[ashley22]

I just emailed my old T.
I was in therapy with her for about 2 years. Ended up hospitalized for a mental breakdown.

My breakdown had a strong transference component. I'm not saying therapy drove me nuts...but, the way in which she handled my strong transference was not the best.

After that episode, I started out with my actual therapist, who is great. But I've been having strong feelings again for my T, both old and actual.

Last week I posted "messing it up w my t" on this forum...

I was basically arguing w my T every session just to get her attention.

This may sound stupid but... my actual T is more firm, and I sometimes feel that she doesn't like me...I know she cares for me...but she doesn't show it as much as my old T did.

I'm not sure how to get my point here but...

Basically I emailed my old T because I want to be able to talk to her on a regular basis (she was ok with that)... and sort of get her "care/nurturing" ...and keep doing real therapy with my actual therapist which really gets me the results.

I have no real questions here. I just needed to post my thoughts. And maybe hear what you guys think.

Ashley

[(JD)]

OK! I think if you wish to have a contact with your former therapist that would be ok.. as long as she knows you are in therapy with another, and that your current T knows about it too? There's an ethical problem (for the Ts) if you're trying to receive therapy from both at the same time, though.

Being cared about is important for all of us. I'm glad you are now having such good feelings towards therapy. TC

[Lexicon78]

Have you thought that maybe your present T may seem so strict is because there must be defined boundaries set up? Just a thought.

Here in this state when a client is given a new therapist the ex-therapist and ex client cannot have face to face contact for one year from the date of the last therapy session. The ex client is able to write to the ex therapist during that year but the ex therapist is unable to respond to the letters, emails from the ex client for that year also. You can find out your states requirements by contacting your states board of clinical certified and licensed social workers.

[ashley22]

I'm feeling very anxious right now. My old T didn't email me back...and she is the kind of person that answers within 24 hours.
Had session with my actual T today and it was really bad. She doesn't agree about me contacting my old T.

And she also said something that really hurt me. She said that if I want full time attention I can't be in regular outpatien therapy. I think this is very unfair. I'm not just going to hospitalize myself because "I'm very attached to my therapist.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like no therapist stands me and that I'm just too much for anyone.

I know I can be very demanding. That's part of my problem. But now I'm hurting a lot.

Mybe my T is just trying to set healthy boundries. That's probably what's going on. But I can't stand them. It's just to much for me.

I need her now. I need them both, my old and actual T. I need some help.

Ashley

[samsara]

See the post immediately above yours. Your old T may be prohibited from being in contact with you.

Better that you are working with one person so that you are not in the middle of two people at cross purposes.

All the best, hopefully things will work out with your new T. Try to be cautiously optimistic, and patient, about that. Sometimes it takes a while to make the connection.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Sorry for your pain but I think your new T ...has a good point and it was not meant to hurt but she cannot be around 24 / 7 and you cannot have both therapists...Maybe your old T didnt get the email many clinics are closed today but then again maybe shes being by the rules like your new one? I dunno but hang in there with this new one..you may end up liking her

Ashley. .. Back in 2004 I had to be transitioned to a new therapist and for that next 12 months My ex therapist could not be face to face with me, could not answer any of my letters (postal or email) to her, and so on.

That year was the hardest year of my life. If my ex therapist and I hadn't prepared for it ahead of time and I didn't have the friends that I have Honestly I probably wouldn't have made it.

Im sorry your therapist is gone and is not answering your emails. Like someone else mentioned she might not have gotten the email, or like I mentioned She might not by your states mental health laws be able to repond.

Another thing - you said your present therapist wasn't happy that you contacted the ex therapist. How did she find out? If you didn't tell her you did this then the only way she could have known was if the ex therapist contacted her because she wanted the present therapist to know one- that you did that and two -possibly the content of the email was something she was concerned about.

if you didn't tell your new therapist about the email and she found out from your ex therapist then I think maybe that could mean she did answer your email - maybe not directly to you but in the only way that she legally could - by contacting your present therapist. if this is the case you now know how your ex therapist is going to handle contact from you. so where to go from here-

falling apart just to land in the hospital. I agree not the right move.

You can still write to your ex therapist until she tells you different. but if she was the one that told your therapist about the email then your other emails and letters may also be sent to your present therapist. So You might want to decide what type of content you want to send her, depending on if you want the info to be passed to your present therapist.

You can still write to and talk to your ex therapist kind of. When I am missing the therapy side of my past therapist I talk to her into a cassette tape player and close my eyes and pretend I am with her. This I learned years ago and it actually helps me to figure out how to help myself instead of depending on therapists for everything

I also keep a note book specifically for writing to her. Shes not therapist anymore. Here in this state after the one year no contact on the therapist side time frame ends the client therapist relationship is then considered legally and ethically a friendship relationship. So I write in this notebook and then rewrite the friendship stuff into a letter to give to my ex therapist now friend.

and the therapy stuff of my problems and so on? I take care of them on my own or I take them to my present therapist.

My ex therapist no matter how much I want her back therapy wise cannot be my therapist and my present therapist cannot and will not be my friend. Its taken my new therapist and I that full year to get completely comfortable with each other and know each other.

You don't have to jump right in and like and fully trust your new therapist. Most therapists don't expect that. My present therapist did not like that I was writing to my ex therapist. Basically she saw that as a clent in denial of the situation (she didn't realize there was a rule here that allowed therapy relationships to turn over into a friendship relationship, and she didn't know my ex therapist and I had prepared for the transional one year time period), a client that she thought was hurting and shutting her out and wanted to help but didn't know how, and also saw that as my not accepting her as my therapist. She spent that whole year trying to get me to open up to the fact that I had lost "FGH" and to stop denying that loss, and I spent that year repeating to her this rule about therapy relationships that turn into friendship relationship after one year, and crying on my friends shoulders by phone I hate this I want her back bla bla bla.

But the time frame did end and my ex therapist and I are now legally and ethically considered friends and can have contact with each other decided between us.

Check with your state social workers certification and licensing board, When you find out what your states time frame is mark it on a calendar. That helped me get through many rough days.