of the old rug! That made me smile

My T has a very clean wooden/laminate floor going on, not so interesting to look at. I try to maintain a good amount of eye contact, but when I'm talking/thinking my gaze does wander, typically to items on her right, and I've spent a fair amount of time staring at her shoes.

[confuseduk]

Haha I love this thread! What did you do with the picture of the rug? My T's rug is beige and brown stripes, really boring but I can't look up at her

[Hugs needed]

My T has a natural Beige rug but I don't usually look at that. I look at her eyes when talking. If it's a topic that triggers things I find myself looking to the right of the T at a beach picture or down at my feet. If I look at them too long I completely zone out. T will ask me where I am and what am I feeling. When I snap out of it my eyes are back to hers.

Do you carry the picture of the rug with you to every appointment?

[rainbow8]

I can't believe I don't know what my T's rug looks like!!! That's progress for me. I've looked into my T's eyes more than I have any other T. I think it helps that her eyes are very pretty and that we have such a good relationship. I love to look in her eyes!

Still, when I'm very anxious I look elsewhere in the room. I think it also helps that she asks me to close my eyes when we're doing IFS and EMDR, which typically are about embarrassing subjects. I'm not afraid to talk when my eyes are closed. If they are open, I look around until I decide it's better to look at her.

[Indie'sOK]

Has anyone ever had a problem with the reverse - with T looking at you? Yesterday when we were doing EMDR, she told me that some clients have a hard time following her fingers because it feels like she's looking at them while they're looking elsewhere...which it does. Kind of a strange feeling! Is she looking for something in particular?

[Omers]

I have the opposite problem in the other direction... sometimes when I am talking to T and struggling but trying to make eye contact she closes HER eyes! It totally weirds me out when she just closes her eyes but continues to engage me.

[gelfling]

my t has wood floors, and a huge clock on the wall behind where i sit, a horribly cluttered desk that she tosses her notes of our session haphazardly on, a small table to her left with another clock and a small table to my right with a third clock and some rather awful plastic flowers on it. All three clocks are set to a different time. she knows i'm really uncomfortable when i start looking at the clocks in succession (is it time to go yet??) but this week she is going to be in her new office.....so it could all be different this week.

[rainbow8]

Indie's: Yes, during EMDR your T is looking for certain nonverbal cues/responses that indicate you're thinking of something different. If you do it the way I do, you're quiet until she asks what image you see or are thinking about. She asks that, or in my case, stops the buzzers when she sees that I've switched images. Not explaining this well. But she just told me this week that she's usually right but to tell her if she's not. She knows, maybe, by if I blink or look down or something. Maybe it's different when you're looking at her fingers, though. maybe not.

[unaluna]

Am I the only one who's fixated on hair? He just got a haircut... it's been a while since he got his hair cut... when is he gonna go for a haircut already?

[Omers]

OMG no!
Mine gets hers cut really short in the summer... she does it every year but it always catches me off guard. That is always an awkward session because IDK it's like it is a different person and I have to adjust all over.

I notice the hair too, Hankster & Omers!

T has great hair, always nicely styled. I appreciate that T is always well presented. To me it means that she is 'together' and 'healthy' in body and mind. I feel I can have more respect for her because it seems to me that she lives well... if I turned up to find her in sweats with greasy unkempt hair I would be dubious of her being able to help me, lol This probably makes me shallow, right?

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by hankster

Am I the only one who's fixated on hair? He just got a haircut... it's been a while since he got his hair cut... when is he gonna go for a haircut already?

NOOOO you're not the only one! I am in love with my T's hair.....or rather, her overall physical appearance She's got the most lovely brown wavy hair...

That is so awesome that your T gave you a picture of the old rug! OMG! The fact that he had one shows he knows his clients!

T didn't have the picture, he offered to take it after i made a comment a few sessions later when we were chatting "you could have taken a picture or cut me out a square" and then t said he still had the rug and offered the picture.
it is great, 8x10 glossy. hangs by my bed, calms me at night...for some weird reason i haven't had anymore bad dreams since it has been there....