Hit the wall...time to stop?

Is there such a thing as a therapy wall? I feel like I've reached a certain level in therapy... learned a lot about myself, my defense mechanisms, worked some of my trust issues out... But just when my T. wants to work on the causes of these issues (talking about my family of origin) we've semed to hit a wall...

At first I thought it was just me not wanting to delve into the past...not wanting to deal with things... but now I'm really starting to doubt my T. ability to see me through this.... like he doesn't want to go there....or he is uncomfortable... In session tonight, I talked about something that was very painful to me.. past trauma... and I got no reaction from him.... no leading questions to help me explore how I felt when that was going on...nothing to help me figure out the effects on today... nothing...
I don't know how I'm supposed to work through this alone...if I could I would have done it a long time ago... since I've been alone with this all along....

He keeps telling me I need to deal with this big pile of hurt but when I start its like he's not able to deal with it.. It was rather awkward....
I don't know how I would be able to share the worst things if he couldn't sit with me through this stuff tonight.

Maybe I've gotten as far as I can in therapy... Has anyone else "hit the wall" with Therapy?

I thought I'd hit a wall...until today. I've been really struggling with something for a very long time, and I finally felt ready to deal with it, but I didn't feel like my T was helping me to do so. Today, I just told her "I want to work on this, but I'm lost. I need you to guide me. I don't know how to do this." It seemed like that was what she was waiting for...by the end of session, I felt like my T was with me and willing to help me and we were completely on the same page again.

So....maybe you need to just be honest with your T. Tell him that you feel like he's not willing to help you with this past trauma, and that you can't do it on your own, and you really need guidance. See what he says. Maybe he's just waiting for you to say "I need you to guide me here" or maybe he really can't help you. But, the only way you'll know is if you ask.

I HAVE hit walls in therapy. Mostly I've pushed through them..and it's been really hard but worth it. But I mean REALLY hard.

Once, I just took a break for a month. I just needed to stop for a minute and be in my life and get my bearings. That break helped a lot and allowed me to finally start talking about the hardest stuff pretty soon after I came back.

But what you were saying about feeling like T "doesn't want to go there"...wow, I have SO had that feeling. A few summers ago, we had a summer-long-rupture over that feeling. I believed with all of my heart that T didn't really want me to talk about it...it felt SO real. And in the end, I think I realized that *I* didn't want to talk about it. He was there, and open, and ready. *I* wasn't.

T and I talk about talking about things a lot before we really get into them. So I wonder if you could share how you're feeling with T..tell him that you're afraid he doesn't really want to hear it, or that it will be too much, or that it will feel awkward, or whatever the fears around it are. For me, that is probably the best way to start moving forward when I find myself up against a wall.

Good luck....it's hard work, but it sounds like you are doing it.

Thanks Tree...we already spent a whole session talking about talking about it. So I talked about it....I told him something that was very traumatic.... I looked at him and his facial expression was blank.... he said nothing....then after a long pause he asked how old I thought I was then...I responded... and then he started telling me a "funny" story which didn't relate to anything I said....so I took that to mean we were done with that traumatic topic. It was so totally awkward....

Wow. That IS awkward.

My T is very still and quiet when I share trauma stuff. I think he is giving me space to reach into myself and to tell the story. But it feels like he is still "with" me, if I am able to be in the room enough to notice. So, when you said T was quiet with a blank facial expression, that's what I was picturing.

Responding to your story of trauma with a "funny" story sounds incredibly inappropriate and insensitive. Is your therapist trained to work with trauma? Mine is, and I wonder how much of a difference that makes? (I've never had another T).

If that happened with me and my T, and I wanted to continue working with him (which I do), I would definitely tell him how his repies made me feel. I used to feel scared that I would sound like I was criticizing him, but we are two people in a relationship, and it is FINE to let each other know how we are feeling, and how the other person is affecting us. I would just tell him "T, it felt bad when I told you my scary story and you told a funny story afterwards. I felt like you didn't hear me, and that made me feel sad", or something along those lines.

Have you been with this T a long time, and do you want to continue to work with him as you move into the harder stuff?
to you. I'm sorry you told something so hard and didn't get the response you needed.

Doesn't sound like you've hit a wall within yourself as you say there is something you need to talk about, perhaps its working with THIS therapist thats hit the wall?

Just a thought here ... I don't know how your T works, but mine believes in using humor in therapy (he wrote his doctoral dissertation on it). I know of at least two times he did something humorous when he felt that I had had "enough". Did it intentionally to lighten the mood, and after I started to laugh - finally - he went back to what he had been saying.

I'm just wondering if your T saw signs in your behavior or demeanor that made him feel you both should back off from the subject temporarily. I dunno - maybe he misread you, and it would have better to go forward?

As far as his facial expression being blank, that happened with me when I told my T something from my childhood that I thought would shock him. He showed no reaction at all - his face was completely expressionless. Not sure why they do that, but there's probably a good reason.

These are just some thoughts - FWIW. As others have said, just tell T how you feel. Your next session should bring out more so you can decide whether to leave, or take a break, or not.

Humour therapy isn't really being sensitvie to the patients needs. I was raised by a sadistic mother that would grin as she handed out her punishment, hence I once told T I dont like it when she was humorous about something becaise It felt sadistic, she agreed, and said I had told her about my experience and it would be insensitive of her to continue using humour.

I think you should tell him exactly this.

I have had times when we didn't make progress for a while, so that might be considered a "wall", but we kept the sessions up and maintained the relationship and eventually more progress came. Readytostop, what you describe sounds very "fixable" to me, as it is more of a problem on his part than yours, and hopefully he can fix it fairly quickly once you tell him what the problem is. I bet he does not even realize he is being so avoidant with you.

Good luck, keep going, tell your T!

have you expressed that you feel left alone to deal with things when you talk about your traumatic history?

trauma work is tricky for both the client and the therapist and nothing helps get you through it better than a really strong foundation of safety and support. he may be thinking, "i dont want to push it" while you're thinking, "where are you!?!"

it might be helpful to voice your concerns and maybe set up some ground rules. you seem to have a grasp on what you might be needing from him in those moments, so i would suggest telling him about it.

about hitting the wall. it can happen. i liken it to the plateaus people hit when losing lots of weight. sometimes you do a bunch of stuff, and then you need to give yourself some time to adjust to the changes already made before you proceed. i dont know if thats whats at play here, but the idea of hitting the wall is not an impossibility.

there is also the possibility of going as far as one can with a current therapist. sometimes people hit the wall in their current therapy and maybe need to switch modalities or emphases that the current therapist isnt able to do.

i guess im saying, that its possible!

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm very confused right now...but thinking about stopping T. I told T. that I was only going to therapy till end of year so I'm thinking maybe I'll either tell him that I want to go everyother week to wind down and wean myself off of T or just telling him I'm taking a break