[granite1]

just so i can go to t on monday and have her tell me she isnt going to be thare next monday.
i am really beginning to hate monday holidays.it's whatever

[Sannah]

We have a Monday holiday coming up? How was your trip granite?

[granite1]

ya it is columbus day monday the 10th

my trip was very relaxing.i had a great time

[Sannah]

So glad to hear that you had a great time. Who besides the post office takes Columbus day off?

[granite1]

my t and any other monday holiday that comes up

[skysblue]

Boy, I'd move out of the Monday slot if I were you. That's too tough to take.

[childofyen]

Welcome back! I'm glad you had a good time and got to relax. I'm a Monday kid now too, I feel ya. Is there any way to switch days? I know how hard it is. I hope you can enjoy the chance to see her this week at least.

[granite1]

my t brought up the monday thing and i said i was getting use to my monday holidays and all she said was that she knows monday sessions were her decision and it was ok and she know it stinks and can feel like abandonment..geee thanks T but she didnt offer to change it at all.i dont think she wants to i think she likes these breaks from me it probibly is what is keeping her from making me hit the road.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Boy, I'd move out of the Monday slot if I were you. That's too tough to take.

i wish i could but it seems she wants to keep me on mondays.

[unaluna]

I was trying to be politically correct, I had a folder of all the bank holidays for work, so I marked the one in October, "Indigent Persons Day" and my guys told me, that's indigenous peoples, genius! Anyway welcome back granite!

[rainbow_rose]

granite! missed you! welcome back!

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow_rose

granite! missed you! welcome back!

thanks it is so awsome to feel so welcomed

[googley]

Hi Granite!
I'm glad you had a good vacation.

Have you specifically asked your T about changing days? Have you said "I want to change the day of the week I see you?" She might be waiting for you to speak up about what you want. You can talk about how it sucks that the sessions keep getting cancelled, but she can't know that you want to switch if you don't say it. If you don't say anything she may assume that you don't want to change days.

[granite1]

thanks googly
im in such a bad mood todaythat all i can say about her waiting for me to ask is i am sick of that kind of game so if i have the option to change days and i complain about how i hate mondays it is so stupid of her to not say that i have the option to change it is just common sence .in real life if i have an option of something it is usually offered to me unless it isnt an option . i'm just crabby and sick of things.sorry.T's want us to be so straight foward but then they do stupid things like this and play stupid little games like i'm ok if you want something but im not going to offer it because i want you to beg me for it and make me feel like i am making some kind of huge sacerfice for you.it is just stupid.if changing the day is an option why not offer and then allow me to make the decision.i hate her right now

Granite, she's not playing a game with you. She's not trying to make you beg. Why are you unable to ask for such a simple thing? Is it that you are afraid the answer will be no, she doesn't have an available time that will work for you? True, that might be the case, but unless you specifically ask her about it so you can have that conversation with her, you will never know. This is just called being assertive. And yes, it is a very important skill that T's obviously want us to learn. Don't make this into some kind of battle of the wills. Ask for what you need. Take care of your needs.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by granite1

ut she didnt offer to change it at all.

you can ask. You are not bound to Mondays at all, Granite. As a matter of fact,you can TELL her - that you can't do Mondays any more, this is not working for you - and the two of you need to work out another schedule. I just had something come up at work that caused me to tell my T the same, and she was vey accomodating.

(welcome back, hope your vacation was wonderful!)

[granite1]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Granite, she's not playing a game with you. She's not trying to make you beg. Why are you unable to ask for such a simple thing? Is it that you are afraid the answer will be no, she doesn't have an available time that will work for you? True, that might be the case, but unless you specifically ask her about it so you can have that conversation with her, you will never know. This is just called being assertive. And yes, it is a very important skill that T's obviously want us to learn. Don't make this into some kind of battle of the wills. Ask for what you need. Take care of your needs.

i have just never been able to even open my mouth to ask for what i need.i know this is hard to believe but it is true.i will just deal with whatever things are.i don't have to like it at all but i cant seem to be smart enough to just open my mouth and say anything or ask for anything.I'm not turning it into a battle in fact i am sure my T has no idea how strongly i feel about this.the battle is only within myself as it always is.i don't think i could ever risk letting my T know any of it.yes i am scared of her reaction.it isn't even the no that i am afraid of.it is letting her know that i even have any feelings about not seeing her or that i even care one way or another. god i feel if she knew that i cared even a little she would be completely repulsed by it or just think it is so absurd that she would just laugh and that would crush me.i would rather say nothing.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

you can ask. You are not bound to Mondays at all, Granite. As a matter of fact,you can TELL her - that you can't do Mondays any more, this is not working for you - and the two of you need to work out another schedule. I just had something come up at work that caused me to tell my T the same, and she was vey accomodating.

(welcome back, hope your vacation was wonderful!)

i know she only is in her office monday ,tuesday and wednsday.so i have no idea if i truely am stuck with mondays.i am just mad because it is another holiday i'm sure i will get over it i always do

[karebear1]

Originally Posted by granite1

i have just never been able to even open my mouth to ask for what i need.i know this is hard to believe but it is true.i will just deal with whatever things are.i don't have to like it at all but i cant seem to be smart enough to just open my mouth and say anything or ask for anything.I'm not turning it into a battle in fact i am sure my T has no idea how strongly i feel about this.the battle is only within myself as it always is.i don't think i could ever risk letting my T know any of it.yes i am scared of her reaction.it isn't even the no that i am afraid of.it is letting her know that i even have any feelings about not seeing her or that i even care one way or another. god i feel if she knew that i cared even a little she would be completely repulsed by it or just think it is so absurd that she would just laugh and that would crush me.i would rather say nothing.

Oh Granite- you remind me so much of myself! I have experienced these very thoughts throughout the 2 years I've been with my T. I FINALLY was able to blabber my way through what I wanted/needed and my T's response was not what I thought it would be, but what I'd hoped it would be. It only took a major rupture and 3 months of my trying to pretend it didn't matter for me to do it too! (How ridiculouos is that?)

It happened for me when I was hurting so bad that I had no option but to say what it was I needed. Not saying it hurt more then keeping it in. I was so desperate and despondent that I opened my mouth and spoke- and my T heard me. She didn't turn me away , or close her mind to what it I wanted- even though I knew she would've preferred something different, she didn't put her hands over her ears (something I've done a time or two in therapy) and tell me to stop talking. She sat there and listened through my mixed up, halting words and heard what I said- and gave me what I needed. As a matter of fact- a few weeks later she told me that she was never opposed to what it was that I had asked for, just that she didn't know what I wanted.

I learned a lot that day granite. It was a true growing experience for me..... and it only took me 2 weeks the next time we had a misunderstanding, for me to tell T what it was that I needed, and again, T did not find it impossible for her to do and she accomadated my request.

Being able to communicate with T what my needs/wants are has been a major accomplishment for me- and I have seen a huge amount of personal growth, almost instant growth, in myself since I started to, and I can't tell you how awesome it is to not feel the anxiety of holding onto something in my head because I was afraid to speak up.

You can do this granite- just step up and blabber through it like I did. Whisper it if you have too, just let it out for T to hear. I think you might be surprised at how freeing it feels- no matter what the answer is!

(((((Granite)))))

[granite1]

thanks karebear
i dont think my t is the kind of t that wants to be dealing with filling needs i think she is more into me filling myown needs but that just may be the way i see her at this point.
believe me i would always rather go without than to open up and ask for something.i have been this way all my life and am good at just dealing with what may be given.i was tought that well.just accept what you have been given and be greatfull for that or next time nothingi couldnt handle this responce from her at all .not that she would have this responce but i think i would see any answer she had as doing or saying this so no way wont ever ask for anything.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by granite1

she knows monday sessions were her decision

The day of the session is a decision made jointly by the therapist and client. If therapists assigned their clients to days of the week without consulting their clients, they would have a lot of "no shows." Granite, if Monday doesn't work for you, tell her. How about, "T, it turns out Mondays aren't going to work for me after all. What other days and times are available?" You don't have to explain why Mondays don't work, so you don't have to get into the part about how you regret missing all those Monday holidays. You can just keep it very businesslike so you don't have to reveal that you miss those sessions dearly--it seems it is important to you right now not to make yourself vulnerable in that way. I understand. So don't explain why Mondays don't work but do tell her they don't. Then the two of you can pick another day. If she has no other days available at this time, she can put you on a waiting list. It's a business dealing--you don't have to reveal anything personal to her in this conversation.

[karebear1]

Originally Posted by granite1

thanks karebear
i dont think my t is the kind of t that wants to be dealing with filling needs i think she is more into me filling myown needs but that just may be the way i see her at this point.
believe me i would always rather go without than to open up and ask for something.i have been this way all my life and am good at just dealing with what may be given.i was tought that well.just accept what you have been given and be greatfull for that or next time nothingi couldnt handle this responce from her at all .not that she would have this responce but i think i would see any answer she had as doing or saying this so no way wont ever ask for anything.

Sounds like you and I were raised in a similar way. That is, indeed, what makes this so difficult and scarey to do. I understand your fear and your hesitance in not asking granite.When you're ready- you'll do it, until then, just try to hang in there my friend. Good things come to those who wait.(but they have to ask sometimes too! )

[mixedup_emotions]

((( granite )))

I imagine how frustrating it is for you to feel such turmoil about asking to switch days...to know that you have the power to do something about it, but it creates so much inner friction that you feel you can't. I hope you can, at some point, be open to the idea of allowing your power to come through.

((( HUGS )))

[skysblue]

How about trying to separate out the deep emotional need to have your T respond to your needs and the practical question of changing your days? (I know, I know - easier said than done)

What I'm thinking is if you could see the appointment day just like any other appointments you make in life. If you call to make an appointment for the dentist, your tax preparer, your hair-dresser and they suggest a time slot that doesn't work for you, how do you respond? You probably say, 'that day/time isn't good for me, How about such and such time? And they'll say, "no, we're not available then but we can offer you this other time." And it has much less emotional consequences, understandably so. But still if you could look at it that way, it might ease the tension a bit.

My regular slot with T used to be on Fridays. There were 2 reasons I didn't like Fridays. First of all, the time seemed to crawl between Friday to Friday whereas when I had a mid-week slot, the time seemed to go faster. Go figure.

But, more importantly, now with my Wednesday slot, I am able to ask for an extra session immediately following Wednesday if needed and most times she'll have an opening. She's off Sat/Sun/Mon and Tuesday she's in another city.

So, how I phrased my request was this. "If you get an opening on Wednesday, I'd like to take it. Please put me on the waiting list." So, you might make your request that way. By not asking for a change right now, you won't be faced with an answer that might be too painful for you which is if she didn't have an open slot yet. But if you ask to be put on waiting list, the answer will be YES.

Good luck.

[rainbow8]

I liked sunrise's suggestion! I'm glad you had a good time on your vacation, granite! I hope your session tomorrow is productive. I understand how hard it is for you to ask for what you need, even if it is just to change the day of your session.