self acceptance

Maybe there is a problem with the term self-acceptance.

For example, i accept that human nature is fallen and that people will , IDK, push in front of you in traffic instead of letting you go - so in a sense i accept it - but I don't like it - so in a sense I do not accept it.

If I have a physical limitation of some kind, I accept it - there it is - but I suppose it's natural to wish it wasn't so; that's not "accepting" is it?

If I have a psychological difficulty - something in my past which I did and which has left lasting damage on me - I know it, boy do I know it, and if that is acceptance then i accept it; but do I like myself the person who is like that? No. And there's no self acceptance there.

does that make any sense?

Your first example is about others and we are talking about self acceptance. Your second example is about physical acceptance but there is a deeper core acceptance.

Your last example is right on. And yes, you are not accepting yourself in this example.

I'm thinking unconditional love here. You must have received conditional love? (And I know that you don't like these probing questions so it was just for you, not for public answering).

i don't mind probing questions, as long as it is my T who is doing the probing. She's a professional

I think that all three are related, insofar as they describe "acceptance" in two different senses.

What are the 2 different senses?

Weren't you the one who was talking about feeling like a puppy who got slapped on the nose with a newspaper? Do you realize that this ^ is what this is above? This isn't the first time that you have done this to me either. I remember one time when it was a really hard slap. And then you put the smiley there.

I can appreciate you protecting yourself. Just wanted to get this out in the open.

this is off topic. completely. sorry

I'm blocking you. I don't need abuse.

acceptance in the sense of, yes I realize that is the reality
acceptance in the sense of, I embrace this, I take it as it is, it's fine.

I see a difference there.

Self-acceptance is tied to shame I believe. Shame at not being a better person. How can I accept myself when I know there is a standard that I'm not meeting? I can look around myself and see people who are much more compassionate, loving, giving, sympathetic, kind and so on.

The imagery that sticks in my mind is the Mother Teresa model. My T tries to convince me that meeting my own needs is not being selfish. I can agree with her on a cognitive level but deep inside myself I believe that I should deny myself for another's good. And I'm not able to do that wholeheartedly and when I do, I feel resentment.

So, how can I engage in self-acceptance when I fail to meet the minimum standards of being a good person? To me, that is being a liar and glossing over the truth.

My T tries to explain to me that that is not glossing over the truth but putting the 'lacks' into proportion to the whole. So, I guess we have a mathematics problem here. What percentage of the whole can be used for the flaws before the flaws are the dominant? But then each quality can be weighted which throws the equation into a complicated mess. (Any mathematicians here who can help develop a scale of worthiness?)

I discussed this a bit on another thread http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=191937

Right now I am doing a kind of grudging self-acceptance. I'm relishing my badness and accepting that I can't be God. The whole question of humanness arises.

I think it's a question of wanting to be able to love and to receive love in its fullest. ""You live that you may learn to love. You love that you may learn to live. No other lesson is required of Man." (The Book of Mirdad)

So, when the small parts of myself - the greedy, the selfish, the judgmental, the lazy, the self-indulgent, and on and on exist, how can I realistically accept myself? All of those negative qualities prevent me from experiencing love as it's meant to be experienced.

"Love is not a virtue. Love is a necessity; more so than bread and water; more so than light and air."

And this "necessity" of which I'm barred because of my own failings causes deep pain. Self-acceptance? Not possible because it may inhibit my continual striving for that which we all seek - Love.

One last bit of info here. SAWE you said that my concern was off topic, I beg to differ. You say that you cannot accept yourself because of "negative" things that you do (I can't remember the exact word that you used). When someone brings a concern to another person, one would hope that a person would think of the other person first. "How did what I do or say affect you?" I think that you go into defense mode and go on attack to protect your self worth. We are not bad people because we can do bad things. I think that you thinking that you are bad because you go on attack keeps you from taking responsibility for your attack.

I brought a concern to you and you brushed it aside. This is not taking responsibility for your actions.

This is so relevent to the discussion here. You are wondering how to accept yourself and here we have an example where you refuse to look at what you have done. You have to look before you can accept. You have to accept before you can move forward.

I come here to help people and you look at me like I'm an enemy...........

I agree that our inadequacies should not be our focus - otherwise it's also a self-indulgent exercise. But being aware of them is helpful in our striving for improvement, I believe.

Sannah, you indicated in your own post that you knew how i was likely to receive your "probe". IMO your "probing" is not structured and purposeful like a therapist's would be; you like to probe, that's all. It doesn't make you "an enemy" but why probe in this particular place when you already know how it will be taken.

I haven't "done" anything. I opened this thread quoting a particular paragraph from Jung and asking for comments. Not for a discussion on defense mechanisms; not for your comments about me. If you have something to say about the Jung quote, that would be very welcome.

She was just being very straightforward, the same way as you were being to her.

People do not have to answer other people's probing questions. Probing questions from people on message boards who cannot really know each other can easily go in the wrong direction. I know people often think your questions are very helpful Sannah, and I have thought so sometimes too. But it is not irresponsible for someone to choose not to answer your questions when one does not believe they are leading in the right direction (or for any other reason one may not want to respond).

But sitting, I was responded to that Jung qoutation and you felt I was hijacking your thread? Jung talked about christ, I pointed out in my opinon there is only humaness, I feel your playing switch and bait here. My experience of you is yoru very rude. Projecting your unaccepted parts of yourself onto others that get caught in your "web" isn't nice. I hope you work out whatever it is that is terrifying you about yourself.

my web?! (aren't you very new to PC?) that's it, I'm done. You post away, if you don't want to start a thread of your own, take this one wherever you want; I am outta here.

Whose standard?

I had no problem with her not answering my question. I have a problem with her giving me a jab and then when I mention that she gave me a jab she won't address it. It's a little passive/aggressive.

I don't probe just to probe. I don't have time for that. I only probe to help people see things. Most people post here to get help in moving forward. Since you don't want my help I'll put you back on my ignore list so that I won't waste my time and I won't bother you anymore. Good luck on your healing journey.

Can you all take it outside?

I'd second that request. I know that it's my choice to open this thread or not, and that I can ignore it if I choose. You are not responsible for the discomfort that I feel about how this thread has turned out, because there seems to be some other stuff being hashed out than what is explicitly written here. I am asking you to let it go and stop posting in this thread, but I also understand that you do not have to comply with my request.

Anne