HAD TO MAKE 911 CALL TO T.....

FEELING LIKE THE EARTH IS SUCKING ME IN UNDERNEATH IT AND I HAVE NO WAY OUT.
I AM NOT WELL RIGHT NOW.........

Tell me someone is with you at the moment or that help is on the way.

ok...I am surrounded by people. I am trying...

(((sj))) When did you call T.. and have you spoken yet? Do the people around you know you are struggling?

Don't be afraid to make a 911 call in general. Please take care of yoursel and be safe!

No call back from T...just a little measly text.
Probably no longer cares about me because I wasn't too nice to her this morning.
In the meantime frigging pdoc office called that she wants me to go see and I set appt up but not till next Thurs.
Who knows if I will even go.
I get mad at the world then mad at myself.
Borderline Personality Disorder is NO GAME!
And, right now all I see is BLACK...

Hang in there. We all care about you.

{{{{{{sj}}}}}

Please hang in there. I'm here for you when you need me! Try to stay safe. Remember, I'm just a monitor away!

Hang in there bud.

Hours have gone by. I have called my T begging her to call me. I have texted her begging her to call...
Still nothing.
I am trying to stay safe on her behalf knowing how much she cares...
But I may have pushed her away this morning so I am so mad at my illness and how it makes me think and how it makes me react.
Dammit..I hate my illness...
Still maintaining safety.

Hang On....(I know how trite that sounds)...but please just hang in there...T's have lives too and sometimes they can't get back to you immediately...but your T will respond ASAP....calming thoughts being sent your way
Grace

TY Grace. Keeping it together as best as I can.
Tomorrow maybe things will look better/calmer...
At least right now I can think about tomorrow!

Sigh. Did you call T more than once? Remember how I've said my T insists I call again, as modern technology often doesn't work... I would call again. NOW. But I'm proud of you for getting through this day already

_sky...thanks for your care.
I called and called. Left messages, texted her.
If she doesn't have a clue I needed a call back by now there isn't another phone call that will make a difference.
I am starting to see it is part of my illness that gets me this low and then freaks me out w/ my abandonment issues.
I hold on now w/ bated breath hoping to hear from her. Even a text at this point would help calm me down and I would feel better knowing she is still out there caring.

Aw sorry to hear this ((sj)) what is your plan for getting through the night safely? Do you have a local hospital that you could go to, just to sit in the ER waiting area, or talk with a social worker on staff?

Right now I am just @ home.
Praying my T calls...
Almost staying safe just to be sure I don't miss her call if she does call.
I have no one else to call. I refuse to go to ER/hospital.

((((((((((((((((((sj)))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry your t has not called you back yet. Please consider going to the hospital if you need to.

It's perfectly fine to go to ER to just talk with social worker. That's usually free, anyway, in USA. If you say you just need to be around people in a safe place, and want to sit and ? watch the tv or something, that might work. I hope if you feel desperate in the middle of the night, that you will be able to do that for yourself. TC

In my own experience going to ER in the past when feeling unsafe was not pleasant. The SWs for the Crisis Center are not friendly. They just want to lock you up and get you out of their way.

As for today...I have decided to go into the office to keep busy in the morning. Then...I will go shopping w/ my Xmas Gift Certs then last night I called my sister to ask if we could do dinner and I could spend time w/ Megan...who is just 7 weeks old.
SO...as bad as I am feeling I am kind of proud that I have decided to stay busy and stay out of trouble.
No call back at all from T. But, I am going to try and not be so consumed w/ that today!

(((((((sj)))))))))))) how are you doing? thinking of you

I am hanging on. I finally got a text from my therapist this morning...so I feel better knowing she has not left me.
I am staying busy.
Thanks for caring...that helps!

I am glad your therapist got back with you. That must have been agonizing waiting on her. I hope being with your sister helps.

I am glad that you heard from your T and are keeping busy. I hope tonight goes better for you than last night.

OK on the not going to ER. sigh. Glad your T finally contacted you..and hope all is well on that now. I also hope tonight is even better. TC