sorry i couldn't help you

i have a degree in clinical lab science so i think i may go for something a bit less stressful like medical coding specialist or something like that so i don't deal with people.right now i work in a store

((((( granite ))))))

One of the things that my T mentioned to me in my last session was that I don't yet have the ability to be kind to myself, to be gentle and sooth myself. Instead, I'm going to be really down on myself. I agreed with him and then added that I then criticize that. It's a really difficult pattern, but something that I need to address in therapy as I can't continue to feel so badly. .

My T also told me that I try to find things to do that make me feel good about myself - but that it's just a temporary high - which ends up feeling disappointing in the long run, because it doesn't really give me true happiness. That has to come from within. Well, how on earth do we do that when we are so hard on ourselves and so used to beating ourselves up?

I hope we can find our path towards feeling better about ourselves. We both deserve to feel happiness inside. ((( HUGS )))

i guess this desire to just blow just about everything up in my life and change it all up because i need to do something could be a big distraction and a temporary quick fix.kind of a knee jerk reaction to how badley i am feeling.i never really thought of that.i guess i always look at my unhappiness as external and that if i change what is around me it will change my reactions and unhappiness.very wise insight on your T's part but MUE i'm with you how in the world do we find this path because it seems to me any path i take these days is one of complete and total distruction

i am so sorry but i cant seem to let this go at all i have written for hours in my journal about her saying" sorry i couldnt help you today" i just cant see how this was helpfull at all what did she hope to accomplish by saying this.i sorry it didnt seem like it was said with any kind of empathy or anything .it was stark and cold.it felt like she was angry and closing the door on me.it wasnt like maybe nextweek will be easier so we will try again .it was more like well this week sucked maybe nextime you will talk hahaha.it is all on you .im done if you want to talk great but im done.ill be here but it's on you kid.when i told her i got in trouble at work again it took so much courage.i dont think she has any idea how much.and her only responce was ,WHAT DO YOU MEAN? how do i answer that .all i wanted to say was again i got in trouble at work..i had no idea what else to say to that i could say nothing anything else was to hard and she was unintrested in helping me figure it out either.it took so much for even to say what i did and i feel like she was so invalidating and everything.WHY.she said i could go at my pace but she is angry.god i have so much overwelming anger.i'm sure she is sitting in her office thinking so smart of herself if she would ever think about me at all other than that 40 or so minutes i get.she is thinking i know she is hating herself for not talking to me and now she can suffer for it for the next two weeks.hahaha i worned her.i feel this so deeply and it hurts so bad.how can i trust someone i feel this about.but i feel this about people all the time.people are just like this.my favorite statement these days is people hurt even T's.sorry i just needed to rant .i want to end this spiral but i guess it will just take time and i need to wait it out alone as usural (i know pitty party)but it will end....

Hi granite. I know words are not easy. I can really relate.
Can you tell your T that you are mad? I have found it helpful to tell my T I am mad at her. Even if I can't always find the words.

thanks sannah you are so sweet

i don't know what i will say to her probably by the time i see her again i wont be feeling so bad and wont even bring it up at all.this happens a lot

((((( big gentle hugs )))))

thinking of you today, granite.

Me too granite- I'm thinking about you! I liked what the person before me wrote about some how telling your t you are mad at her. It is sooo liberating for me to tell my t if i am mad. And you may feel a whole lot better. If you don't all these little hurts here and there just linger until it all comes out in a huge overreaction. I vote for you to tell her......