[pinkpony]

Hi ..

I'd been feeling pretty awful and when I feel that way I usually get in touch with my previous doctor (since I've got nobody else at the moment).

I text him saying how I wanted to end everything

and his response was that I've been living in misery ever since he's known me. and that instead of death I should choose to continue to "live unhappily".

His words really really hurt, because they were proof that he doesn't think there's any chance that I can live happily.

The most I can achieve is continuing to live in misery.

I feel awful

But I think he was right

for some people, maybe that is the most they can hope for.
continuing to live, not letting themselves die, even if it means living in misery.

but I don't want that .

If those are the only two options, which I think they are, why else would he have said it, he would know, he has more than 30 years of experience in the field,
If those are the only two options death is preferable.

I've been wanting to cry since last night, but I'm holding it in , all the sadness instead of letting it dissipate. It will give me strength if I need to carry out my plans.

[skysblue]

He's wrong. He's an idiot!!

Please share here more your feelings. There are a lot of good people on PC who want to hear your story.

Do not listen to that quack.

[Astridetal]

I agree he's wrong. If he were still your doctor, you could file a complaint against him for saying such an awful thing. I have been told these things by family who were fed up with me, but a health professional should really know better. Please do talk here. I'm here to listen.

I wonder why you choose to get in touch with him? what was you hoping for when you wrote him? I dont agree with what he said, and find it a strange thing for a professional to have said. I live depressed the majority of the time, suicidle idolation is my daily partner, but there are "those" times that make it all seem hopeful. They are possible to be had, perhaps you might try looking for someone that can you find what it is you need to find? Sometimes people are in the past for a reason.

[WikidPissah]

those aren't your only choices...choice 3 would be to GET BETTER. Yes it is really really really hard, but you can do it. Find yourself a T who specializes in YOU and try to live again, you can do it.

I am very skeptical of T's who attempt to practice therapy by text. Or by email. In my experience, many people completely suck at proper communication via the written word, and it's usually twice as bad when the text from when they email, and email can be much worse than writing a letter or a statement.

Sky is right, if he really meant what he said then he's a quack. I believe it is possible that he was trying to be supportive, but his intentions exceeded his aim, like my puppy when she was trying to get the whole potty training thing down. But trying to speculate on what he meant by what he said, that's impossible.

Instead I'd like to tell you that I believe very much that people can change and get better, especially with the proper support and resources. Please continue seeking the kind of T that would be best for you.

Anne

[lastyearisblank]

Hi pinkpony! Sorry you are feeling so bad.
I think 30 years of experience or no doctors are human and this is one of those times when it's more about the limits of the doctor than the limits of therapy or working on yourself to heal you. Doctors get frustrated like everyone else and come up with these pronouncements. But you should absolutely, absolutely not take it as a statement on you. What he was saying was more about his ability to help you, than you.

I have heard doctors say this before, that you "need to live with this," and it hurts a lot. You must have been in a lot of pain to reach out to your doc and I want to send you a hug even though it probably might not help, ok? But just remember that this moment will pass, it is not everything. Life has so many ups and downs. It is a pity that your doctor decided to pour salt on the wound and i hope you guys can figure out a way to actually improve things rather than keep feeling life is so difficult and painful.

Good luck! There is hope for you ok! Keep posting and keep fighting!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by pinkpony

His words really really hurt, because they were proof that he doesn't think there's any chance that I can live happily.

Nope, he didn't say that. He said you can continue to live unhappily, but he didn't say that was the only option for you. Maybe there are changes you can make with the help of a therapist, a psychiatrist, your family and close friends, etc. that will help you live more happily. I'm not trying to defend your doc, as I think he gave you a crappy reply, but I don't think he said what you say he did.

I do think it is inappropriate of him to text a former client about such important matters. Texts (and emails) can so easily be misconstrued, as has happened here. I think you should be contacting a current provider, but you are the client and not the professional, so you may not know that texting a former provider will probably not be helpful and may exceed the bounds of your present relationship with him. Plus, you may have nowhere else to turn so you gave this a try. (Good for you for reaching out to someone!) But your former doc is a professional and he should know that he should not be texting you, especially the words he did, which could be misconstrued, and at the very least, are NOT helpful.

What can you do to get some support in your life--people who can help you now? Have you ever seen a therapist? I think it might be really helpful to have a therapist who you can work with you on making your life happier.

Originally Posted by pinkpony

If those are the only two options death is preferable.

Just remember, he did not say there are only two options. It sounds like you are trying to use his words to help you justify choosing death. Please, don't! You deserve a happier life. I hope you can find a therapist who can help you with making your life what you want it to be. In the mean time, if you feel unsafe, can you call a crisis line for immediate support? Is the doctor you texted a psychiatrist? If so, he may be able to give you some names of therapists you could contact. (If you want referrals from him, though, can you try calling rather than texting?)

Best of luck to you, pinkpony. I hope you can find a therapist. Until then, or in any case, can you try to hold your own vision for a happy future in mind? And don't pay any more attention to that text!

[ECHOES]

Wait a second. This is what he said:

his response was that I've been living in misery ever since he's known me. and that instead of death I should choose to continue to "live unhappily"

And this is what you are saying:

The most I can achieve is continuing to live in misery.

I feel awful

But I think he was right

for some people, maybe that is the most they can hope for.
continuing to live, not letting themselves die, even if it means living in misery.

but I don't want that .

If those are the only two options, which I think they are, why else would he have said it, he would know, he has more than 30 years of experience in the field,
If those are the only two options death is preferable.

Those are the options you see at the moment. They are the conclusion you make, based on your perceptions and experiences.

We are the way we are because it is the only way we know how to be.
This is the exactly what psychotherapy can help with.

[pegasus]

Well, either this Doctor is an arsehole or he was attempting to do REBT (rational emotive behavioural therapy) on you, which is a harsher version of CBT. Basically it's a type of therapy that makes you really think, a do it or die approach. Of course there are many options inbetween living unhappily and death. I don't believe anyone lives their entire life unhappy, there will be pockets of joy here and there at the least.

I don't know, I could be completely off the mark, maybe someone got hold of his cell phone and just decided to be really mean.

Hugs

[pinkpony]

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I've read on here that professionals don't stay in touch with former clients, but he never said anything about it that's why I'm still in contact with him. I was actually relieved he didnt say such a thing coz then who would I turn to?

Maybe he is an asshole and a quack, but I'm not able to judge my doctors objectively until I've found a replacement. Right now he seems like this god-like figure who knows everything.

I messaged him today to ask him if that was what he meant, but as usual got no response. (he's very sporadic in his responses).

I'm looking for someone to replace him but have had no luck. Besides, no matter who I go to, if they're being honest, they'll tell me the exact same thing he told me.

[ECHOES]

Besides, no matter who I go to, if they're being honest, they'll tell me the exact same thing he told me.

Not true. Psychotherapists don't judge. They help you get to where you want to be.

[PTSDlovemycats]

That seems like a rather flippant comment to me. You can have a happier life it will just take a lot of effort and hard work. Sending you positive vibes...

I think that was a really crappy thing for him to say. I DO think maybe you don't see all your options at this time, either. I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping in contact with former T's but if all you get from him is judgement why bother? You can find someone with a bit of empathy and help you find other options, like maybe some happiness. I hope you can find another T soon.