[Wren_]

This is something my T was asking about recently, the question of if I kept a journal (and since I don't, if it would help). I've seen others mention keeping one, including writing about T sessions in them or sharing them within sessions sometimes. Mine hasn't said anything about sharing it ever, it was more as a possible tool. I've tried in the past and seem to stop very quickly because I don't know what to write and because I have too much to write; also because (and I think this is the deal breaker) I'm scared of what might come out and being left alone with it when it does. So, do you write in one, and what do you write about? do you share it with your T? how do you cope with being alone with what you write? for those who keep them, does it help? (and how). Thanks

[nicoleb2]

I used to journal. My T asked me to stop though, because what I would write about made me feel worse, and then the writing would get more and more scary to the point that I was suicidal.
Some days, I wish I could journal, a lot of days recently, but I know that for now at least, i am better off not

[Salmacis]

I do keep one... and it does help. I'm terribly forgetful from day to day what I was feeling and what might be considered triggers for me, so writing my thoughts (both good & nasty) seems to jog my memory. Also, it appears to be a bit "releasing" as those thoughts are no longer inside me, but outside of me.

Initially, I let my T read what I wrote, but now I just verbally tell her as I skim my journal.

Salmacis

[Hope-Full]

Yes, I keep a journal. It has been a very helpful tool for me, not just now, but through many times in my life.

I often find that what I write in my journal helps me process my work with my T. Sometimes, it stays in the journal, sometimes, I end up finding I have specific questions or topics that keep coming up, and I take that as a hint to address them with T. There are some entries in my journal that I have never gone back to re-read (I mark them with a specific character) as they were very raw and emotional, and I'm not in a space to revisit that experience.

When I'm particularly stressed, I actually write letters to my T in my journal. Occasionally, I will end up reading a letter to her, but usually, they are just another way for me to get things out. I sometimes end up writing a series of letters during the space between appointments, and will often take and condense them into one letter the night before an appointment, to help me focus on what I want to bring to the table to discuss. Sometimes I end up reading excerpts of that letter, other times, it just helps me to get focused and prepared for an appointment.

After my appointment, I like to use my journal to capture any bits of wisdom I don't want to forget (I usually do this in the parking lot before I've even left!) and then later, may go back and try to summarize the appointment, or at least capture how I was feeling, and what might have brought that feeling out.

All that said? Journaling is just a tool for me - I need my T (as much as possible these days!) and journaling does not by any means replace that. It helps me to stay a bit more in the zone between appointments.

I am using an online journal that is actually encrypted with 24-bit security, and if I lose my password, I lose the journal, because the company can't even access my account (same strength as military security!) It's great because I can access it from my iphone

Here's a great link about journaling by Ryan Howes on Psychology Today's website: Journaling In Therapy (I find his blog, In Therapy, very insightful!)

[BlessedRhiannon]

Yes. I find that journaling helps me tremendously...especially with anxiety. When I'm particularly anxious, I try to hold on to so many different thoughts, that I just get overwhelmed, but by writing them in my journal, I don't have to hold them in my brain anymore. Journaling also allows me to reflect on things and put thoughts in to words.

For me, writing is a much easier method of expression. It allows me to think about what I need to say, and to find the right words to express emotions. It allows me to get all my thoughts out of my head, and then I can go back and look through it and see what's really going on. Once my T figured out that I'm a writer, she encouraged me to journal and I will often read her parts of entries when I get stuck for words in a session. I don't really think of it as being alone with what I write, because I know that if I need to, I can share it with my T. Sometimes, I'll start writing and realize that it's something I need to really get rid of, not just write about...in those cases, I'll either type it all in an email to T, or rip out the page (or re-copy to another sheet) and burn the paper, to just "let go" of the thoughts. I've found that watching those words go up in smoke is very freeing for me.

My T never requires me to read her my entries. It's always my option, and I can pick what part of an entry to read to her. Sometimes, especially with the difficult stuff, even reading the journal entry is hard! If I get stuck when talking, my T will ask if it's something I've written about, and if I'd like to read that instead...sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no!

[Wren_]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I used to journal. My T asked me to stop though, because what I would write about made me feel worse, and then the writing would get more and more scary to the point that I was suicidal.
Some days, I wish I could journal, a lot of days recently, but I know that for now at least, i am better off not

That's one concern as I said; that I worry that I'd feel worse (and then be alone with it) ... I hope you are able to again at some point when it is safer to

Originally Posted by Salmacis

I do keep one... and it does help. I'm terribly forgetful from day to day what I was feeling and what might be considered triggers for me, so writing my thoughts (both good & nasty) seems to jog my memory. Also, it appears to be a bit "releasing" as those thoughts are no longer inside me, but outside of me.

Initially, I let my T read what I wrote, but now I just verbally tell her as I skim my journal.

Salmacis

That's great it works for you salmacis So if part of it is for memory, does that mean you read back what you wrote? Does doing that help also?

[Salmacis]

Thanks, Tigergirl! I do read back through it later. It's helpful to see whatever progress/regression I've made in order to know what I need to work on. Alternatively, sometimes I feel like a complete moron for some of the thoughts I've written down... LOL... but if I'm capable of good humor at the time, it makes me able to laugh at myself a bit. Not the worst thing ever. :-)

[Wysteria]

Hi Tigergirl,

Yes, I've journaled for years...Funny thing is that I almost canNOT journal on paper and definitely NOT on fancy journaling paper or books! Can't stand to mess them up!! I always journal on the computer where I can free flow my ideas or what's going on in my day and then after it is all out...I tend to re-read it and begin to cut and paste the relevant stuff together so I begin to see patterns or important ideas that are percolating.. My mind is often swirling with thoughts and emotions that just get bigger and badder until I get them out and onto the paper. Sometimes it is almost a necessity..

Then I often will add to them or begin to fill them in using just the right words that I want to use to describe what's going on. I can't do that orally as I'm just not as good a communicator in that way. I also have a two page list of emotions that I use for reference to make sure that I dig through and get very specific within my mind as to what is exactly going on. I used to send my journals to my T or at least segments of them to him to read so that he already knew what had been going on with me before I ever hit the door, and we could just take off running in our sessions together.

I haven't been journaling as much lately, and it has hurt me personally and I think slowed down my therapy as well... I still write him some emails sometimes as to what is going on and some of the bigger issues, but it is not as detailed, and I do spend more time letting him know what is going on rather than talking about issues or problems. I desperately want to start the habit again. I think it has to be a habit and ingrained and practiced regulary to really work...

I don't normally go back...but every once in a while..when I know life is bringing up the same lesson, but perhaps in a different form...I will search back for where I dealt with it before looking for what was going on and even what T said then to help me make it better... I also sometimes use it for reference especially with family members with faulty memories like mine... Most of the time..it just remains locked up for my own reference or sense of well-being and accomplishment.

Don't know if this helps or not...

Huggles,

Wysteria Blue

[SilentLucidity]

I journal and how I have done it has changed over time. I have only been in therapy for five months. At first I found it difficult so I just wrote down bullet points, quotes that I found poignant, song lyrics I liked, stuff like that. Eventually that morphed into me setting up my journal by weeks Tuesday - Monday (I meet with T on Tuesday so I consider that the start of my journal week.)

Now I start off week by writing down any homework T gives me or things she just wants me to focus on. I have a routine of going to a cafe after my Tuesday evening appt. with T, while I enjoy my coffee or dinner I journal about our session; what we talked about, how I felt about it, things I wish I would have said, whatever comes to mind. then I try to journal a bit every day. To be honest I haven't been to good about that, but I am working on it.

Mondays I sit down go back through the weeks entries and jot down a list of things I want to talk about in session if any. I also log how much sleep I have been averaging for the week because I have had some pretty big insomnia issues and it helps to log it somewhere.

Is it helpful? For me, yes it is. It allows me a place to write down my innermost thoughts that I just really don't share with people. For me it is an outlet. I am going through a rough time right now and my journal is saving my life. I am pouring out all kinds of things that I just wouldn't have time to do in a session. I am just overflowing with stuff right now.

I am also beginning to notice that it is getting easier for me to share my thoughts and feelings out loud in session. I think that is because I have been sharing them with my journal rather than just constantly ruminating over them.

Hi Tigergirl
I journal as often as I remember to. Sometimes I show it to T. I can write my deepest fears without worrying about anyone's reaction. I have DID so journaling is very important in figuring out my system. I have been shocked and frightened by things I find written (if I've forgotten I wrote them) but seeing my T 3 times a week helps with the fear. Recently, I haven't journaled because the depression has a firm grip on me. I feel silly indulging in journaling. We're about to have out phone/internet shut off for non payment, and I feel so helpless journaling would just make me wallow.

[Wren_]

Hope-full thanks very much for sharing your experiences It helps reading about your coding system and the way you use your journal in relation to your therapy sessions and knowing it's an extra tool rather than replacement. For some reason I can't get the link you shared to open at all; I tried googling it as well and it wouldn't open for me from there either hopefully it works later as I'd like to read that. Would you be able to share what you use for an online journal (if not, that's ok), the military security aspect sounds great though.

Rhi, that's great journalling and therapy as a mix works so well for you and lets you deal with your anxiety. I like the way your T works within it as well with letting you share what you are comfortable with and being ok with you not sharing unless you do feel that comfort. Interesting to read also about letting words "go", could be powerful to do that and really watch them go in ways more than just pressing "delete".

Salmacis, thanks for sharing that. So humour works when reading back, ok I suppose to read back would require feeling safe at the time and feeling in good humour to deal with the things that were hard to write and to deal with those moronic moments (which I know I have lots of).

[Wren_]

Wysteria yes it does help, thanks It helps hearing that others have trouble with "messing" up journals. I have so many notebooks I've bought over the years including some nice looking journals that never get used partly for that reason. So knowing I'm not alone in that is reassuring somehow. You mentioned not journalling as much lately, do you know why that is or what's keeping you from it? faulty memories, yes I relate to that.

SilentLucidity, I'm so glad your journal is helping so much right now. It seems almost like a lifeline of sorts as a way of dealing with the overflow of thoughts that have been coming. that's really encouraging also that you can see the impact keeping the journal has had in being able to share in a session; and how you've seen what a help it is to you both in therapy and in life.

Calista is it really an indulgance when it's helping you to work through different things and to help with working out what is going inside for all of you? I hope you don't lose your internet connection with so much going on for you I know the support from being online can be such a help at times

Originally Posted by Wysteria

I always journal on the computer where I can free flow my ideas or what's going on in my day and then after it is all out...I tend to re-read it and begin to cut and paste the relevant stuff together so I begin to see patterns or important ideas that are percolating.. My mind is often swirling with thoughts and emotions that just get bigger and badder until I get them out and onto the paper. Sometimes it is almost a necessity..

This is similar to my experience, that somehow journaling on the computer allows me to access something more than just my conscious mind. I often have that swirling with thoughts and emotions thing going on as a sit down at the computer, and journaling just helps to settle me down. I have not, although I think it's amazing that you can do that, gone back to the journal to organize, fill in, better express yourself. That's incredible and shows a wonderful ability to sit with what you've written and work with it. I'm not there yet.

I started journaling early in my therapy the first time, almost 20 years ago. I think I started spontaneously because I needed to do something in between therapy sessions or I felt like I was going to implode. I triggered the bejeezus out of myself back then, tipping myself into desperate states. But it helped me develop healthier coping strategies and as the old saying goes, what does not kill you makes you stronger. I would give my journal to my T but he never said anything about anything I'd written. By the time I was done with that round of therapy, I think I had around 800 pages of single spaced "material." I shredded it several years ago as much of it was too raw and weepy to reflect either my actual experience or where I am right now in my life. I'm not sorry about that.

Now in round 3 of therapy, my T did suggest journaling early on, I think because I mentioned that it had helped me way back when. I had a lot of anxiety when I first shared it with him, probably around trust issues and because I thought my words might literally kill him, or poison him. I bring it in every 2 weeks or so and it's never terribly long -- maybe 10 or so single spaced pages. He sometimes mentions what I've written or he gives me a sense of where he thinks I've changed (or stayed the same) by referring to my journal. For me, I feel like it's a way to be more open and intimate with him than I can be in 1 hour talking, even if I am using all of that time efficiently. Once he has said, I think it would be useful to look at this issue you wrote about in your journal, when you're ready.

I guess my major reaction to you, tigergirl, is that journaling is work, it's not for everybody, and to be able to do it, you do have to find it bearable to be able to sit with feelings and/or memories and/or thoughts by yourself. I am in a way different place when I began journaling 20 years ago. Now I can be raw without being triggered, but I can also create some distance between the rawness and what I'm trying to understand. Sometimes I can write about it with humor and/or humility. Sometimes I can even write about it with empathy for myself. And then there are times when everything spins out of control, but I've learned that I can handle it and rein myself in. All of it has been positive for me and journaling has really helped me grow in all kinds of ways.

There are times when I sit down to journal and I definitely want to write about something. Yesterday I wanted to write about a dream I had and I just needed to capture it in my journal before it slipped through the yawning cracks in my mind. Sometimes I sit there and create a space of mindfulness, and allow something to emerge. I notice that when I journal from this space, not only is the "thing" more bearable, but what comes out of it is usually important stuff that I hadn't been aware of before. Othertimes, I just have fun with it, like recounting an interlude from a session with a kind of poking at my T and/or myself in ways that make me laugh. As a vehicle for expression, what I like about journaling is that I can approach it in any way that I want, I can write for as little or as much as I want, there are no rules, and I can usually silence my internal critic from hell long enough to say what I want or need to say.

Good gawd, I do go on and on. You can see how journaling would work for me . . .

Anne

[Astridetal]

I journal online an don the computer. The problem is that most times my journal entries are spread out between numerou sonline journals and offline journals, so that it's very hard to find a concise flow of things.

[Wren_]

Anne, you made me smile at the end of your post ... yes you go on but it's all good, so never stop! It was good to read about your journalling experiences and how they've changed over the last 20 years; and what you said about mindfulness, I guess I need to look at that again

I guess my major reaction to you, tigergirl, is that journaling is work, it's not for everybody, and to be able to do it, you do have to find it bearable to be able to sit with feelings and/or memories and/or thoughts by yourself

this really is the part that worries me, the being by myself with my feelings especially when i'm uncovering them even more than just the thinking them

Thanks Astridetal I would find it hard keeping track of so many different journals also although I can see where they would all be good to start and write in

I write a journal of sorts as entries online. (I'm not sure if we're allowed to link or name sites here, but I will just say that it is a goal-oriented site, and I find it quite helpful in charting my progress or lack thereof.)

I used to write in a sort of diary, but I too have the fear of messing up nice new notebooks (I also have a stack of sketchbooks I don't dare to use!)

I do have a notebook I take to therapy, for the times she's set me some kind of homework, and for taking notes on important points relating to handouts or books she's lent me.

[Wren_]

I think it's ok on posting links to a journaling site (http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=3643 - guidelines on linking) as long as it isn't another kind of community like this one and you aren't just advertising which you aren't doing here.

Seems as though a few of us share that fear of messing up new notebooks i wonder why that is, and why those who don't have that fear, don't have it

[Butterflies Are Free]

Yes, I journal and try to almost every day. Sometimes I journal about what is happening in my life, sometimes I write poetry, sometimes I write about dreams or what has happened in a session with my T. I have copied certain parts of my journal and given them to my T to read.

[skeksi]

I journaled regularly before I started T, but it was mostly a chronicle of how terrible I felt. There wasn't a lot of insight. Now that I am in T, I make a point of writing down what we discussed in as much detail as I can. Then I usually write once or twice during the week--usually to reflect on what I discussed with T, and to make note of anything else that was important to me during the week. I review it before each session and it helps me remember what's going on with me emotionally.

At my T's suggestion, I began using art to express the feelings I had that words couldn't capture. Now I dabble in what some people call "art journaling" or "visual journaling," which combines art and journaling for a fuller picture of what's going on for me.

[Perna]

I started keeping a successful journal after going through Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way and using her "Morning Pages" technique: http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/

[Wren_]

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

Yes, I journal and try to almost every day. Sometimes I journal about what is happening in my life, sometimes I write poetry, sometimes I write about dreams or what has happened in a session with my T. I have copied certain parts of my journal and given them to my T to read.

That's great it works for you butterflies

Originally Posted by skeksi

I journaled regularly before I started T, but it was mostly a chronicle of how terrible I felt. There wasn't a lot of insight. Now that I am in T, I make a point of writing down what we discussed in as much detail as I can. Then I usually write once or twice during the week--usually to reflect on what I discussed with T, and to make note of anything else that was important to me during the week. I review it before each session and it helps me remember what's going on with me emotionally.

At my T's suggestion, I began using art to express the feelings I had that words couldn't capture. Now I dabble in what some people call "art journaling" or "visual journaling," which combines art and journaling for a fuller picture of what's going on for me.

hi skeksi, that's great the journaling is helping with your T sessions; but what is even more interesting (at least to me) is the idea of the art journaling; how does that work? do you draw pictures or paint or something else in your journal?

Originally Posted by Perna

I started keeping a successful journal after going through Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way and using her "Morning Pages" technique: http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/

thanks perna, interesting link and that's really good you've found what works for you

[skeksi]

[quote=tigergirl;2024530]hi skeksi, that's great the journaling is helping with your T sessions; but what is even more interesting (at least to me) is the idea of the art journaling; how does that work? do you draw pictures or paint or something else in your journal?[quote]

Here is a Flickr group with some examples of what people can do!

[Wren_]

thanks a lot for the link really interesting to see ... makes me wish I could draw or paint or something useful

[Hope-Full]

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...ing-in-therapy

See if this full link works? I really like this blogger - all of his posts (and I think I have read every single one!) have offered insight of sorts into the whole messy journey of therapy. He has another great article - 21 tips for clients in psychotherapy (linked in the first article) that is also helpful.

Hope it works this time, if not, PM me and I'll see what I can figure out!

[Wren_]

thanks, now it works ... not sure why it wouldn't the other day from any link I found but glad it is opening now thanks hope-full